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Original poster

What do I do about accomodation for this trip?

129 replies

PowerPack · 20/08/2022 21:58

Six of us going. One couple, 2 single men, one married man (wife not going) and me. 3 nights in a European capital.

An apartment with 3 twin rooms has been identified as suitable. I shall have to ask but as yet, I don't know who I'm expected to share with.

I know the couple well, the others are friends, but not that close. I've never been away with them before.

Obviously if I ask for my own room, the cost goes up for everyone (or I cover the increase?)

Or I just go for it and share with one of the men? I think I could live with that for a few days, I'd be perfectly safe with any of them, but the reality might be a bit uncomfortable. If I could choose, there's one of the men I'd feel more comfortable with, but he's probably also the one with a bit of a rep as a ladies man (although never made a move on me). Quite difficult for me to come out and say who I'd prefer though! Definitely not the married man.

WWYD?

FWIW I said yes before I knew who was going on the trip, I thought there would be more people and more women, but I'm looking forward to it and the people are a good fun crowd, it's just the sleeping arrangements!

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 15:10

chopc · 21/08/2022 15:05

Have you asked explicitly what the rooms share will be? You can't take it as a given that one of the men will want to share with you. I think you need to rethink accommodation to include a double, a triple and a single or get four rooms. As you said being a single person is expensive when it comes to trips so you might just need to suck up the additional cost (if you are paying per room)

I did bite the bullet and ask what the sleeping arrangements will be.

I got the response "haven't thought that far 😆" (their laughing face)

A large part of me is just happy that someone else is doing the leg work!

OP posts:
sleepymum50 · 21/08/2022 15:13

I went to a wedding with my husband. A single female friend decided to come at the last minute. No single occupancy rooms. She and I bunked together and he went in with another bloke.

I would hope they would see your predicament and offer this solution.

Unless you can think of a reason ref the guy your most comfortable with (eg he’s doesn’t snore, he’s nearer your age etc)

Maireas · 21/08/2022 15:17

PowerPack · 21/08/2022 15:10

I did bite the bullet and ask what the sleeping arrangements will be.

I got the response "haven't thought that far 😆" (their laughing face)

A large part of me is just happy that someone else is doing the leg work!

Show quote history

Not nice people

JustJustWhy · 21/08/2022 15:18

There's nothing to answer really. Because PITA man is tagging along and doesn't consider himself to be the interloper or to offer to share with another bloke to make way for you, a legitimate member of the group, you will be sharing with a bloke. Decide which one you'll be most comfortable with. Not much more you can do.

Maireas · 21/08/2022 15:20

I don't understand why they don't consider your needs as the only lone woman.

rookiemere · 21/08/2022 15:24

OP if you look for accommodation through VRBO you can stipulate number of bedrooms. The ideal scenario would be that you find something with 4 bedrooms at the same price Grin.

I wouldn't expect a couple to split up and I don't think they are being particularly selfish in not offering to do that. Maybe you could message the woman separately and say you're not sure about sharing a room with a bloke and has it happened before.

Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 15:26

I've taken it that they're being a bit useless rather than inconsiderate, but I do know when they've done these trips before there have been occasions when accomodation has been mixed, so I don't think it seems that odd to them

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 15:29

rookiemere · 21/08/2022 15:24

OP if you look for accommodation through VRBO you can stipulate number of bedrooms. The ideal scenario would be that you find something with 4 bedrooms at the same price Grin.

I wouldn't expect a couple to split up and I don't think they are being particularly selfish in not offering to do that. Maybe you could message the woman separately and say you're not sure about sharing a room with a bloke and has it happened before.

Thank you, I'll have a look, although I was going to leave them to get on with it!

No, I don't think it's reasonable to expect the couple to split or that it's odd that he is coming and I'm surprised how many do. Tbh I don't think DH and I would have been willing to sleep separately and share with someone else on such a trip.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 21/08/2022 15:38

Ah sorry I didn't read your post where you said you were stepping back from the accommodation arrangements.

In that case I think your options are either to go or not go. If you didn't make it clear at the start that you wanted a single room, then they didn't think to look for one. It would have been nice if they had asked, but if male and female have shared before, then they must have assumed it wouldn't be an issue for you.

fdkc · 21/08/2022 15:58

To me there is just one option and that is for you to book a four or five bedroomed property. I wouldn't care one bit if it brought the cost up slightly for everyone else, if they want to bring the cost down they can book a place to stay individually to suit themselves and not stay as a group.

They are being extremely selfish and inconsiderate to just presume you will share a room with a man without at least not asking you first. If it was me doing the organisation for this particular group, I would text everyone individually and ask if they were ok to share or want a room of their own. Even the two single men might want a room of their own, I hope they will be asked and it's not just presumed they will share just cause they are both men.

I wouldn't expect the couple to be split up at all, if I were spending alot of money to go away for three nights with my husband and friends I would want to be able to share a bed with him and enjoy our time away. I don't think they are unreasonable and I think replies calling them weird and saying they have an unhealthy relationship over this is jumping the gun a bit.

You need to be assertive and tell them when they are looking at properties make sure you have your own room as you are not comfortable with sharing with a man who you are not particularly close too.

JustJustWhy · 21/08/2022 16:41

I'm applying the same logic to a group I belong to. We regularly go away on weekends together to take part in that hobby. From what I can understand, the husband isn't IN this group, he's going because he and his wife don't seem to be able to do anything separately. I'm applying this to the group I'm in. I'd be really unimpressed if one of our members decided to bring their spouse with them which would mean I'd have to share with a man.

