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Original poster

What do I do about accomodation for this trip?

129 replies

PowerPack · 20/08/2022 21:58

Six of us going. One couple, 2 single men, one married man (wife not going) and me. 3 nights in a European capital.

An apartment with 3 twin rooms has been identified as suitable. I shall have to ask but as yet, I don't know who I'm expected to share with.

I know the couple well, the others are friends, but not that close. I've never been away with them before.

Obviously if I ask for my own room, the cost goes up for everyone (or I cover the increase?)

Or I just go for it and share with one of the men? I think I could live with that for a few days, I'd be perfectly safe with any of them, but the reality might be a bit uncomfortable. If I could choose, there's one of the men I'd feel more comfortable with, but he's probably also the one with a bit of a rep as a ladies man (although never made a move on me). Quite difficult for me to come out and say who I'd prefer though! Definitely not the married man.

WWYD?

FWIW I said yes before I knew who was going on the trip, I thought there would be more people and more women, but I'm looking forward to it and the people are a good fun crowd, it's just the sleeping arrangements!

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:04

Maireas · 21/08/2022 09:44

Why have your friends chosen accommodation which means that you have to share with a man?
Were you consulted?
There will always be somewhere else to stay. Either book a bigger place or stay somewhere on your own.

I think they've just looked for accomodation for 6 people without thinking it through, probably because they do this sort of thing quite often. In the past, I would have shared with late DH or, more often, not been able to go because of work, but the dates work for me on this trip .

Yes, I'm being consulted now.

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:16

YBF to them all, when we first started looking it was a bit "too many cooks" with multiple links being sent and no decision made, so I said I'd step back and be happy with whatever they were happy with.

I don't know that I'm m trying to be cool girl, but I am grateful that these people have tried to "take me under their wings" and invited me in things (not just trips away) since DH died, when frankly most of our couple friends have been rubbish and practically disappeared.

Having been married for 30 years myself, I don't think the married couple's relationship is unhealthily. It works well for them and they are very caring towards each other. They've also been married 30 years and have weathered some really tough times, that would have broken other couples. Not everyone is the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:24

Ragwort · 21/08/2022 08:22

Well from your update it sounds like you aren't that bothered about sharing with one of the men (how do they feel about it?) so why are you even posting about it? Confused

I posted mostly for views on how to arrange the finance of it all if I have my own room because it puts up the cost for everyone. Or whether it was reasonable to do that when I could just be brave and share.

OP posts:
MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 21/08/2022 14:30

I'm sorry about your husband.

To me, it sounds like you don't want to share a room with one of the men but you are putting yourself at the bottom of the pile. You are just as important as the rest of the people.

You shouldn't have to feel like you should be 'be brave and share'. It's perfectly normal and OK to say you don't want to share a room with a man.

You either need a room of your own or you need to share with the woman.

How come it's you that has to be brave? How come you have to be the one sacrificing something?

thefizz · 21/08/2022 14:30

How recently did you know about the accommodation? Were you asked your opinion? Do any of the men have a view, they might not want to share with you either.

I would not go unless the woman shared with me full stop. Awks all round sharing with a man, no matter how well you know them. Sorry not happening. I wouldn't even share with a female friend such is my value on privacy and am well prepared to pay for the privilege.

I don't know what you are asking since you seem to think it's fine to share with a man, and accept without question that the woman refuses to share. Nope, just because you are female doesn't mean you have to do something "just because".

I'd rather stay in a suburb and get a train/uber back in for my sanity, since you say it is a do the event and flop!

Sparkletastic · 21/08/2022 14:30

If you aren't bothered then share. I'd be fairly bothered about even sharing with a good female friend nowadays. My days of bunking with others and getting a good night's sleep are long gone.

TidyDancer · 21/08/2022 14:33

I wouldn't be willing to share personally, unless I knew the other people exceptionally well and even then I'd rather not.

