Wanted a girl… talk to me about a boy?! Please

[Interga]

I know it’s silly. I’m sad as might be my only dc… I feel awful for being sad! His dad is a bit unpredictable too and is likely not going to be around much, I worry I won’t know what I’m doing. Worry boys need dads more than girls do etc etc. And I just don’t feel excited as I should .

I have 3. I adore every inch of all of them. They're into all sorts. I can't imagine there being a wild difference between them and having a girl. I wanted a girl too, but wouldn't change a hair on their heads.

I found it easiest to separate what you have from what you want. So I never wanted them to be different, but I wanted a girl too- does that make sense? Those two thoughts can co-exist in my head. I'm sad I never had a girl, but I'm not sad my 3dc are boys. (Work that one out)

I always wanted a boy and have three girls... swapsies? 😆

I've had both you honestly just love them the same. I found them similar as babies but ds a harder toddler. Dd was horrendous teen so hoping ds will be easier. Yes I have more in common with dd ie shopping, Disney films. But I love playing Mario with ds and he loves board games and they both love reading.

Oh no, honestly op you will love your little boy when he gets here, and won't imagine it any other way! Obviously there's exceptions to the rule, but in my experience ttle girls are usually for their dad and little boys for their Mummy! If dad is away alot as well your baby will have such a special close bond with you regardless! He will worship his Mummy!

I have 2 boys and I absolutely love them and wouldn't change them for the world. I did have a moment when pregnant with ds2(I only wanted 2 dc) where I mourned the daughter I would never have (a sort of mini me I had built up in my head); I'm sure she would have been a tom boy and complete opposite to me in reality! 😂

i guess what I am trying to say is your feelings are perfectly valid, but it will pass. I couldn't be any more fulfilled with my boys and wouldn't change a thing.
X and congratulations!!

I have five and I wouldn't change it for the world. ONLY in my opinion boys are easier than girls (only know from friends experiences). There is much less drama. However, there is messiness, odors, ridiculous appetites and they are very loud.

'There is much less drama.

You haven't met my ds1 😂i swear he is currently auditioning for amateur dramatics!

Single parent here! Currently watching my 8 month old boy rolling around the floor. He's absolutely lovely and my best friend. I couldn't imagine a different baby. He's a joy, he's happy and loving, is starting to give actual cuddles. I'm in love completely with him. Obviously he could be like this if he was a girl!

Boys are just lovely, girls are too, but my lad is so loving and affectionate, loves a cuddle and pays me compliments.
There's something very special about Mums and sons x

I’ve got two boys - was admittedly disappointed for a short minute when I found out the second was another boy - but honestly they’re fab and you will love them just as much.

in relation to the slightly absent dad I’m in the same boat so I make sure they are surrounded by lots of positive male role models - encourage them spending time with their male cousins, uncles, include friends husbands on days out etc. the more the merrier.

the youngest has a male key worker at nursery which has been fantastic - i wish there were more men in childcare settings as I do think it’s beneficial (for boys and girls).

I think you have to think what you 'wanted / expected' from having a girl?
Was it a very close / girly mother daughter relationship?
You might not have got that anyway?
I imagined a lovely 'girly' relationship with my Dd (perhaps because I never got that from my own Mother). In fact my Dd is Autistic, Gay, (possTrans) & has not been 'girly' ever (I gave up on dresses when she started to crawl as they got in her way, never played with dolls, cut off her long hair, not 'girly' in any way at all).
But, you know what - she is FAB. She is smart, funny, honest - keeps me on my toes! Luckily she's also cuddly/ affectionate (when in the mood like any teen)

Maybe not perhaps the most helpful example but what I am trying to say is: you have to try to love the child you get, not the one you thought you might get.
It's fine to feel sad about not having a boy, of course it is -
but you might get the most amazing girl so Congratuations on that x

I just read that back, & in case it's not clear, I think my Dd is the Most Amazing Girl (though that would annoy her as her current preferred pronoun is not 'girl')

I have one child, a boy, and his dad is not in the picture.

He is the most amazing person I could ever have wished for. Hes my best bud. Nearly 6, and has a lot of difficulties but I wouldn't change him for the world.

You won’t care about it when you have your darling little boy in your arms. I was secretly hoping for a girl (we didn’t find out the sex) but oh I couldn’t imagine having it any other way now. My ds is 5 months and he’s my world, he’s such a happy, sweet little boy, i wouldn’t change a thing! We would like another eventually and I honestly wouldn’t mind at all what we have as I have so much love for this little boy. I quite think two little boys would be amazing!

