Those young men carrying Her Majesty's coffin must have been terrified.

[Minee]

I've never carried a coffin and imagine it must be an emotional and scary thing to do in normal circumstances, but imagine carrying the Queen. With the whole world watching too.

Hats off to them,

There are some extremely rude comments totally devoid of empathy here. It’s disappointing when anyone thinks their experience of grief sets the standard for others. Very immature and unpleasant attitude.

There is certainly nothing ‘sad’ about professionals being used as pallbearers, and it wouldn’t hurt to be mindful that whilst to you that was an important ‘last act’, for many it will have been something different.

Grief is not a competition, and if it were, it’s not one you would wish to win.

@bellac11

No, you’ve decided to take it that way. I won’t apologise for the culture of my family in terms of death. Clearly every family is different and the men in my family (and now a woman) do absolutely see it as an act of love and honour.

Will I apologise for that? No. It is seen as brave in my family which someone construed further up the thread it would somehow mean men in my family don’t cry at funerals? Again couldn’t be further from the truth. There’s no shame in this family for expressing emotions.

I have always seen men in families carry coffins even in atheist funerals (which was important for me to state as sometimes I know my family could potentially do things differently coming from an Irish Catholic background) hence the (genuine shock). Like I said my niece is doing it because she wants too and I think that’s an act of love for her Nan, but I also do think it is brave of her. It is celebrated in my family and the most dignified thing to do. Clearly we are all different.

You really dont know how to stop digging do you!

it's not always right to say you're shocked though, a bit of tact goes a long way. Less important on a discussion board maybe, but increasingly people use those as an equivalent to real life.

Sometimes you do need to apologise for a genuine reaction, or not post. I'm always amazed by people who are shocked by lives lived differently than theirs though.

I don't think anyone has suggested you should apologise for any of the funeral traditions your family enjoys. Why would they?

I think it's a nice gesture for family members to do it. That said, I'd hesitate to do it myself If it really involved carrying 1/6 of the weight...

I once saw a funeral - I think it must have been a religious notable - where men formed two lines facing each other and then passed the coffin from hand to hand down the line, all the while keeping up a plaintive chant of 'there is no God but God'/la illaha illallah'. It was beautiful.

Of course you shouldn't apologise for your own special family traditions.

Imagine in a real conversation if someone said oh my mum came in on a trolley

And someone else went 😮😮😮😮😮😮 I am so SHOCKED by that, was no one man enough to carry her ?

Most people would find that a very odd conversation, in terms of basic human politeness and decency.

Back to the op, I really was quite stressed for them watching it, I don't think I would want that job. It is clearly well practised though, almost like a dance as they went towards the car facing one another.

Is it just me that's not convinced she's in there?
Not saying she hasn't died, absolutely believe that, but it seems odd to haul a body around the country, especially one that could be a prime target for an act of malice/terrorist statement.
I hope actually that she is safe somewhere down in London already and the sealed coffin has just been weighted for the ceremonial process.

Every family funeral we've had the men of roughly the same height have carried the coffin. I wouldn't want strangers to do it. I also wouldn't want to carry a coffin in heels which might be why it's usually men.

She is in there, security will be sky high though even though we don't see that part. It will likely be lead lined though to be air tight so will be heavy af. They do train for it, all of the hours of drill and phys (which often seems pointless at the time) will have helped.

and that seems a lovely send off from everyone.

I was a pall bearer for my grandad but I'm tall and so there wasnt a huge height variance between us all which would have caused issues. It was surprisingly heavy though. In this case they said there was a minimum height for those selected, if a female soldier fell within those parameters probably would have been able to do it.

In royal/big whig terms its completely normal

Queen Eleanor's body was taken down to London in the middle ages and at each stop the cortege made, is marked with a cross, some of them still survive I think

One of the 'saints' in Spain, not sure which one, had bits of his body taken to various battles over the centuries for 'luck', its amazing there is anything left of him but what is left is now in Madrid cathedral

I carried my grandad's coffin. When the funeral was being arranged, four male family members and two funeral directors were going to carry him.
I asked if I could be a pallbearer. It was an honour, and an intimate part to play of the funeral. My mum actually rang the funeral director's and asked if it was ok for females to carry a coffin!

In the end, my grandad was carried by two granddaughters, two grandsons, a son, and a daughter. We went out of step a little, and I nearly trapped my fingers laying the coffin down... but it was an absolute honour to have done so.

There were eight pall bearers and I imagine if they are feeling wobbly or need to take the weight off for a moment then they have a signal to let the others know to take some extra weight for a little while.

Maybe? I just made that up.

I work in the trade and can confirm lead lined coffins are very heavy, they are usually used when transporting a body from another country safely. The queen's coffin is also a solid oak which is also heavy.

The hearse driver will be very practised with driving in formation. Many funerals have limos that follow the hearse and you have to learn to drive as one including avoiding pot holes and any potential hazards.

I pall bear on multiple funerals a week (and am definitely female) there is no set pattern on family or company bearers just whatever the family wants.

In royal/big whig terms its completely normal
Queen Eleanor's body was taken down to London in the middle ages and at each stop the cortege made, is marked with a cross, some of them still survive I think

That's where Charing Cross gets its name.

In the 16th century Sir Henry Sidney, who served all the Tudor monarchs, died at Ludlow on the Welsh borders, and was brought back to his home in Kent for burial.

Lord Nelson was brought back after Trafalgar. Don't Google Nelson's Blood if you're a bit squeamish.

There's been 3 deaths in my family in the last 2 years and they were all different. When my young nephew died he was waked at home and when he was being brought to the church and afterwards to the graveyard I travelled in the hearse with him. At the church he was wheeled in by his cousins with 5 on each side of the coffin and 10 different cousins wheeled him back out because a lot of them were young children. At the graveyard his dad, brother and other family members carried the coffin to his grave, his dad, my two lads and another cousin lowered his coffin.

A different nephew's baby died when she was 23 days old, my nephew carried her tiny coffin by himself.

When FIL died at the end of last year family carried him.

It's the tradition where I'm from to ask close family friends to dig the grave and is seen as an honour. They fill it in afterwards.

@alongtimeagoandfaraway
Scottish custom? of wheeling coffins? think that's a bit inaccurate. I'm Scottish and every funeral I've attended has family as pall bearers.

@Sunshineday2

Not really the order of things though was it?. If you scroll back you will see I mentioned first that I was shocked at people being wheeled in because I had never witness it. It wasn’t you who was mentioned in my original post (there were other people who had stated that arrangement was their norm). You then proceeded to tell me about your mums funeral and then told me to piss off.

Unfortunately you took my shocked reaction personally.

@EmmaH2022

No, I do not need to apologise for being shocked. Certainly not on a discussion forum.

OnaBegonia it may be a regional thing. This was North East Scotland.

I wasn't following all your posts before. I posted about my mum's funeral and YOU tagged ME. It doesn't even matter, you must not have meant to be rude with your 😮 emojis, otherwise I can only assume you would have apologised. Sorry for telling you to piss off, but in my defence, you did tag me and it seemed very rude!

@Sunshineday2

I tagged you yes after you had copy and pasted my quote first and put a 😂 emoji…. Which was totally fair enough that was your opinion, but you engaged with me first and I responded. I certainly didn’t single you and your situation out for the crack.

Yes I know,, thats what made me think of it but I dont think the original cross is at Charing Cross, I dont know where the original crosses are

Yes tasty rum!