When was the last time you felt total and utter joy?

[Zebrasandfairytales]

I just thought this morning, I can’t remember when I last felt like that. That feeling of happiness, freedom, contentment, joy. Which is really sad.

I thought maybe reading others moments of joy might give me some joyspiration.

Or if others feel similar help me to feel less alone.

Last Saturday, sitting by a lake with my family and my dog. We had a picnic, talked, and walked the dogs.

I have been a carer for 9 years and much though I love and miss the person I cared for (now in a home) my life was restricted by her needs. She couldn't have stayed outside for 6 hours. She would have needed several trips back and forth to the toilet, would have needed help with lunch, would have required us to adjust all the plans, even where we chose to sit because of her physical limitations.

I was so overcome by a sense of peace because I knew when I got home I would have nothing more taxing to do than cook tea that I cried. I actually said to the family "I have dreamt of days like this." It encapsulated all the things I have been unable to do for a long, long time.

Two weeks ago on local beach, my first time with long wanted dgd aged 2.
she happily sat in the shade filling her bucket with sand, we had a l picnic , then an ice cream. I sat in the sun watching her and looking at the sea. Sheer joy

Last Thursday, when DS WhatsApped me his exam results one by one and he'd done much better than any of us had been expecting. It was pure relief as well as joy and it was the first time I'd felt like that in a very long time.

On a fairground ride this week, terrified with my kids and friends kids. Just being with a really old solid friend which is only once a year.

On holiday in the iow looking over at Portsmouth. Felt like I was in the med.

Last month when I read a educational psychologist say my son with severe needs has a normal IQ.

My eldest smashing his a levels after really struggling with school refusal at 60% attendance for 6 years.

Honestly the shit stuff makes the rest shine out. My mate was bragging about how wonderful her dd had done at a levels and I don't think she had a clue how grateful I was. Because the journey was harder won.

Same for other sons IQ. He didn't talk until he was 7. How could anyone else be as pleased as me hearing their child has a adverage IQ?

How could anyone know how amazing his first words was as I had waited 7 years to hear them?

Little things others take for granted I realise we actually very lucky considering to be where we are.

I'm on a mental health roller coaster but never seem to get the highs. I won a competition on my horse and was shocked but happy until the doubts etc creep in. I get relief? As in I've dreaded something or some stress situation stops and enjoy the relief from that?

2015 - my baby was so joyful.

I guess that’s a long time ago now ☹️

Where was this?

I can't think of any occasion in my life when I've felt like that, to be honest - and I can't think of anything that would induce it. There is too much sadness and suffering in the world. The best we can hope for is to find peace within ourselves and to be content with what we have.

Getting to drive a Tesla after passing driving test.
Still love the car and freedom 1 year on.

A couple of weeks ago hearing of the birth of a colleagues baby, they'd been trying for a very long time. Just amazing news. I'm so happy for them.

I remember the soaring joy I felt when I moved into my flat after my divorce, I was almost floating
Recently, I still feel joy when I wake up alone in a neat tidy bedroom in my clean sheets

I love to stand and look at a beautiful view, of mountains or sea or hills. It's comforting, in a strange sort of way, to know that all of that was there (the wind was blowing, the waves were breaking) for countless eons of time before I existed and they will continue to be there for countless eons after I'm gone. Permanence v transience. I find the permanence comforting in the face of my own transience. It induces a feeling of acceptance that life is finite and all our struggles and the things we fight over are but dust in the wind.

Yesterday swimming in the sea.

The day before when I was up in London and realised my adult DS was round the corner and we met for a drink, he was speaking to my friends and my friends MIL and I was just so proud of what a lovely man he has become.

The week before on holiday when I had had a couple of drinks and was warm and totally relaxed on a sun lounger listening to great music with a friend and nobody needed anything from me at all. I could hear DH and some others cooking and the DC were all running around together. Bliss.

After life being such a drudge and so low level scary for the last couple of years, I feel incredibly grateful to have life back now.

I struggle with this, presumably due to mental health. I will often see something and know how I should be feeling but it is like the feeling is removed from me.

The last time I felt utter joy was back in March. I had spent the day in the Himalayan foothills with a friend, searching for a hidden pool. I was tired, my face dirty with road-dust, and with sore butt from the off-road biking. I walked alone across the historic Laxman Jhula bridge as the lights came on and the sun went down in Rishikesh. I felt the tremendous energy of the place and of the Ganges. I was overcome with a feeling of being there right at that time and being joyously alive.

I feel such vitality so seldom, that I always worry I will never feel that way again.

This for us in 2020 for DS who has fairly severe SENs. Teacher assesed grades, he had been bordeline 3/4 throughout in Eng Lang and he got a 5. Over the moon.

Not total joy but immense pleasure about my daughter’s GCSE results and the fact that she s started seeing a really lovely boy who has a lot in common with her.

When did I last experience joy? This morning drinking my first cuppa of the day whilst listening to the birds sing and the sun was shining in the garden. I have a spinal cord injury and multiple conditions and I seek to find a moment of joy every day. I have to manage pain on a daily basis.

Sounds lovely, where was that? 🙂

I meant to add. I agree life is tough! Especially at the moment. Only this morning I was saying that (for me personally) I need very little to be content; food in my belly, warmth in the hearth, a small garden, being near nature and water. After which I realised many many people just don’t have their basic needs met 😢 Hope you can find some joy @Zebrasandfairytales ❤️

Honestly every day brings me a little bit of joy because of my baby.
hes 14 months old and I still have moments when I can't believe he's mine.
added to this he's now starting to interact way more and recently learned to blow kisses....honestly my heart could burst!

Yesterday when I had an hour to myself. I considered going home (between dropping off and picking back up DC) to do half an hour of house work, but decided to park up and go for a walk instead.

Down to the beach, along the harbour and up the breakwater. A seal swimming either side with lots of tourist children calling each other over to see this amazing animal. Live music playing from the cafe in the background. Sun on my face, sea water glinting, I felt like I could have been abroad.

I try to make sure I see the good and wonderful wherever I can, as both my DC have challenges that are a struggle for them, which therefore impacts on me as well. Whenever I can get a moment to myself I try to take it and make the most of it.

It may sound very cliché, but I've said many times that the birth of my daughter made me feel pure joy for the first time I can remember. I'm generally a miserable sod, but I've felt happiness, excitement, fear at multiple times on my life.

Sitting there in the communal room of the maternity ward (pre-covid) whilst my wife got a couple of hours of sleep, talking to this tiny little person, this life that was now my responsibility, it was like something just clicked in me.

3 years later and she still brightens my existence every day.

I think the idea of total and utter joy is an unhelpful and unrealistic ideal TBH - I just spent 6 days away camping with my wife - walking 5-6 hrs a day - just talking, ambling, picking sloes from hedgerows, laughing, walking the dog, getting on well, listening to the radio - I feel really content with that - for days I've been saying - it's been brilliant - to get away and be together improvising our way through the day, trying to say "yes" to as many things as possible.

Last month. Went to a gig for a band I've liked for decades but have never managed to go and see before. Had tears in my eyes, they were amazing.

Few moths ago when I got a raise, it was a total surprise, had no idea my boss recommended me.