The options as I see it are:

a) you share with the wife and the husband shares with one of the other men. I know you say this won't happen but this is the sensible option and their unwillingness to do this is selfish on their part (especially since it's twin beds and they won't be sleeping together).

b) one of the six twin beds is moved to the largest room so you have bedrooms of three (three men), two (married couple) and one (you). With the married couple ruling out option a then this is probably next best.

c) you stay elsewhere. Increasing the cost for everyone (including you) so maybe not the best idea.

d) one of the men sleeps on a sofa (bit unfair and the cost to him should be reflected).

e) you sleep on the sofa (see above).

f) you share with a man.

Given everything you've said, I would go for option b) at this point.

Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:33

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 21/08/2022 14:30

I'm sorry about your husband.

To me, it sounds like you don't want to share a room with one of the men but you are putting yourself at the bottom of the pile. You are just as important as the rest of the people.

You shouldn't have to feel like you should be 'be brave and share'. It's perfectly normal and OK to say you don't want to share a room with a man.

You either need a room of your own or you need to share with the woman.

How come it's you that has to be brave? How come you have to be the one sacrificing something?

OK, but then would you organise the finance?

They've just been looking for the cheapest way to accommodate everyone. It's nothing to do with not considering anyone. I don't especially want to pay for a room alone either.

Being widowed is expensive! Your income falls, your tax goes up and your expenses remain the same!

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:34

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 21/08/2022 14:30

I'm sorry about your husband.

To me, it sounds like you don't want to share a room with one of the men but you are putting yourself at the bottom of the pile. You are just as important as the rest of the people.

You shouldn't have to feel like you should be 'be brave and share'. It's perfectly normal and OK to say you don't want to share a room with a man.

You either need a room of your own or you need to share with the woman.

How come it's you that has to be brave? How come you have to be the one sacrificing something?

Whoever shares with me is also "sacrificing"?

OP posts:
titchy · 21/08/2022 14:44

I posted mostly for views on how to arrange the finance of it all if I have my own room because it puts up the cost for everyone. Or whether it was reasonable to do that when I could just be brave and share.

But it's not you being awkward. You're asking for something completely normal. The ones who ARE being awkward are the couple controllinghusband who are insisting that a) the husband comes even though the event is of no interest and b) then insisting he shares with his wife who would otherwise be the obvious person for sharing a room with you.

Kezzie200 · 21/08/2022 14:47

It's not suitable. It's not the safety angle but privacy.

I recently had to share a twin room with my elderly father. It had to be that way and it was OK but, privacy wise, I would certainly not recommend pushing the boundary any further. The situation you describe is a definite no from me.

thefizz · 21/08/2022 14:49

Stay in a hotel on your own. Just tell them that's what you are doing, it is not your problem to worry about their expenses. Just present it as a fait accompli. I do understand that it will be a little more expensive for you, but it will be FAR more comfortable.

If you think your solution will cause issues, well then the group is not ideal is it for any future trips?

I would be raging if this type of stunt was pulled on me as part of a group TBH.

Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:49

titchy · 21/08/2022 14:44

I posted mostly for views on how to arrange the finance of it all if I have my own room because it puts up the cost for everyone. Or whether it was reasonable to do that when I could just be brave and share.

But it's not you being awkward. You're asking for something completely normal. The ones who ARE being awkward are the couple controllinghusband who are insisting that a) the husband comes even though the event is of no interest and b) then insisting he shares with his wife who would otherwise be the obvious person for sharing a room with you.

Or the husband who's making an effort to take an interest in and support his wife's interests? As I said you have to know them, but there's nothing controlling about it and they're the ones who fit neatly into a shared room. It's not their issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:51

Fwiw, DH would have come on this trip with me too, even though we did spend plenty of time apart

OP posts:
KosherDill · 21/08/2022 14:54

How many bathrooms are there?

I could possibly suck up the bedroom sharing, but six people to one bathroom? No thanks.

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 21/08/2022 14:54

*OK, but then would you organise the finance?

They've just been looking for the cheapest way to accommodate everyone. It's nothing to do with not considering anyone. I don't especially want to pay for a room alone either.*

It's not the cheapest though. It's the cheapest where some people are accommodated and some are not.

The cheapest would be one room and everyone is sharing. Or a hostel.

