Food bank Fussiness

[VeronicaFranklin]

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning, recently due to cost of living we've had more and more people using it.

All sorts of people, some working families, some exclusively on benefits, some elderly, retired due to ill health and some homeless / alcohol/ drug addiction. There really is no face to food poverty and it's very sad to see so many people struggling to feed themselves and their families. I feel glad there are places people can turn to if they need help...

However...

We give people a sheet when they arrive, they tick a number of items (depending on if they are a family/couple/single person) they wish to have, I go off to pack up their items.

More recently I've had people complain if they wanted something we had a previous week but don't have this week, i.e. requesting Frosties and we only have Cornflakes, or Semi skimmed milk but we only have skimmed. One lady said to me on Sat when I didn't have the soup she liked ' well it just isn't good enough'...

Also people arguing with us if say someone has received a certain brand (donated) and they haven't. For example someone got 'Asda's own washing up liquid and saw someone had got 'Fairy' brand washing up liquid and started complaining it wasn't fair...

I just feel really disappointed. Everyone is entitled to help and most people are very thankful but we rely solely on donations and charity surplus to run the food bank, many of the volunteers give up their time to help even when their circumstances aren't much better than those using the food bank and we often buy items to bring to cover the shortfall in donations especially toiletries such as sanitary towels and toothpaste, but I can't help feeling recently like people are being ungrateful.

Is it unreasonable if you're getting something for free to feel you're entitled to complain? How would you handle it?

This. If OP is genuine, you're a fool, but that's a big IF.

Gosh, it must be wonderful to be as perfect as you.

Yeah, really put those peasants in their place!

But there is no way that someone who is on the bones of their arse are buying Fairy instead of Asda washing up liquid. And it's pretty obvious that if you're buying for a food bank you want your money to go as far as possible - not everyone who donates has a lot of spare money.

It doesn't hurt to state a preference for a certain type of milk or even brand of washing up liquid, as long as it is done politely.
I've worked for a charity which had close ties to a food bank, and because of what I have seen and heard I have in the past donated heavily to our local food bank or soup kitchen.
Its human nature that each time something is given there will always be an element of greed, those who either try to claim something they aren't entitled to, take what isn't theirs, push the system in their favour. Amongst food bank users you will have some extremely vulnerable people, I've known a minority of those who really would be your worst nightmare of a neighbour or more likely cell mate. The vast majority of people though are genuine and we can't let the cf element that runs through every part of society cloud what is essentially a life saver for the majority of users. With my donations I've always had in my head that if 90% goes to the genuine, I'm more than happy.

I donate to a food bank every week and nothing said on here has changed my mind about that. I don't blame Op for venting her frustration here and I take my hat off to her for carrying on volunteering.

For what it's worth I buy mostly budget brands for the foodbank so that they get as much as possible for the money. Then put a couple of treat items in because everyone enjoys a treat.

I also would have been grateful for cornflakes, when you spend a week eating rock hard baked lumps of plain flour mixed with water and a dollop of honey as that’s all that is left in the cupboard, proper food is delicious!

Thank you!

What a Ridiculous post !

No-one expects food bank volunteers to be Mother Theresa.
Volunteers are ordinary people who are willing to give up some of their time to help others.

It’s perfectly ok for food bank volunteers to feel annoyed by service users occasionally. Fact is that some of their clients have a naturally annoying disposition. Nothing to do with their circumstances, they’re just born that way.

By way of a contrast, in a therapeutic setting, it’s usual for employed staff to have access to trained support to express their feelings including frustration, in a safe space. Lucky you eh?

Suggesting that only automatons who never feel affected by their clients should volunteer in these types of settings, demonstrates that you’re the one lacking any degree of understanding here.

Just to clarify for you, the OP is venting on an anonymous forum. She is giving up her free time to provide help to the general public. She hasn’t said anything untoward to individual clients using the service.

Only an arsehole would use the word beggar to someone in front of them. I don't think you would, unless you really are a massive twat.

