Those young men carrying Her Majesty's coffin must have been terrified.

[Minee]

I've never carried a coffin and imagine it must be an emotional and scary thing to do in normal circumstances, but imagine carrying the Queen. With the whole world watching too.

Hats off to them,

I’ve never been to a funeral where the family haven’t carried the coffin. Maybe it’s a regional thing?

My Aunties coffin was carried by her BIL, nephew, cousins & friends, it had been one of her requests.

@Sunshineday2

Wow it’s never even occurred to me that family members don’t carry the coffin. I have never ever in my life been to a funeral and seen a coffin wheeled in 😮. It’s always been carried by men in the family (and thankfully now I’ve seen the odd woman which is obviously a good thing) man or woman, it’s an honour in my family (Irish Catholic). My husband and family are complete atheists and they too have always carried coffins.

Usually the men will also dig the grave themselves with spades (but I know that’s not necessarily the norm) however it is for our family (Irish Catholic). Having said that genuinely shocked people have been to multiple funerals whereby the coffin is wheeled in.

I have not seen that, ever.

I agree. My 3 sons (the youngest was 18 at the time), along with their 3 male cousins carried their grandfather's coffin in a torrential rainstorm. It was incredibly emotional and an honor for all 6 of them to do this last thing for their beloved grandfather.

Probably because of views like this on this thread. Makes it very difficult to say no to things when people have outdated expectations and obligations which are quite shaming of people

You were proud of him but what if he hadnt wanted to, then you wouldnt be proud of him?

When my grandmother died, die to the timing of her funeral, there were not enough fit men to carry her coffin. When I heard the fun director say they could provide pall bearers, I was appalled! I said I would do it, and my sister said she would too. It was us and four men. To be honest. I do think I bore much of the weight. Of course, it wasn’t not lead lined.

@Andylion

Me and my sister would have done the same. No way would we let her be wheeled in or carried by pall bearers. My niece has already said she’s carrying my mums coffin when the time comes.

That's what happened with both my parents it never occurred to me that it should be any other way . We don't have a large extended family and there wouldn't have been anyone that could do it.

So sorry to have shocked you so much by the wheeling in of my lovely mum.

Your traditions are nice but your comment to me is repulsive. Piss off and take your shock elsewhere.

@Sunshineday2

I am sorry you have taken it that way but I am genuinely just very shocked. I live in England (Irish Catholic heritage) and my husband is a complete atheist. I have never witnessed a coffin being wheeled in and was displaying shock at the people saying they had seen multiple funerals in this way. Perhaps a regional thing then?

Presumably they weren’t in a lead lined coffin, though.

🙄

I'm sure they are trained in it and practice regularly

Can't believe the competitive pall bearing going on here!

Probably the most awe inspiring, emotional thing I ever witnessed, was seeing my best friend lifting her father on to her shoulder. We were in our 20s; he had raised her and her brothers from when their mother died, when she was 10.
I fully intend to carry my Dad, alongside my brothers.

This is the 'Im better than you, because we/my family care more than you, honor the deceased more than you' attitude

Terrible, its like we've suddenly gone back 200 years

And no one calling out the dreadful sexism about men not being 'man enough'

It's odd that so many of those who like the ceremony of the coffin being carried by family members seem offended by those that don't. What does it matter what happens at strangers' funerals? I'm happy for those who have been able to carry coffins when they wanted to.

There's no need to have a dig at those who have had different expectations and norms. It's different life experiences, that's all.

I agree with you but, to be fair, people have called out the despicable 'man enough ' comment.

I was going to ask the funeral home to give us pall bearers for dad

mum said no

then I said "how do we choose them, I don't want to ask anyone to take on that responsibility?" And she said "we don't have to".

I was baffled. But when the hearse drew up, there were loads of his friends just ready to do it. It was amazing.

Sadly I don't think that will be the case for me!

I carried my grannies coffin a couple of years and it was very similar to this. My cousins and I were all like “fuck me, what’s granny been eating?”. She was very old and very tiny but holy shit that coffin weighed a ton, and yes, there were moments when we went a bit wobbly carrying it out of the church. I’m presuming it was lead lined.

@CaptainMyCaptain

Ahh well I don’t really care to be honest. The men I know see it as an honour and a privilege and certainly no resentment but each to their own.

Infact there has been the odd resentment when someone was NOT chosen (Usually due to too many male family members etc). Times move forward though of course and my niece has already firmly put it out there that she will be carrying my own mother. Fair play to her and my mum is happy with that.

It does seem strange to be shocked at this.

a lot of people don't have much family anyway. Dad only had wife and daughters, I would no way try to be a pallbearer at my height and with my clumsiness. I did have a cousin but she couldn't attend and her health would have ruled her out of pallbearing.

i thought that watching them getting the coffin out i know theyre trained but this is next level

@EmmaH2022

I presumed it was for people with zero family members to be honest. Like I said I’ve been to loads of funerals, religious and non religious and never seen it.

It's funny that there is this competitive pall bearing thing (no malice intended here, good for you if you did this for a loved one) on a thread about how the Queen did not in fact have friends/relatives carrying her.