Food bank Fussiness

[VeronicaFranklin]

I volunteer at a local food bank on a Saturday morning, recently due to cost of living we've had more and more people using it.

All sorts of people, some working families, some exclusively on benefits, some elderly, retired due to ill health and some homeless / alcohol/ drug addiction. There really is no face to food poverty and it's very sad to see so many people struggling to feed themselves and their families. I feel glad there are places people can turn to if they need help...

However...

We give people a sheet when they arrive, they tick a number of items (depending on if they are a family/couple/single person) they wish to have, I go off to pack up their items.

More recently I've had people complain if they wanted something we had a previous week but don't have this week, i.e. requesting Frosties and we only have Cornflakes, or Semi skimmed milk but we only have skimmed. One lady said to me on Sat when I didn't have the soup she liked ' well it just isn't good enough'...

Also people arguing with us if say someone has received a certain brand (donated) and they haven't. For example someone got 'Asda's own washing up liquid and saw someone had got 'Fairy' brand washing up liquid and started complaining it wasn't fair...

I just feel really disappointed. Everyone is entitled to help and most people are very thankful but we rely solely on donations and charity surplus to run the food bank, many of the volunteers give up their time to help even when their circumstances aren't much better than those using the food bank and we often buy items to bring to cover the shortfall in donations especially toiletries such as sanitary towels and toothpaste, but I can't help feeling recently like people are being ungrateful.

Is it unreasonable if you're getting something for free to feel you're entitled to complain? How would you handle it?

Do you think they are expecting "everything" though?

Or that anyone is saying volunteers should be "angels"?

People aren't. They are saying that volunteers should be appropriately trained to deal with vulnerable people, to understand the difficult behaviours that might arise as a result, to find coping mechanisms within the organisation to deal with the frustrations, to do some self-reflection to work out what they are wanting to be thanked for, and by whom, and why. It's not about being "perfect". It's managing a situation (that has been exacerbated by the government) in the best way possible. Just because someone is a volunteer, doesn't mean they are immune from criticism. It doesn't mean they are immune from human frustrations and finding service users difficult or rude, either. But there are different ways to deal with that frustration than this. And just saying that "at least they are doing something by volunteering" isn't necessarily helpful - we can have ambitions for a better service than that. There are also other volunteer jobs for those who want to do something, but don't find that they can deal with certain behaviours. That's OK too. I don't think it makes people "sanctimonious twunts" who have no empathy with the OP for suggesting that she not make posts like this publicly, or that she work on finding better ways to cope with the judgemental thoughts that come up - if she is even posting genuinely, rather than just trying to get across an agenda about what she thinks about foodbank users.

Would you choose to berate, shout and theeaten the volunteers there though? There are several people with allergies who accessed the food bank here, we would use some of the monetary donations we received to make up boxes especially for them with suitable foods (although would get them to double check that all was suitable on pick up). Generally as far as possible food banks will cater accordingly, but when it's just preference its impossible to make everyone happy. A simple no thank you it won't get eaten or whatever would be fine of course, or do you have any other cereals etc but some people are next level rude.

I don't think its unreasonable that frosties v cornflakes might be "the last straw" for someone that tips them over the edge, and they might sound rude about it.

I equally don't think its unreasonable that the OP might feel upset or disappointed that people are rude at a situation she has no control over.

Having said this any frontline public facing role runs the risk of people taking out their frustrations/being rude to the most easily available (normally lowest paid) person, who generally bears no responsibility for the situation. People upset about their food in a restaurant might take out their frustration on a waiter, people complaining about a shop not stocking an item will complain to the nearest shop floor staff, people pissed off about transport delays will complain to the bus driver/Station staff

This

OP you may feel it but ask yourself why you feel so "disappointed" that people are not receiving the charity in the way you think they should.

How should they behave? Be weepingly grateful? Tell you what an angel you are?

Rather than focussing on how they behave you should look at how you react.

A bit of quiet reflection on what an act of volunteering/charity is. To give without any expectation of reward - that reward also being any acknowledgement of the benefit the person is receiving from the person who is receiving it.

Some empathy might help you process your feelings. And I do t just mean how you would feel/behave if you had no choice but to visit a food bank but how it might feel for everyone who is not you.

I agree.

Food banks are such a ridiculous way of helping people. The inefficiency of someone guessing what might be needed, then paying retail price for it, having to have it transported and sorted - it’s nuts. If you want to help, donate money or time not tins and packets. Then the food bank can but what’s needed in bulk.

You see the thing about being professional is you get paid. Volunteering is the actual opposite of being professional!