I think stereotypes play into this a lot and I agree you need to separate out what it was you thought you'd have from having a daughter. Just as an example, my mum always wanted a daughter and got me but for various reasons I'm a lot closer to my dad. We never did the shopping together/trips away/mother daughter bonding type thing that many seem to talk about.

My DH on the other hand has a really close relationship with his mum. Far closer than I am with mine. I think lots of people parrot the "your son is your son until he gets a wife but your daughter's your daughter for the rest of your life" rhyme and it's total bullshit. In fact, I think that mothers of sons that do subscribe to that are just creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

@interga I was in a similar situation, plus was an older mum when I had my dc

I had one of each. They are now late teens/young adults and I had/still have a different relationship with each of them which is based more on temperament rather than boy or girl stuff

Why do you think you had such a strong connection to wanting a girl, OP? Ultimately do those things stand up to close inspection or are they based on other things, preconceptions about gender roles, a personality you're placing on the child that suits preferences you have - what are those and why, do they relate to your own relationship with your own parents or something you feel is lacking somewhere that thoughts of a little girl fill. I don't think it's something you need to feel bad about, you can't help what you're feeling - but it's definitely worth introspection, presumably therein lies the real clarity.

I don't think it stands up to an awful lot that a boy needs his dad more than his mum. If the child was planned with a man that isn't consistent or likely to contribute anyway it wouldn't really matter either way. It seems like this is more about your own preconceived ideas of how you imagined a little girl to be and what you imagined they will become. I think ultimately when someone becomes pregnant or tries to be there is no guarantee you will realise any gender preference you have, a second DC might also be a boy.

No boys don't need their dads more. When he's older you can make sure there's a decent male role model in his life somewhere (football coach, guitar teacher, scout master - something like that)

Having a son is a marvelous thing. Mine was fabulous children and are now caring young men I'm absolutely proud of.

I agree with the above poster once you have your little boy In your arms you won't care. You'll build a bond and have some amazing times ahead.

I have two lads and a little girl. My girl is into reptiles, sciencey experiments, hates dresses, pretty bobbles and dancing. Likes getting muddy and prefers leggings and wearing her eldest brothers t shirts.

One of my lads loves disney, performing, dancing, anything glittery, elsa dress up, singing, clothes shopping, shoe shopping and fluffy animals. He is what most family picture what my dd should be like.

My other lad prefers books, art , history, biking and going on nature hikes, is quiet, thoughtful, tidy and is totally opposite of what everyone says boys should be.

As they Grow you'll bond and find mutual interests - you'll make some wonderful memories and I can assure you it's a joy to experience them becoming there own person.

(Plus you can get some lovely baby boy clothes - think frugi, boden, Toby tiger, little bird if you like a bit of colour!)

You really won't care once he's here. I was desperate for a girl with my second, so I get the 'disappointment'. But that boys are easier that girls is a myth, my daughter (3rd time lucky 😂) has been by far the easiest.

I've got 2 of each. In my experience the boys are easier and more affectionate. My eldest son's dad was never around and he's grown up into a lovely lad I'm very proud of.

I have 3 boys (well they are men now) and they are and always have been my greatest joy.
If I could I'd turn the clock back and do it all again ( minus the sleep deprivation when babies) I would.
Zero drama, loving, kind and affectionate, calm, funny, clever, super respectful and extremely protective. I expect girls would have been the same.

It's how you raise them.

I'm very lucky to have one of each. I love them totally equally, but my boy is just gorgeous: he's kind, funny, loving... He and his friends get on with zero drama, unlike my DD and her friends both when little children and as teenagers (I should say not now they're 17, they all get on very well).

Boys are great. Mine towers over me now. He's cuddly, funny, caring compassionate, enthusiastic about everything and an all around fantastic son.
He's also an easier teen than his sister ( who is also wonderful).

I was sure I’d have a girl and when he was delivered and a boy I couldn’t quite believe it. I am quiet and a bit melancholy and bony/scrawny, and I just imagined a small self. What I got was a total shock: this roly-poly little lump of sociable boy-shaped sunshine who from really early on just seemed to be thinking “ok, what can I enjoy here?!” He is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and the reality of him blew my baby-girl imaginings out of the water. He’s 5 tomorrow and I’m still glad of him every day.

Feel your feelings for sure, but try not to worry. The reality of your actual child is very likely to eclipse all your worries.

I have a DD and 2 DS. When I was having my third I wanted a D's as little boys love their Mummy's much. My children are all grown up now but I am emotionally closer to my sons than my dd.