Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How do you people respond to demands that are said rudely?

81 replies

curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 15:30

Just the other day, I was sitting at my desk in work and one of my bosses was also sitting at hers. She wanted to me to come over and sign a bit of paperwork, so she turned round to face my direction and said “come here, Susan”

I would have preferred her to say “Susan, would you mind coming over here please” rather than just demanding I come over.

I really felt like saying “oh, were you talking to me? You didn’t say please” but then there were others in the room and id actually feel like the rude one when really she should be the one feeling rude.

I also have a colleague who would say stuff like “put that in the bin for me” with no please or thanks and I just do it like I’m some sort of lapdog there at their beck and call.

Is there a more appropriate way to respond to such rudeness? Or should I just put up with it? Really don’t want to have to do that though. I wouldn’t dream of being so rude and if I was unintentionally rude, I’d correct myself .

OP posts:
WeAreTheHeroes · 16/08/2022 15:40

They probably just don't realise or think they are being assertive. In this day and age it feels to me that there's less of a hierarchy at work in terms of how people act together. If she'd said, "have you got a minute Susan?" that would have achieved the same without being a direct order.

Quirrelsotherface · 16/08/2022 15:40

I would have said 'come here'?? Am I a dog?! tinkly laugh

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 15:42

WeAreTheHeroes · 16/08/2022 15:40

They probably just don't realise or think they are being assertive. In this day and age it feels to me that there's less of a hierarchy at work in terms of how people act together. If she'd said, "have you got a minute Susan?" that would have achieved the same without being a direct order.

Yes would have been with “have you got a minute Susan”

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General relationships
Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 15:42

curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 15:42

Yes would have been with “have you got a minute Susan”

Show quote history

Would have been fine *

OP posts:
Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 15:46

Another one is the senior manager. She runs around like she’s the big I am, sometimes she’s friendly and will greet you, other times she’s not so friendly, it depends on her mood.

I walked past her and said a friendly hello to her and she just grunted something and walked on. I don’t even feel like saying hello to her again in future.

OP posts:
MyGirlDaisy · 16/08/2022 16:00

To both requests my answer would have been “if you say please I will” but I am of an age where I refuse to be spoken to rudely. Manners cost nothing, as my parents would say!

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 16:14

MyGirlDaisy · 16/08/2022 16:00

To both requests my answer would have been “if you say please I will” but I am of an age where I refuse to be spoken to rudely. Manners cost nothing, as my parents would say!

You are so right! I guess I kinda feel like I’d be manipulated into feeling I am rude and unprofessional for saying that kind of thing in response to their rudeness!

OP posts:
dudsville · 16/08/2022 16:18

Honestly that "come here Susan" would have totally caught me off guard, I haven't been spoken to like that in 50 years. I think I would have responded with "what's up, are you ok?", or expected the "come here" to be a "you gotta see this!" type thing.

girlmom21 · 16/08/2022 16:20

I'd probably say "please?"
Because I'm a dick and bad manners piss me off.

MomwasCasual · 16/08/2022 16:24

I'd say 'sorry?' or 'excuse me?'

Making people say it again, usually has the effect of making them rephrase, as it sounds so stark.

There is someone at my main place of work who is the manager of most of the people there- but not mine. Kills her Grin

skippy67 · 16/08/2022 16:26

I wouldn't have responded at all.

RedBonnet · 16/08/2022 16:45

I would have called her on it too, yes in front of everyone. Like pp I would have said 'excuse me?'

Used to work with an MDs PA who thought she was God's gift, soo rude. The 3rd time I held a door open for her without a smile/thanks/any acknowledgement, I let it close on her backside and said 'thank you' in a loud annoyed/sarcastic voice

But I do that in shops too. It's one of my pet hates.

purplemunkey · 16/08/2022 16:45

Yes, I think my response would have been 'sorry?' too. Makes them rethink what they just said without being too confrontational.

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 17:09

The thing I’d be worried about by saying “excuse me” or “sorry” is that would they even realise that you’re indirectly confronting them? Some might be so arrogant and just think that you couldn’t hear them or something

OP posts:
MadonnasKebab · 16/08/2022 17:13

I had posters slammed down on my desk and I was told ‘put these up’

I sat there with the posters for an hour and the person came over and said where’s the posters - I said on my desk where you threw them and demanded I put them up. I’ve been very busy and I haven’t had a chance. But if you’d asked politely I could have found time

they picked the posters up and scuttled away, mumbled sorry. Fucking test

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 17:22

MadonnasKebab · 16/08/2022 17:13

I had posters slammed down on my desk and I was told ‘put these up’

I sat there with the posters for an hour and the person came over and said where’s the posters - I said on my desk where you threw them and demanded I put them up. I’ve been very busy and I haven’t had a chance. But if you’d asked politely I could have found time

they picked the posters up and scuttled away, mumbled sorry. Fucking test

That really is rude and ignorant. How on earth do these people survive in daily life if they think being so rude is the norm?

I was brought up to have good manners and was taught to say please and thank you from a very young age!

OP posts:
blacksax · 16/08/2022 17:24

They are considerably senior to you, and to be honest, I think you are suffering from a case of insubordination and an attitude problem.

They are your bosses, they are perfectly within their rights to tell you to do something without having to say please.

MsFogi · 16/08/2022 17:25

I'd have said (quite slowly and extreeeemely politely) - "I'm awfully sorry [delightful person's name] I didn't catch what you said" and let them think about how they would like to repeat it.

ohfook · 16/08/2022 17:31

Erm I once said don't speak to me like that and I got the sack - so don't do that!

I sometimes just say please eg if boss says 'do X now' I might repeat 'do X now please' but it still feels a bit too much like talking to a child. It's weird like the person doing the bossing around started the rudeness but then I feel rude by highlighting it!

Eeiliethya · 16/08/2022 17:32

blacksax · 16/08/2022 17:24

They are considerably senior to you, and to be honest, I think you are suffering from a case of insubordination and an attitude problem.

They are your bosses, they are perfectly within their rights to tell you to do something without having to say please.

I'm a director and I wouldn't DREAM of speaking to people like this.

People in senior positions are only as good as the people reporting to them. I find it's easier and makes for a much more pleasant environment when my staff do things for me because they want to, rather than being "ordered".

Jesus wept.

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 17:33

blacksax · 16/08/2022 17:24

They are considerably senior to you, and to be honest, I think you are suffering from a case of insubordination and an attitude problem.

They are your bosses, they are perfectly within their rights to tell you to do something without having to say please.

Eh no they’re not 😂😂😂

OP posts:
iklboo · 16/08/2022 17:33

They are your bosses, they are perfectly within their rights to tell you to do something without having to say please.

No they bloody don't. This isn't Dickensian England. A boss can be just one level higher. There's no excuse for rudeness.

Insubordination? Please.

Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 17:34

@blacksax doesnt matter who senior you are to someone - you should always have good manners!! They aren’t exempt from being well mannered.

OP posts:
Original poster
curiousitygotthebetterofme · 16/08/2022 17:46

How *

OP posts:
Kite22 · 16/08/2022 18:07

I think I would automatically have said "Excuse me?" with a tone that made it quite clear they need to think about what they have said.
It doesn't matter what position you hold in any hierarchy, manner cost nothing.

The 2nd example is completely different.
If I'm focusing on something, I might not want to stop just to say 'hello' to someone who is passing, and that is nothing to do with hierarchy either, more to do with me - at that precise moment - trying to memorise a password or a number or the spelling of something.