I'd deal with the finances by paying my equal share and sharing with the only other woman or by saying

'this three bedroom place doesn't have enough bedrooms if Susan and Geoff want to share'

it's them wanting to share a room that is causing the extra expense. Not you. There are three bedrooms and two women and four men. Susan and Geoff are causing the problem, not you.

Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:56

KosherDill · 21/08/2022 14:54

How many bathrooms are there?

I could possibly suck up the bedroom sharing, but six people to one bathroom? No thanks.

Three. An ensuite in each room

OP posts:
Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:58

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 21/08/2022 14:54

*OK, but then would you organise the finance?

They've just been looking for the cheapest way to accommodate everyone. It's nothing to do with not considering anyone. I don't especially want to pay for a room alone either.*

It's not the cheapest though. It's the cheapest where some people are accommodated and some are not.

The cheapest would be one room and everyone is sharing. Or a hostel.

I'd deal with the finances by paying my equal share and sharing with the only other woman or by saying

'this three bedroom place doesn't have enough bedrooms if Susan and Geoff want to share'

it's them wanting to share a room that is causing the extra expense. Not you. There are three bedrooms and two women and four men. Susan and Geoff are causing the problem, not you.

You say that but if you look on, say, Booking.com it doesn't even give you the option to book 4 rooms for 6 people. You have to say there's 7 to be offered 4 rooms

OP posts:
titchy · 21/08/2022 14:59

It's not their issue.

It is though. You're a group of six. Not a group of four plus this couple who are making their own arrangements.

Given there are two women and four men, the ones the fit most neatly into a room are the two women. If there was any other combination I'd agree that the couple were the best fit for one room, but where there are only two women in a group maintaining decency and comfort for both has to take priority.

KosherDill · 21/08/2022 15:00

titchy · 21/08/2022 14:59

It's not their issue.

It is though. You're a group of six. Not a group of four plus this couple who are making their own arrangements.

Given there are two women and four men, the ones the fit most neatly into a room are the two women. If there was any other combination I'd agree that the couple were the best fit for one room, but where there are only two women in a group maintaining decency and comfort for both has to take priority.

This.

People married 30 years just too precious to spend a few nights a bedroom apart? F that.

Original poster
PowerPack · 21/08/2022 15:00

PowerPack · 21/08/2022 14:58

You say that but if you look on, say, Booking.com it doesn't even give you the option to book 4 rooms for 6 people. You have to say there's 7 to be offered 4 rooms

Show quote history

I think this has been one of the issues . If you search for accomodation for six, "the internet" will only offer you properties with 3 rooms and six beds.

OP posts:
titchy · 21/08/2022 15:02

You say that but if you look on, say, Booking.com it doesn't even give you the option to book 4 rooms for 6 people. You have to say there's 7 to be offered 4 rooms

Eh? No you don't. I've randomly put in Barcelona, 6 adults 4 rooms and loads come up.

What do I do about accomodation for this trip?
KosherDill · 21/08/2022 15:02

MuffinMcLayLikeABundleOfHay · 21/08/2022 14:54

*OK, but then would you organise the finance?

They've just been looking for the cheapest way to accommodate everyone. It's nothing to do with not considering anyone. I don't especially want to pay for a room alone either.*

It's not the cheapest though. It's the cheapest where some people are accommodated and some are not.

The cheapest would be one room and everyone is sharing. Or a hostel.

I'd deal with the finances by paying my equal share and sharing with the only other woman or by saying

'this three bedroom place doesn't have enough bedrooms if Susan and Geoff want to share'

it's them wanting to share a room that is causing the extra expense. Not you. There are three bedrooms and two women and four men. Susan and Geoff are causing the problem, not you.

Exactly. It's their insistence on being together that is making a 3-bed unworkable.

PuppyMonkey · 21/08/2022 15:03

Well if the married couple get to be all “eccentric” so can’t possibly be split up, I say you too should be all “eccentric” and you need your own room.Grin

chopc · 21/08/2022 15:05

Have you asked explicitly what the rooms share will be? You can't take it as a given that one of the men will want to share with you. I think you need to rethink accommodation to include a double, a triple and a single or get four rooms. As you said being a single person is expensive when it comes to trips so you might just need to suck up the additional cost (if you are paying per room)