Is it ever ok to critique the cooking?

[Glitteringapples]

I’d really interested to know peoples view on this?

If a family member makes a meal and there are elements of it you didn’t enjoy, is it ok to voice your polite criticism so they can improve the meal for next time or is it kinder to just thank the cook for the meal and leave it?

I don't think anyone should give unasked for advice particularly if it is negative or you are doing the complainer a favour.

I go with:
Only if asked by the cook.
Otherwise, Just express gratitude.
If you enjoy it, express gratitude and say you enjoyed it. Perhaps praising the best bits explicitly.
Someone cooking for you is doing you a favour. Don't treat them like they're in your employ.

It depends.

If it was between my siblings and me, or DH, we’d be bantering and saying ‘we’re any firefighters harmed in the making of this pie?’ Or whatever.

Or we would all just say ‘this is nice, have you made it before / is it Delia’ etc.

OP, if your DH is taking it upon himself to do the full pompous Masterchef commentary he needs to STFU. And do his share of cooking if he is such an expert.

It is a privilege to be cooked for. Constructive criticism, delivered positively, is acceptable if and only if invited by the cook. Otherwise "thank you very much for cooking" is the correct response.

Always. We discuss it, it's very low key. Dh might make a comment about how nice it was. Or I'll say, Well actually that chilli wasn't very tasty, I don't know why and Ds2 will say I liked the last one better it had more kidney beans in it. Etc etc.

All not a problem.

Depends if they ask your opinion?

No. The only comment on a meal that has been prepared for you is “thank you, I appreciate you cooking for me, that was great” (etc) unless specifically asked.

"Darling, I've had negative feedback on 3 meals this week. I assume you'll be cooking all meals next week to avoid both of us being unhappy"

I don't mind the occasion comment but continuously, I'd tell him to cook himself.

is it ok to voice your polite criticism so they can improve the meal for next time

they cooked for you. It’s not a work appraisal.

The fact he thinks it’s like feedback in a job role speaks volumes.

eurgh.

Offer the same kind of feedback on everything he does. And give the same response.

It must depend on your dynamic, DH and I are quite openly critical of cooking, DC too as it's a part of our dinner discussion. Tends to be constructive criticism though, if he just told me it was awful as a statement I'd hit the roof.

None of us would do it at someone else's table of course.

Sometimes he will compliment something I’ve made by saying ‘that was cooked with love’ which I interpret to mean (perhaps too sensitively?) that often he feels it isn’t. 😞

I am not especially sensitive but I wouldn't be pleased with this. It'd make me feel I was expected to be some kind of personal chef catering to my family's whims, rather than doing the rather thankless task of putting food on the table every night. V occasional delicately phrased suggestions would be taken on board but anything more would get "do it yourself next time then". Does he appraise other housework?

I think it’s depends on the person, the relationship and the circumstances.

However thinking about it my husband always undercooks the onion when making paella or risotto and I’ve never told him. But that’s because he has a fragile ego and doesn’t take criticism well.

The thing about it is that either the cook probably realises that something didn’t come out as well as they hoped or it’s just personal preference. In either case, they don’t need some sort of 360 feedback exercise from the people they cooked for.

If one partner in a relationship does most of the hoovering, is it acceptable for the other partner, their arse glued to the sofa, to point out "You've missed a spot"? That doesn't seem hugely different to me.

Well, yes, presuming the partner who doesn't hoover does other things around the house.

Just because somebody does one job by themselves doesn't mean the people they live with don't get a say.

I don't mind if DH or DD "criticise" my food, they're allowed preferences and they deserve to enjoy what they're eating. I'd rather cook things people enjoy and how will I know if they're not allowed to say anything negative.

Never. Diss the cook and you become the cook. I know when to keep my mouth shut for an easy life.

That sounds frustrating and upsetting. You’re not his personal chef. Maybe he should just do it.

I do most of the cooking and I'm genuinely happy to hear feedback from my DH and DC, so I can make a mental note for next time I make it. I'm a fairly laid back person and it's hard to offend me!

it does depend on the person - I have to say my DH would eat anything I put down in front of him and tell me I was some kind of alchemist afterwards. He once did it about the most disgusting carrot burger experiment. So my DH wouldn’t.

but my wider family might discuss the pros and cons of a recipe (‘the meat could do with being thigh fillet not breast or browned more or could be made with lamb’) which I don’t mind at all. If it’s not delicious I don’t want to waste my time making it again.

I think in the usual household, that criticism should only be given when asked, and with full appreciation that the person doing the criticising had the luxury of not cooking what they ate. (My Dad and I ate some bloody awful meals, but all that was said, was 'thank you so much, that was lovely.' There was a woman on the edge who had cooked it)

If my really rather good chef relative asks for constructive critique, I give it. He was a tad taken aback at first, but apparently appreciated honest feedback - bless him!

I'd start giving him some constructive criticism on his performance in the bedroom. See how the cheeky sod likes that.

If he thinks its like a job role, does he think he’s your boss?

That’s the real issue. He wouldn’t critique his boss’ work. He wouldn’t spontaneously criticise colleagues of equal rank either.

You only critique juniors, usually young trainees.

Critiquing your wife’s cooking is disrespectful, deeply unsexy and never ok.

(My DH does it quite often. I have come to hate cooking and like him a lot less 😐)

I even get irritated by people critiquing their own cooking. Mil does this. Goes on about the meat being tough or not putting enough salt in or whatever. Takes the edge off the enjoyment of the meal imo.

My ex partner always did. His SIL makes the most amazing Indian food and he usually loves it, but if she tried something new and he didn’t like it he would tell her, sometimes saying too much x spice etc. I personally always say it’s nice if asked, but his argument was she won’t make it again if he doesn’t like it, so why lie. I guess I’ve been raised to be polite, he’s been raised to be honest about it. Not sure what’s better but I couldn’t be rude about someone’s cooking knowing how much effort it is to cook when people come over