You handle it by being honest and realistic about your motivation and expectations, the needs that led you to volunteer and who should be meeting them.
If your need is to help people, you've achieved that, regardless of how grateful or not they are. Just because their mother complained about the cereal doesn't mean you haven't played a role in ensuring her children got breakfast.
If your need is for appreciation and recognition, then you should be looking to your supervisors for that, not your clients. Its lovely when clients are appreciative, but the volunteer/client relationship is not one of reciprocal benefit. Its the volunteer/organisation relationship that should provide that.
That's not a comment on unacceptable behaviour BTW, which should be managed by the organisations policies and procedures, it's specifically with reference to appreciation and gratitude.

I would simply reply that if they are unhappy with what you have to offer they are more than welcome to go to the many may supermarkets that stock exactly what they are after.

Not intentionally no, I try my best to never be rude (in fact the angrier I am the more polite I get!) but I can understand my frustration at the situation and fears translating into someone thinking I was being at least ungrateful/fussy/irritated.

I work as a carer and often clients are rude to us, their pain/fear/frustration overwhelms them and we are the nearest/safest targets. I can only imagine that some food bank users are in a similar state of mind and it all boils over.

Also, thank you for taking care with packages for those with allergies, its reassuring to hear. Constant vigilance is exhausting and frustrating, especially when allergens pop up in places you would never anticipate.

OP you may feel it but ask yourself why you feel so "disappointed" that people are not receiving the charity in the way you think they should.

I'm not the OP but IMO it has nothing to do with charity. As I stated in my other post I also wouldn't find the behaviour acceptable towards supermarket workers. It's shit when you can only afford the basics range and it's out of stock but you don't take it out on the staff. Same with food bank workers.

I can't believe that the OP is getting such a hard time here but it speaks volumes about how entitled people have become. As for the pp working in a hospital, yes people may be in pain, vulnerable and frightened, but it doesn't mean they have carte blanche to be verbally and often physically aggressive. We have reached a place where hospitals have to put up warning signs asking patients and relatives not to abuse staff ffs.

I certainly don't think that those in receipt of food at food banks should be bowing and scraping but they are accessing a service run through donations and should show a bit of respect to the volunteers.

So many people on MN seem to be desperate to find excuses for poor behaviour for children, adults and the elderly. A lot of the time there are no excuses.

Yes, great idea, the charity providing the service - often out of religious values - would be thrilled if you did that

One of the reasons I found it is so hard to work there, and moved to collections was the sheer number of very ungrateful people moaning about things that are on the face of it trivial.
I realised that it may be the final nail in the coffin for them, it probably isn't the fairy liquid op, but their lives. This is not what they wanted for their lives - forced to accept hand outs. Maybe their mother always used fairy and it highlighted their own poverty. Most people feel living standards should increase as each generation passes, but it has stalled for some people and that is very hard. It is about their autonomy in most cases.

I used to remind the service users that not everyone that donates to our food bank can afford fairy themselves, and yet they have generously provided what they can to the foodbank anyway. I found that always got a positive response, as they considered the donators are often quite poor themselves! Not all donations come from wealthy households.

It was the lack of manners that used to get to me. A thank you is not hard to remember for a grown adult, but unclench and accept that we are not all raised the same, and what a pity that such a basic life skill has been missed.

Certain things yep, can absolutely agree that it is a bit unnecessary. Being rude- yep unacceptable
. But when you then give examples like semi skimmed vs skimmed, you’ve lost me. They’re a different product and skimmed milk is horrible if you’re not used to it to drink, on cereal etc. it’s like someone ticking for tomato ketchup and being given brown sauce, asking for jam and getting marmite. These things have different tastes entirely and some peop,e could be happy with either, but a lot of people simply wouldn’t let the alternative past their lips.

my view as someone who thankfully has never had to use a food bank yet, is that we have sunk to such a low denominator where handing out actual food to people is the norm and that these people should accept what food there is without much choice because that is all there is for them. They have no right to express their frustration and disempowerment to those dishing out the food, given this is the only human face of the shitty experience they are in.

food banks wouldn’t be needed if the benefits for people were sufficient to pay for food at shops where these people are free to choose how to spend that money and what they eat. They would not be needed if the massive discrepancy in wages for the majority vs board members didn’t exist and people were paid an actual living wage that covered food, housing and fuel costs.

we all hold responsibility for keeping governments in power who have stripped basic human requirements and choIce away from people and deluded us into applauding the work of food banks and normalising it as something we’re expected to support as a society.

food banks are abhorrent. We should be ashamed as a society we’ve got to a place they even exist let alone normalised. And to be in a situation where it is deemed unreasonable someone doesn’t like fully skimmed milk and is therefore ungrateful.

