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Original poster

Can family just turn up at your house?

124 replies

notonur · 03/09/2022 22:08

My Nan feels that it's odd my MIL pre arranges visits, and you can't just 'pop by' . My single SIL is the same. You need to say in advanced if you're coming up, needs to be agreed to etc. I am not really like that but H is, and I do see the benefit in it. So our house is like that too

My mum's house isn't - you can just pop by anytime. No need to ' make an appointment' or really say in advanced. I always call though just to make sure she's home. I have siblings 15 years my junior so she has children herself at home still, plus my dad

My nan thinks it's uptight and wrong not to just let people round, welcome anytime

What's your take? Is your house an open house?

Despite not being like it myself, I know who's houses are the most homely feeling and welcoming - my family

OP posts:
howaboutchocolate · 04/09/2022 09:22

DeclansAFeckingDream · 04/09/2022 08:53

How else are you supposed to communicate with people who might not have your phone number.

Anyone that I want to communicate with has my phone number.

I can think of loads of people I might want to speak to who don't have my number. Quite a lot of my neighbours. Parents of my kids friends. People I've newly met and we haven't swapped numbers yet but they know where I live (it's a small village).

lamaze1 · 04/09/2022 09:31

Yes. My husbands family would disagree though and we have to pre arrange with them.

CatherinedeBourgh · 04/09/2022 09:34

They all live on different continents so would be tricky!

However even if they didn't, we all live busy lives, so it would be common sense to check beforehand that the other person isn't going to be busy. We all work from home, so people just popping in at random wouldn't work.

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Families
mondaytosunday · 04/09/2022 09:36

Immediate family know me well enough not to expect a showroom ready house so if my parents were alive or my siblings lived in the same country they could come without calling. But they never would have because 1) I may not be home
2) I may be busy working
3) they would be consecrate that it might not be convenient and at least call to see if it was ok.

anotherpotoftea · 04/09/2022 09:43

I will never understand unannounced visitors. What if you’re having sex, or in the shower, or Skyping someone who lives far away or something?!

howaboutchocolate · 04/09/2022 09:43

mondaytosunday · 04/09/2022 09:36

Immediate family know me well enough not to expect a showroom ready house so if my parents were alive or my siblings lived in the same country they could come without calling. But they never would have because 1) I may not be home
2) I may be busy working
3) they would be consecrate that it might not be convenient and at least call to see if it was ok.

Surely if 1,2 or 3 applied then they'd just say oh OK she's out/busy and go on their merry way?

We always called in on family if we were passing by and vice versa but knew there was a chance they'd be out or busy. You knock at the door and see what happens.

MarmiteCoriander · 04/09/2022 09:44

We are renovating and living in a static van in the garden.

Even worse than MIL arriving unannounced, is her arrival with her friend(s) to show off OUR house! Often people I've never met. If I'm not WFH in the tiny van, I'm painting, moving bricks, covered in dust or soil in my tatty work clothes and the last thing I want are unannounced visitors- who then expect tea laid on, house tour and idle chat about nothing!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 04/09/2022 09:46

The only family we have in this country live 4 hours away so all visits are pre planned.

I don't mind friends dropping in though. They just have to take us as they find us!

Littleguggi · 04/09/2022 09:46

Grew up in a house 30 years ago where family and neighbours would just pop by all the time, I'd be walking out of the downstairs shower on a Saturday morning with just a towel on and some aunt would be sat there. My parents would do the same and turn up unannounced everywhere. Hated it!

Fast forward now, we all have mobile phones, it takes a second to message someone to ask if they're at home. I would never turn up unannounced and wouldn't want the same. I have young children, I usually pre-make plans and have a schedule for my day.

howaboutchocolate · 04/09/2022 09:56

anotherpotoftea · 04/09/2022 09:43

I will never understand unannounced visitors. What if you’re having sex, or in the shower, or Skyping someone who lives far away or something?!

Don't answer the door?

Wouldloveanother · 04/09/2022 09:59

Yes any family can turn up whenever they like. Whether or not we will be in or in disarray is another matter!

Fundays12 · 04/09/2022 10:03

I prefer to know as half the time we are not in or have plans which I don’t see why I should cancel to accommodate someone else or the kids have activities which I won’t cancel.

Bemyclementine · 04/09/2022 10:04

Yes,my family can now I'm single. Not when my exH was here though. 🙄

gogohmm · 04/09/2022 10:06

I've never turned up at someone's house nor had visitors that haven't prearranged their visit! Who goes to someone's house without asking or being invited

gogohmm · 04/09/2022 10:07

Even the kids tell me when they are coming as I need to know for catering purposes

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 04/09/2022 10:08

Anyone welcome to pop round to me.
DBro popped in from Australia once! He stayed a few days but we didn't know he was coming. He was just working on the basis that it was term time, so we wouldn't be going anywhere.

CantstandCoriander · 04/09/2022 10:11

Family always drop in and I do the same to them, sometimes friends pop by without warning too. I couldn't imagine having to arrange visits, far too formal for family!

SafeHeaven · 04/09/2022 10:13

I would rather someone gave me some notice, within an hour or so.

it does annoy me when people drop by and expect you to stop what you’re doing, and sit and chat with them.

I have a relative that always drops by at teatime, or when I’m on my way out taking a child to swimming lessons etc. she is then quite put out that you don’t have time for her.

sidewayswalking · 04/09/2022 10:15

I don't even like people arranging a visit let alone just turning up. I can't remember the last time someone came to my house, 2014? maybe! I am autistic and find it so invasive.

Brigante9 · 04/09/2022 10:17

My family are free and easy, which is nice, I think. Fortunately, I’m 5 hours away so nobody just pops in!

gingercat02 · 04/09/2022 10:31

Yep just pop in as long as they accept that we might be doing something and preferably not at an obvious mealtime. Pretty much anyone not just family

whoruntheworldgirls · 04/09/2022 10:41

Don't like people just turning up. Like to ditch the bra at home and if someone just turned up I'd have to run upstairs and put one on (too big to leave loose in company!)

Surelyitscoffeetime · 04/09/2022 10:45

DP, DMIL and DSIL all have their own keys to our house and we have keys to theirs. I often come home to find one of them has popped in and left something in the fridge. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

GG1986 · 04/09/2022 10:49

In our family we plan our visits, just in case someone is out etc, but also if my house is messy I don't want people just rocking up at the door and expecting to come in.

UnconscionableSnacking · 04/09/2022 10:50

Only my in-laws pop in without notice, and they do it multiple times a week. We never pop in on them without notice, and tbh I think they prefer it that way. But it doesn't occur to them that we might prefer it that way as well...