Kite22 · 21/08/2022 16:56

The key for me is that the 3 single men aren't close friends.
You say the couple are closer to you - even though they clearly are not really considering you.

There is a big difference between a hostel room / dorm sharing and sharing a room for 2. In that you are sharing with several other people and no-one needs to do anything other than get in to bed - you are all strangers passing in the night - whereas there is something much more intimate about sharing a room for two 'as friends'. I don't mean that in a sexual way even, (I probably need another word but can't think of one) - but it is personal if, in a group of friends, two people retire for the night together. Conversation is sort of expected and it could just be awkward. Now, if you are really good friends, you can probably laugh your way through that, but the OP says she has known them quite a while through the hobby, they are friends but not that close and she hasn't been away with them before

Re the cost, it shouldn't be for you to take on the additional cost of getting an extra room. The couple are (you presume) unwilling to do the obvious split, so logically, if anyone did it would be them, but I would consider it just the cost of the accommodation for the Group, and presumably split between the 6 of you. If the others think that is unreasonable then they need to come up with an option everyone is happy with.

Your posts seem to fluctuate a bit between what you are happy with / comfortable with, and it strikes me that you are probably putting yourself and what you really feel to one side in an effort not to cause anyone any difficulty.

hopeishere · 21/08/2022 17:12

Airbnb let's you select number of bedrooms.

Crunchymum · 21/08/2022 17:34

Surely 3 twin rooms to sleep 6 leave you only two options

Option 1: you and the other female / 2 men / 2 men
Option 2: couple / 2 men / you share with other man.

You cannot have your own room as 3 men won't fit into a twin room?

Ragwort · 21/08/2022 18:11

I know people keep going on about this but presumably your married couple friends know you are widowed so it's really quite shocking that the wife expects her widowed friend to share a room with a bloke .. and I guess you are all around your mid 50s so it's not like a load of students going to a festival who don't care who they share a tent with. I'd love to know what this activity is that it's so exciting that it can't be missed ... and if I was that keen to go I would just accept the expense of finding a hotel room for myself.

SwedishEdith · 21/08/2022 18:21

PowerPack · 21/08/2022 08:25

You probably need to know the couple to understand just how much they won't be sleeping separately. They're, shall we say, eccentric? Lovely, very kind and generous in very many ways, but they're not going to be separated. No one would ask. He's only coming because she wants to go and they don't do things separately.

Have you ever stayed anywhere with these people before? This description alone would be enough to put me off. I'm visualising Nuts in May.

But as it seems you don't sound too bothered, choose the flirty one.

What do I do about accomodation for this trip?
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 19:14

SwedishEdith · 21/08/2022 18:21

Have you ever stayed anywhere with these people before? This description alone would be enough to put me off. I'm visualising Nuts in May.

But as it seems you don't sound too bothered, choose the flirty one.

Show quote history

I have been away with them before, yes, although there was another woman for me to share with on that occasion. It was a very relaxed weekend, everyone rubbed along beautifully, lots of fun, no drama, very easy going.

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 19:18

I'm comfortable to share with flirtyman. The other single man is probably outwardly the safer, more sensible choice, but I don't know him as well. I honestly don't mind sharing with either of them, my preference being flirty man.

I definitely wouldn't want to share with married man. I know his wife, she might be quite relaxed about it, but it wouldn't be right.

If I'm honest, my concerns are all about how it looks for a fairly recently widowed woman to be sharing with a "new" man. I don't have any concerns for how the weekend would be.

OP posts:
MineIsBetterThanYours · 21/08/2022 19:19

I would share with one of the men but I know I’m unusual in that respect 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

it’s also quite possible that the men aren’t happy with sharing with you either. The one who is married especially

You could move the mattress from e room to the men sleep in the same room or one person sleeps in the living room.

What are the other men saying??

Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 19:20

JustJustWhy · 21/08/2022 16:41

I'm applying the same logic to a group I belong to. We regularly go away on weekends together to take part in that hobby. From what I can understand, the husband isn't IN this group, he's going because he and his wife don't seem to be able to do anything separately. I'm applying this to the group I'm in. I'd be really unimpressed if one of our members decided to bring their spouse with them which would mean I'd have to share with a man.

It's not quite like that because the husband is one of our group socially. He's a lot of fun and attends all our social things, he's just not into the thing the trip is about.

OP posts:
MineIsBetterThanYours · 21/08/2022 19:22

Sorry xpost

the last thing I would worry about is ‘how it look of a recently widow woman shares a room with a single man’ tbh

od say they wouldnt either if they are quite used to mixed sleeping arrangement

Frazzled2207 · 21/08/2022 19:24

I’d be seeing if there was 4 bed apparentments available and offering to pay extra for your own room.

Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 19:27

MineIsBetterThanYours · 21/08/2022 19:22

Sorry xpost

the last thing I would worry about is ‘how it look of a recently widow woman shares a room with a single man’ tbh

od say they wouldnt either if they are quite used to mixed sleeping arrangement

I don't mean how it looks to the people on the trip, they'll be very relaxed about it. I mean how it looks to everyone else!

Actually, thinking about it I think I'm scared the couple friends DH and I shared will disapprove, but they've been so useless they're the reason I jumped at the chance to go - building a new social circle for myself.

OP posts:
TopGolfer · 21/08/2022 19:39

Book a four bedroom place or two two bedrooms.

Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 20:10

OK, I think we're sorted. We're going to book an extra apartment for 2 people in the same complex. I offered to pay for it, but they're insisting that the total will still be split 6 ways 🙂

I'll worry about who goes in that apartment later. Maybe we can find out who snores most 😆

OP posts: