Food bank Fussiness

[VeronicaFranklin]

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning, recently due to cost of living we've had more and more people using it.

All sorts of people, some working families, some exclusively on benefits, some elderly, retired due to ill health and some homeless / alcohol/ drug addiction. There really is no face to food poverty and it's very sad to see so many people struggling to feed themselves and their families. I feel glad there are places people can turn to if they need help...

However...

We give people a sheet when they arrive, they tick a number of items (depending on if they are a family/couple/single person) they wish to have, I go off to pack up their items.

More recently I've had people complain if they wanted something we had a previous week but don't have this week, i.e. requesting Frosties and we only have Cornflakes, or Semi skimmed milk but we only have skimmed. One lady said to me on Sat when I didn't have the soup she liked ' well it just isn't good enough'...

Also people arguing with us if say someone has received a certain brand (donated) and they haven't. For example someone got 'Asda's own washing up liquid and saw someone had got 'Fairy' brand washing up liquid and started complaining it wasn't fair...

I just feel really disappointed. Everyone is entitled to help and most people are very thankful but we rely solely on donations and charity surplus to run the food bank, many of the volunteers give up their time to help even when their circumstances aren't much better than those using the food bank and we often buy items to bring to cover the shortfall in donations especially toiletries such as sanitary towels and toothpaste, but I can't help feeling recently like people are being ungrateful.

Is it unreasonable if you're getting something for free to feel you're entitled to complain? How would you handle it?

It's kind of the knitter to make cardigans, as even child-size can take a while, but 1) perhaps the recipient wanted her child to look like all the other kids at nursery or school and not stand out, or 2) handknits often require special handwashing and lengthy airdrying whereas M&S basic children's stuff wears like iron. Or, not everyone knows the investment of time and resources that go into knitting garments, and the recipient may not have realised this.

Plus, as discussed above, it's exhausting being in need and those in need are human. It's inhuman to expect them to be perfectly grateful, thankful, and accommodating all the time.

This…

I used to volunteer at a homeless street kitchen, and we would regularly get people who would take a plate, have a couple of mouthfuls and then ‘send it back’
Or get to the counter, and say they preferred chicken to lamb, or whatever we had made

The very wise team who founded the charity used to remind us that when you’ve lost EVERYTHING, the idea of still having a little bit of autonomy over a situation made them feel normal and not like the hopeless beggars most people judged them to be

we were instructed to behave as a waiter in a restaurant would. Apologise, say we will speak to the kitchen team and offer them something else

99% of the time, they accepted and it was all resolved. Because it was never about the food, it was about wanting to feel like a customer with options and not a desperate and homeless person

OP is not demanding over-the-top gratitude from the clients, just not to be subjected to unrealistic demands and rudeness

^ This

And

I love the way all the sanctimonious twunts are lining up to virtue signal how very empathetic and caring they are, whilst showing their complete lack of empathy by being deliberately rude and unkind to the OP who, unlike them, actually gives up her free time to help people.

^ This

I don't think the OP's post is likely to deter people from donating stuff but it would certainly put me off volunteering to help at a food bank. It's a shame how a tiny minority of people ruin it for everyone else. I can remember during Covid lockdowns when volunteers had ridiculous demands placed on them (a certain brand of gin or stuff from various different supermarkets) I genuinely have no idea why some people think it's fine to treat people who are trying to make a difference in society like shit.

You see I don't think that slagging off the items that donors can afford to give as "a bit shit" is helpful either. Many people who donate are using Lidl washing up liquid themselves so shaming their choices to your service users seems wrong.

You see I don't think that slagging off the items that donors can afford to give as "a bit shit" is helpful either. Many people who donate are using Lidl washing up liquid themselves so shaming their choices to your service users seems wrong.

Exactly. Maybe I shouldn't bother donating items to the bank in LIDL since people consider them 'a bit shit'. (They're not actually, a lot of ALDI/LIDL stuff gets great reviews.)

they probably are a little uncomfortable, frightened, or anxious about having no real control

The lack of control over your life is the killer. I honestly think that is the worst thing of all for people at the stage of using food banks, or the people that my organisation supports. Until so many decisions are made for you, rather than by you, and you have no choice at all over the simplest thing, like choosing your own milk or the clothing you need and are not free to go out and select yourself, it's hard to imagine what that does to you.

The truly entitled are a tiny minority. And yes, as a volunteer, sometimes I feel a bit put out. But mostly I'm hugely grateful that today I can go to Tesco and choose my own food, and dither in the shoe shop for ages over which boots I like best.

Ditto ^^

Lots of shade being thrown at the OP. Just so @VeronicaFranklin doesn’t have to succumb to or worry about the guilt tripping being thrown at them, with comments such as this one Buying into lazy narratives about the people who use food banks serves only one purpose: to discourage donation be assured that all I saw from the OP was some frustration that you came on an anonymous board to vent. Nary a lazy narrative in sight.

Won’t stop me in the least from donating foodstuffs and I’m thankful that volunteers such as yourself are there to help with their time.

I think that you've been given a hard time here.

When posters struggle with household budgets, other users are usually all over their life choices like having a child, living rurally so needing 2 cars, scolding them over what they think is frivolous spending ... There's no compassion that maybe 6.99 on Netflix is needed to save on having to pay for a tv license or that Christmas gifts need to be £50 because nobody else buys for the child. The "which kids should share a room" posts often end up the worst with very few sticking up for the OP.

People shouldn't have to be grateful for food banks but volunteers aren't the one who buy the product and don't deserve grief for it. I see this attitude in shops too - especially after the pandemic and it's no wonder that there is a shortage of employees when some members of the public behave that way. I think it's fine to ask if branded or an alternative is available but if it's not then they shouldn't take it out on a worker.

Surely it's the situation of not being able to choose or have what you prefer that is "a bit shit". And obviously you don't have to use that particular language, but it's the idea of sympathising with the user that yeah, it's not ideal, but let's make the best of it that is what could be helpful.

YANBU. I think that some people forget, or perhaps don't realise in the first place, that food banks are not part of the benefits system and are run by unpaid volunteers who are giving up their free time. BIL was complaining to DH about the opening times of one that he had to use and DH made that point to him. While people are entitled to be disappointed about what they receive, they are not entitled to take their disappointment out on the volunteers.

I'm actually more than a little surprised that so many foodbank workers on here seem to be happy to reinforce the PR departments of heavily marketed "big brands" by implying that they are intrinsically better - the companies must be very happy that their advertising budget is even influencing foodbanks

This isn’t AIBU…

It's like modern day Oliver Twist, with the OP in the role of the woman in the orphanage.

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning

Do you, aye?

We donate a weekly shop to a food bank, we are given a list and asked not to stray!
If I do the shop at Lidl I can buy more than if I go to Sainsbury's, Waitrose etc.
I don’t like the idea of UHT milk, tinned vegetables etc but the charity we support has done their research so I buy what I am asked.
As someone who donates, I want to be able to continue our support even when the fuel bills come in, by keeping the expenditure down we should be able to carry on.

I also volunteer at the food bank near us. Boxes are prepacked based on number in a family and meat/veg. We pick whichever box will expire soonest. We fill up bags and off they go. We've had the odd person give us things back because they won't use them, but no complaints.

Everyone has been very thankful. Maybe we are lucky!

Surely it's the situation of not being able to choose or have what you prefer that is "a bit shit". And obviously you don't have to use that particular language, but it's the idea of sympathising with the user that yeah, it's not ideal, but let's make the best of it that is what could be helpful.

But loads of people currently can't choose exactly what they want, they have to have the cheapest because they can't afford the branded stuff. And I don't get what the whole 'yeah it's not ideal stuff'' is about, I thought we'd moved on from assuming that the branded stuff is automatically the nicest.

I think the OP is getting a hard time for no reason. If someone is giving you something for free, of course it's unreasonable to say 'actually, I don't like that brand'. It's rude. Think it privately and give it to a friend if you don't want it. The lady who runs our local food bank gets dog's abuse thrown at her if she doesn't get deliveries out quick enough. Where I live they actually deliver the food parcels. I think that's just cheeky fuckery.

Perhaps the irony here, OP, is that if you'd worked in retail everyone would be telling you how disgusting their attitude is, but because you're volunteering you're considered by some to be not worth even basic courtesy

Of course it's difficult for the more genuine service users to find themselves in this position; however it doesn't mean you get to treat those doing their best to help like sh1t, nor is it a good idea to expend energy which could be better spent on this type of behaviour

Sadly the foodbank I was heavily involved in had to close when entitlement turned to outright theft and physical abuse - a great shame, but that's what enabling this sort of mindset can easily lead to

This is very nice of you but tbh, there is no reason to think she is more in need of compassion than your nicer service users who may be struggling just as much, but trying not to inflict it on others. I am sure you are lovely to everyone though.

I know what you mean OP. I work for a charity providing a service for free that would ordinarily cost quite a bit of £. You would be amazed at the attitude of some people. Fortunately it's not the majority. I had someone the other day scream as we couldn't meet her deadline of 3 days for a piece of work that would take hours to complete.

The situation is not ideal, or it's "a bit shit" depending on the language you want to use. The fact that they can't choose. Not necessarily that one is better than the other, but that they have so little control over anything. And yes, the situation isn't ideal for anyone that they can't choose. A little sympathy over that is much more likely to make the rest of the interaction go smoothly.

And I don't think anyone is saying that it's fine or acceptable for someone to be rude; they are just explaining some of the reasons behind it, and how the OP needs to find better ways of coping, if she really is finding that too many people like this are upsetting her.

Or, if she is actually exaggerating the number of people who are like this (or even just making things up) and doing it to be goady and reinforce stereotypes, then she needs to think what effect that is having.

or perhaps she just wants people to tell her how amazing she is for volunteering, despite rude people. But it still entrenches the view that service users can be judged for not being grateful enough or in the right way. It sets up a them/us situation. The OP isn't the one who has provided the food or the organisation of it all either; she is working that day as a volunteer to give out the food - she doesnt' deserve rudeness for what isn't her fault, nor does she personally deserve huge gratitude from users for what is a small part in it. If she wants gratitude for volunteering, then that will come from the organisation and from the general public or her friends or whatever, for giving up her time. But I think she needs to think differently about the reasons she is volunteering, what she is actually trying to make better, and what she wants from it for herself in terms of feeling good.

It is also "simple pragmatism" to realise that without volunteers there would be no food banks and the donations would go to waste. I think posts like yours could put people off volunteering. Who wants to give up their free time to be told that they will be "dealt with fairly swiftly" if they dare to express an negative opinion.

I'm fortunate I don't need to use food banks but as we know fortunes can change. I buy Fairy liquid and thought twice about buying a big bottle for £2.95 and that was in Home Bargains.

Obviously we don't know the size of the Fairy liquid but someone could donate 1 large bottle of Fairy or maybe 3 bottles of own brand which would help more people out.

Since money has become tighter I've switched to own brand to reduce my shopping bill. I'm not about to put Kelloggs in the food bank and value brands in my own basket!

I usually put in items like sanitary towels, nappies, dog food, washing powder, cleaning spray, biscuits, soap, etc - all perfectly fine own brands.

This doesn't put me off my regular donations.

Volunteers shouldn't have to tolerate rudeness just because of someone's circumstances.