Interesting about the trauma. I have savings(Thank God) but the cost of living crisis has awoken "the fear" again even though I have nothing to fear currently. I'm not sure they will ever recover fully.

I cope by having too much food in. (Gets in the way sometimes) working really hard not to pass on the fear to the kids but reckoned I have probably failed.

People should not be rude

They should not take out their emotions on people trying to help

People are not 'virtue signalling' they are empathetic, they are just explaining they are empathetic.

There are plenty of sanctimonious cunts volunteering, for their own reasons.

Also you have no idea who else volunteers because not everyone feels the need to state that.

I completely get that having people complain while you're volunteering and trying to make their lives a little easier must be frustrating, but they probably are a little uncomfortable, frightened, or anxious about having no real control of the food and products they will be consuming. I know I would be. If I was genuinely so hard up that I couldn't afford to just buy a bottle of Fairy washing up liquid, my stress level would be though the roof! Try not to take it personally OP. We're all doing our best and times are rough.

It's not alright though is it, I don't see how we can call ourselves a developed country if we can't choose the brand of cereal we want when we've done nothing wrong.

The only thing I agree with, is that it's not your fault and it shouldn't be you getting the flack for it. But people shouldn't be having to grovel and be ever so grateful to eat or survive. We should all be pissed off that food banks even exist.

I have lived many lives in my life time, I was lucky as a kid that my mam went above and beyond to make sure we never wanted for nothing (hard as she was bed bound and living of benefits) and people would say we where 'spoilt'.

In my teens everything took a turn and I ended up homeless in a very poor area, I was one of the few that never complained and was happy for any help. Others regularly complained what they got 'wasnt good enough' and accusing others of 'getting better'.

What I realised is they have been 'fighting' for the basics all their life, they covert the 'luxuaries' because they just don't ever get them and they feel hard done by.

Many went on to get in debt taking out loan to buy playstations, flat screen tvs and Iphones, very on par with the stereotype of people on benefits buying expensive things but they where drowning in debt and debt collecters, they weren't just getting 'free' stuff using benefits (benefits didnt cover the costs) and an easy life they just wanted all the stuff they had never got to have but seen everyone else with.

It firmly reinforced my belief that you cant 'spoil' a child by giving them too much but if you DO foster anger and jealousy if people see they don't have things those around them do.

They have done social experents on monkeys that show the same, if they give one monkey a grape (highly sort after) and another monkey a nut (adiquate but not sort after) they see a social change, anger and rebellion in the nut monkey's. If they give both monkeys grape or both monkeys nuts then the monkeys remain stable and happy - it a reaction to the inequality and the one with less will always feel hurt.

I don't think its entitled at all, food is a basic human right, we will die without it...nobody should have to beg, or act in a certain way for it, it should be affordable and accessible for everyone!

OP - I completely understand why you're frustrated, its upsetting when you're giving up your free time to help and people are being rude to you, but similarly I understand why people using your foodbank are acting this way, they're stressed and embarrassed. I completely see both side of the coin, I think just smiling and kindly saying 'sorry - we can only give what is donated' is the best way to go, it cant be a nice situation to be in

I'd be tempted to answer with "Beggars can't be choosers". Harsh but true.

I grew up in fairly extreme poverty and constant stress due to homelessness, we would have been foodbank users if they had existed then. We were still always well-mannered and considerate of others.

I don’t buy this excuse! With the exception of allergies/intolerances or veggie/vegans/religious needs*, I think the behaviour mentioned reflects the increasing CF entitlement perpetuated in our society by ‘because I’m worth it’ advertising, ’the customer is always right’ even in a public service context. It’s not ok to treat people badly (unless serious MH issues perhaps).

*I do think as a matter of dignity people should not not be forced to take foods they find morally repugnant (which would lead to waste most likely) but what we are talking about here seems to be more about preferences anyway.

A friend of mine helps out at a local women's refuge. She was looking for cardigans for a particular child and a lady very quickly produced some beautiful hand knits. I mean really lovely, the sort you'd pay a fortune for. The mum they were given to said thanks but no thanks, she'd prefer if they came from M&S....

People who rely on charity donations are just like any other cross section of society and so you will see a whole spectrum of behaviours. I would guess that the majority are grateful for whatever they are given, but it's the rude/unpleasant/ungrateful minority that stick in your mind.
None of us know what they have been through or what they are dealing with on a daily basis so I think a bit of slack cutting is required. But I do understand your frustration OP.