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Original poster

Can family just turn up at your house?

124 replies

notonur · 03/09/2022 22:08

My Nan feels that it's odd my MIL pre arranges visits, and you can't just 'pop by' . My single SIL is the same. You need to say in advanced if you're coming up, needs to be agreed to etc. I am not really like that but H is, and I do see the benefit in it. So our house is like that too

My mum's house isn't - you can just pop by anytime. No need to ' make an appointment' or really say in advanced. I always call though just to make sure she's home. I have siblings 15 years my junior so she has children herself at home still, plus my dad

My nan thinks it's uptight and wrong not to just let people round, welcome anytime

What's your take? Is your house an open house?

Despite not being like it myself, I know who's houses are the most homely feeling and welcoming - my family

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 03/09/2022 23:38

My house is my refuge. It is where there are no surprise interactions with other people. It is the place I can recover from the strain of social expectations. Even within our household, our immediate family members all need to have solo quiet time to decompress every day.

unannounced or even short notice visits, even from family, are just plain rude.

Cherrysherbet · 03/09/2022 23:43

No. I don’t like unannounced visitors at all.

Andromachehadabadday · 03/09/2022 23:45

No, no one in our family turns up unannounced. It’s not that people aren’t welcome and if one of them needed help then fair enough.

But I Work from home, might be out, might be busy, might just want to be on my own or be watching a film.

Why would anyone set off to someone else’s house, presuming they have time or want to stop what they are doing to have someone round.

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Families
hellotheirsugar · 03/09/2022 23:48

Never thought about it but I love the random visits from family and friends !!! But Il always ring my mum an say are you in, be down in 20 or something as she's always out and same with MIL I just walk into her house and hope she's home haha, she isn't bothered either ! I love it when the older kids just come round jow their not at home x

Kite22 · 03/09/2022 23:53

I love it when people pop by.

This is asked a lot on MN, and there are a lot of people who don't like it.

I wouldn't travel to someone's house without checking if it is convenient of course, but if I am passing / nearby then I might call in. If they aren't there, or it isn't convenient, then they say so - it's fine - but if not, then people are generally pleased to see you and put the kettle on.

KiraKiraHikaru · 03/09/2022 23:55

Noooo my worst nightmare! Even my husband texts me when he leaves work so I know he’s going to be coming home!

JustLyra · 03/09/2022 23:59

Why would anyone set off to someone else’s house, presuming they have time or want to stop what they are doing to have someone round.

I think one of the big differences is families who’d say “I’m busy Mary” and there be no offence, plus no expectation to “host” if you weren’t busy.

If our family pop round and we’re busy they either disappear or, as happened to my SIL today as she popped in while I was painting, they end up involved in whatever is going on.

notangelinajolie · 04/09/2022 00:01

Open fridge here 🤨
Our back door is always unlocked and literally anyone could walk in if they wanted to. However, unannounced visitors here would only be one of our three DCs so I don’t mind. It’s nice that they come round. We have no other family. They have all moved out but there isn’t a day when at least one of them will walk through the door and ask what’s for tea.
I really don’t care if I’m still in pjs or the house is a mess.
Its not their childhood home - we downsized 18 months ago.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 04/09/2022 00:03

My parents house is open house, we live on the same road so I try to implement boundaries after I came home from work once and found my mum hoovering as she was 'bored' so I prefer not to just have them drop in. My dad will often run a bacon and egg sandwich down at 8:30 on a Sunday morning which drives me in sane as he wakes us up (just me and teen DD) but at the same time its thoughtful so I cant really complain. I would be stricter (and move further afield) if I had a partner.

Snugglemonkey · 04/09/2022 00:09

When I was at home in Ireland I was grand with people calling in whenever, unannounced. However, here in Scotland, I like to know. Probably because the only people who might do that are DP's family and I would rather know so I can check it is tidy!

Loachworks · 04/09/2022 00:09

My parents are dead but my six siblings turn up whenever. It's not a daily thing but at least one of them will pop in most weeks. I don't usually know they're coming.The only reason one might message is so they don't have a wasted journey.

