36th birthday today and my life is an absolute mess

[Jet2adl]

Just that really. Not looking for sympathy as im sure it’s largely been brought on by me. Always tried to do my best in life and I’ve made a huge mess. First baby due in two weeks, ex has written to me after not speaking most of pregnancy to say he wants me to sign up to an arrangement on finance and if I don’t he will say he’s not the dad, he’s made allegations he’s not the dad to our mutual friends (contraception failure so apparently he can’t get his head around how it happened…). He’s threatened to get a barrister and said he will go to police if I text him but I am allowed to email him to finalise things and he will then put it into an agreement.

you would think we were dragged up but we’ve each had a generally decent background with lots of opportunity and are in decent jobs etc. I never thought he would behave in this way ever, he certainly doesn’t give that impression at work.

I have posted before about this around 2 weeks ago and would be grateful if people didn’t attack me for that. I’m literally sat on my own, wondering how I’m celebrating a birthday dealing with all this stuff, I never thought I was a bad person but to be embroiled in this I can’t be that great. I’m really broken today.

Just be careful, his meagre contribution will come with strings potentially.
Threatening you with legal action is not a good sign. Most men would come over and sit down and talk it through, and come to an agreement. The fact he is getting the big guns out before the baby is born is not a great sign.

What is your plan post baby?

I've got no further advice, other than what has already been said. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Don't let him win 💞

Sending you a birthday hug, OP. Next year will be so much better with your lovely baby.

Your hormones must be in absolute overdrive just now. Your ex partner is trying to bully you and scare you; he isn't a real man at all, he's a s#!+. Top that off with probably being completely worn-out and it's no wonder you are so anxious.

There are lots on here who think it's best not to put a loser dad's name on the birth certificate and that sounds a good way forward to me. It can be altered later if need be, but don't fret too much on it now. Just look forward to having that little baby in your arms.

How about getting a takeaway this evening and relax in front of the telly. Or a spa evening in your own bathroom. You deserve a good rest.

If and when you get a letter from his solicitor, I would suggest you get your own solicitor. Depending on his solicitor and how much of a twat your ex is, the letter may include all kinds of threats and outrageous demands, or it may be sensible. Whatever happens, don't let it panic you.

But either way, f he want you to sign something you'll need a solicitor to advise you before doing that. I have a memory of a woman on here in a similar situation years ago where he was wealthy but had got her pregnant as part of an affair or something? I can't remember. But from memory, he DID pay a once off generous amount (like house deposit generous) and she signed to say she wouldn't ask for more. But it was a lot of money and was more in the realm of "I'll pay you so that you never tell my wife about this."

Don't forget, a solicitor will write letters to you saying whatever rubbish he tells her to say.

Most can be ignored.

Honestly I would just block him and advise if he wants any further communication to do so via a solicitor.

Further advise that you will no longer accept his threats and intimidating behaviour.

Advise that you will not be blackmailed into accepting a financial arrangement on the basis that he will deny paternity without it.

Advise that you will make use of all communication including his threats through the court process and they the court may not view his behaviour towards the Mother of his child in the last trimester favourably.

I would further advise that you will be making a claim through the CMS who will determine his financial responsibility towards the child.

If he wants to dispute paternity there are formal methods for him to do so after the child is born none of which require him to harass you further,

Then block him and spent the next two weeks chilling and preparing to meet your baby.

Full disclosure
I have a 4 year old, her father is involved but I love that it's just the two of us. It's tough at times no doubt but you will be filled with love and happiness when you get handed your baby.

Keep posting for support, contact Women's aid to do the freedom programme.

My daughter is 8 and just been us since she was 2. So much easier now and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. We have a lovely time. We watch movies and order sushi. Go out to eat and she loves it she’s really adventurous with food. I get breaks when she goes to her dads to do my own thing. It’s not the doom and gloom people think it is.

Hey op I was single whilst pregnant and he turned shitty!
I would block him on everything. He's just a nasty fucking turd and you owe him nothing.
This is such a special and exciting time
I have twins and they don't know their father but there is so much love and laughter I really wouldn't change it.
Happy Birthday and feel free to message me

it wont mean anything solicitors do whatever their client asks them to winthin the law but he cant force you into an agreement for payment with a child

just go down the cms route when your baby is born and ignore him