There's two sides to this. While there's the old adage "beggars can't be choosers", it's also worth reminding that, however full of bravado and "I deserve this" they seem, these are people on the lowest rung of the ladder - and they know it.
They are, metaphorically speaking, picking through the scraps, and it can't be a nice feeling. Fussing over brands and "I wanted X!" is perhaps the ONLY way they feel they can exercise any control over their situation.

I can absolutely see that it might come across as petty, annoying and ungrateful. But it might also be the time to consider "there, but for the grace of god, go I."

Well, that is people for you. I am not in the least surprised!

I knew a woman, single, aged 40, on the dole, who had deliveries of Chinese or Indian food costing her £12 to £15, then went to the food bank for the rest of the week.

Where would we be without food banks for MN posters to virtue signal about. Happens on loads of threads.

You don't understand what food banks are, do you?

How much of their own time do all the people telling of the OP give, I wonder?

hmmmmm

OP, thank you for volunteering. You're doing more to help other people than most people do.

This.

Wow I bet the poor OP feels like quitting after all these posts! I don't think you're being unreasonable at all OP to feel the way you do. Beggars can't be choosers so they say so be grateful. Honestly as long as you have washing up liquid that does the job then stop complaining. It's not like it matters if it doesn't last as long because the food bank will give you another one when it runs out quicker. Who would want to volunteer when they are treated like that?

This is partly why I donate money monthly not food to a local food bank -- so they can purchase their own consistent supply of basics are not rely solely on donations which could be rather random.

It's annoying and can be tough to deal with but it's just people- some are nicer or easier to deal with than others and gratitude and manners don't increase when someone has less. People can also be angry, depressed and miserable and take it out on the first authority figure they see. Try not to take it personally, and if you are kind, polite and respectful most people will reflect that back at you - some won't.

Thank you for your response. It makes alot of sense.

'Maybe their mother always used fairy and it highlighted their own poverty'

I can totally understand how this might trigger someone.

@Ladyof2022 OK, but it's not up to you or anyone to decide how her "dole" money is spent is it? From an economic perspective it's probably a good thing that money circulates within the local economy, supporting a small business.

I think the op should quit.

Our fodbank would not tolerate her judgemental attitude and fortunately has caring volunteers.

The OP does not display suffient care for the people accessing the food bank, IMO.

I have been a volunteer for many years and know how frustrating it is to hear complaints when you are giving your time for free.
But I have also been in poverty and know how hard it is. Do you understand how tough it is when you can not pay for the basics? The anger you can feel? Or how shit it is to say to your children, I know you do not like cornflakes but it is all we have to eat.
The person complaining about a lack of Frosties was probably anticipating her hearing complaints from her children.
People are expected to be grateful when they go to a foodbank. Nobody is expected to be grateful when they go to a supermarket. Nobody who goes to a supermarket would be expected to be grateful if the only breakfast cereal available is one their kids do not like.
I agree with the person who said posting this is very unethical for you as a volunteer to post this. You have zero understanding of the psychological impact of poverty and should not be posting a narrative that encourages benefit bashing.

I'm thinking the woman who snapped that it "wasn't good enough" was maybe having a rant at the world in general, as in it is not good enough that anyone should have to be in that situation.

I once volunteered at a homeless shelter over Christmas where they got a big fry up.

My job was just to collect plates when they were finished. I had several people complain about the food and one guy had even spat some food onto his plate because the eggs were watery. (the food was actually ace).

You could take that as rude or you could take it as people who have hit rock bottom trying to exercise some control. By complaining about the food rather than falling over themselves to say thank you it allowed them to feel normal. Like they could say no thank you to the food and buy their own breakfast elsewhere. Or at least pretend they were used to eating food much better than cheap free fry ups.

there could be an element of that here. Someone who’s fallen on hard times wanting to let you know she used to be able to afford fairy liquid and she isn’t like the other people who use food banks.

How you respond to the rudeness will vary on case by case but agreeing with them fairy is better, pointing out it’s donated not chosen and trying to let it wash over you on the basis that it’s people in stressful situations not on their best behaviour are all good suggestions made by people.