We're close and get on really well. I'm seriously ill and don't visit them but it's lovely they take time to come and see how I'm doing, if I need anything and they'll always make themselves a drink. I'd think there was something wrong if they needed to make an appointment.
I also have one adult DC (he along with an adult DN) who comes for dinner every week. They don't knock. My two closest friends usually let me know they're coming by but again just to check I'm in.
I hate strangers turning up unannounced but not close family.

QueSyrahSyrah · 04/09/2022 00:13

I find it fairly intrusive when DH's family constantly FaceTime without warning, so you can guess how I feel about in-person visitors Grin

Seriously though, I love having visitors when I know they're coming, and if someone turned up because they were in some kind of need rather than just idly passing by then they'd be welcomed in with open arms.

An odd quirk of the above is Christmas. I've been lucky to spend many Christmases as the guest of friends or their families, otherwise I'd have been alone. Therefore I will always have a total open door policy in my home to any friend, family member or acquaintance who needs or wants a place to be at any time over Christmas.

PinkPupZ · 04/09/2022 00:16

YellowPlumbob · 03/09/2022 22:38

I can count on one hand the people that I don’t mind dropping in; they get that I’m ND, a single parent to 3, and work full time, so don’t give a shit if I’m in my pyjamas at 2pm on a Sunday/chaos everywhere.

Everyone else can get to fuck and prebook with me because they can’t keep their judgemental mouths shut and I refuse to listen to it any more.

this for me too

Nobetterthansheoughttobe · 04/09/2022 01:25

i almost had kittens when electricty meter repair chap rang to ask if he could come earlier than planned. Spent whole visit apologising that I hadn't cleaned the cooker (it's a gas hob)

DancingBudgie · 04/09/2022 08:30

My home is a ' kettle is always on ' home.
Family and friends are welcome anytime.

howaboutchocolate · 04/09/2022 08:45

I would love it if my family and friends lived close enough to pop by unannounced.
When I was little we always had family and friends come by. Isn't that what doorbells are for? If you're busy you just don't answer...
Do people who hate unannounced guests also hate neighbours popping by for a quick chat? How else are you supposed to communicate with people who might not have your phone number.

LadyApplejack · 04/09/2022 08:48

I think turning up unannounced is rude unless it's genuinely a flyer. So dropping something off and a quick chat in the doorway - fine. Expecting to come in and be entertained for an hour plus - no, call ahead.

LadyApplejack · 04/09/2022 08:50

I will be fine with my adult kids rocking up whenever though, just as my parents are with me and my siblings.

DeclansAFeckingDream · 04/09/2022 08:51

My children, yes, everyone else, no.

DeclansAFeckingDream · 04/09/2022 08:53

How else are you supposed to communicate with people who might not have your phone number.

Anyone that I want to communicate with has my phone number.

Bestcatmum · 04/09/2022 08:53

In an emergency I'd be happy for anyone to turn up at my house but if its not an emergency I'd prefer a call to say is it ok if I can come over. I'm rarely in because of work, evening stuff so it would pay to check first.
If it was reversed and I turned up at my parents house unannounced they would peer round the door which would be open 1cm and make an excuse why I shouldn't come in, they require 3 months notice, a covid test and a police check so I don't bother.

2Rebecca · 04/09/2022 08:57

We all live some distance from each other and have busy lives so visits are arranged well in advance. I think it's rude and selfish to presume that just because a particular time is convenient for you it is also convenient for the other person. Many people use being related to someone as an excuse to behave selfishly though

FredrikaPeri · 04/09/2022 08:58

Close family or very close friends fine. Anyone else, you need to give me some notice!

Stillfunny · 04/09/2022 09:02

I used to live in UK after I got married. I had no idea that calling first was even a thing to do. I cringe now about the amount of times people must have dreaded see us coming and think we were rude. I blame STBX as he should have said
something to me .
I hate the need to call ahead as it then turns into a bigger occasion than necessary. But I respect that it is the norm now.

caringcarer · 04/09/2022 09:09

I could always just pop in at my parents house and my children can pop into my home. Actually I would not mind my mil, or siblings popping in any time either, but as both live over a 2 mile drive away it is unlikely as I may not be in. I am a Foster Carer and have to keep our house ready for an unannounced visit at all times. So that's why I would not mind family popping by unannounced.