Leaving DC alone opinions

[DaanSaaf]

Just wondering if this would be a yes or no to leaving dc alone under these circumstances.
DC are almost 10 and 12, have been getting left alone for gradual longer periods over the last few months. Currently leave them for around an hour during the day to pop to the shop etc.

Dh has suggested going for a drink tomorrow night and leaving them, details are:
Pub is 5 minute walk away
We would probably go 9-11 ish
DC both sensible, don't often fight, very rule abiding
Both have phones
Next door both sides are good friends if needed
We have cameras so can see if anyone approaches the door

Yay or nay?

Op, we just did it over the summer with our 12 year old. He was fine. Same circumstances. I had already started popping to the shops, building up the time etc.

I did ask him to sit downstairs as weirdly felt that better than holed up in his room. And he was company for the dog.

Actually I probably committed another mumsnet sin of leaving child with dog.

I'll expect my mum of the year award in the post soon.

I'd go op. I have two ds who are 8 and 12 and have been leaving them alone together gradually for up to 2 hours. So far it's only been in the day as I've not needed to leave them at night, but under those circumstances you describe I would. I reason that most kids their ages play out unsupervised and walk to school etc, both scenarios are undoubtedly more dangerous than them being safe in their own home.

At 10 and 12 maybe at a push but not if kids only 9 and 11.

Err it's illegal.

It isn't illegal

I haven't read the guidance but I thought it was at the parents discretion mostly, not illegal. I've left my ten year old for 15 minutes while I went to the shop once but felt really uncomfortable. I got back and he hadn't moved from his xbox.

lol at kids getting darked on @FurAndFeathers 😂

Err, no it's not

Please do link to that legislation

5 minutes away for two hours, I would do it. Maybe pop back after an hour to check.

Eldest has been letting herself in and home alone for an hour or two since starting secondary school. Can't believe there are people who wouldn't leave a NT 14 year old.

Well dh isn't feeling too good today so we won't be going for a drink. Rest assured, no children will be getting darked on tonight but we will probably all stay up watching a film until 11 so my shitty parenting continues.

I wouldn't if it's dark/night time. I would if the eldest was a bit older (maybe 14?) but not any younger. Even then I wouldn't feel able to relax - one of my friends when we were at school had been left home with her sister (they were 15 and 17 maybe, so quite a bit older) and they were broken into whilst they were in the house. The burglars had seen the parents leave and, I guess, presumed the house was either empty or that there were only teenagers home. They weren't perturbed that there were teenagers in the house when they were in the house either. Just carried on breaking in.
That's just one story - I must have about 10 others which are similar if not more horrific (too horrific to post on here)
Also, is the 12 year old ok being home alone? I hated being home alone at night time until I was about 16!

Yes, even a snack maybe. What's the problem? Would it be OK to leave them for church, or a bookclub?

I'm curious where you live to have at least 10 horrific stories about kids being left alone for a couple of hours?

Some of these posts are ridiculous.

I suggested going a bit earlier as that seems a good way to ease into it, but DCs that aren't comfortable being on their own for a few hours past the age of about 13 feels more like a cause for worry, than celebration.

We've left DS home alone in the evening since he was about 12. He was absolutely comfortable and happy with it and we didn't stay out late. Heck we even left him for a couple of hours in our hotel apartments in NZ if he wanted to skip a sightseeing trip or fancied dinner in rather than out. He's been home alone overnight when he turned 16.

We had booked a week long trip to Madeira in November and we've cancelled that as although he seemed very mature when studying for his exams ( hence why we booked it) he has not appeared to be as sensible over the Summer and I'd worry what the other DPs would say and our house turning into party central.

Got to get them used to independence some how.

I wouldn't even be leaving them for an hour in the day

Well that's ridiculous.

I'd probably leave it slightly longer. Mine are 9 and 11 (nearly 12, at secondary)

I'm happy to leave DS1 on his own while I'm easily accessible and he likes his own company. DS2 is OK up to about 45 mins. In some ways he's more capable, but he likes company. With DS1 at secondary school, DS2 is now getting himself the short distance home until I get back 15-20 mins later which is a bit ahead of the local trends.

We've got pubs about a 10-15 minute walk so I think 11/13 is probably the ages we'd start heading out. My two can bicker though although they seem calmer without an audience to play up to.

I'd be happier with earlier in the evening. Sleep is a genuine risk assesment concern as this age group can sleep deeply through alarms so I'd want to be back before times percieved as "bedtimes" although mine have late body clocks too. It's hard because it is a blurry boundary and it's a tough call if your circumstances put you at the young end of being ready. What you don't want is someone like a teacher panicking and investigations because many aren't ready yet at their age and circumstances less favourable.

The transition to secondary tends to be a social game-changer. At 11, children are accepted not to need wrap around care and to walk/ bus around independently.

Break in? That happened to us. Broad daylight. My children got home about 10-16 minutes before me. When the kids went up the path, a man ran out of our house. A neighbour had spotted him and called the police so they rolled up almost immediately.
I had nightmares about my kids going into the house and finding him there.

🤣🤣

Why is that a problem, exactly?

I wouldn’t. My dd’s are a few months older. I would and do leave them for an hour during the day. But in the evening I wouldn’t even leave them with 15yo ds. I would leave him, but not the girls.

@DaanSaaf I grew up in a nice area but the school catchment was large - a mix of some living in towns and cities and some in the countryside etc. in most cases they were breaking in to steal a car and had been watching the house waiting for an opportune moment.
On our old road (a terraced house in a decent area) there were at least four break ins a year for cars (not even fancy ones - just ones that could be used and dumped). The majority of the break ins took place when there was someone home, either an older person or teenagers/kids at home.
Absolutely terrifying.