How do you people respond to demands that are said rudely?

[curiousitygotthebetterofme]

Just the other day, I was sitting at my desk in work and one of my bosses was also sitting at hers. She wanted to me to come over and sign a bit of paperwork, so she turned round to face my direction and said “come here, Susan”

I would have preferred her to say “Susan, would you mind coming over here please” rather than just demanding I come over.

I really felt like saying “oh, were you talking to me? You didn’t say please” but then there were others in the room and id actually feel like the rude one when really she should be the one feeling rude.

I also have a colleague who would say stuff like “put that in the bin for me” with no please or thanks and I just do it like I’m some sort of lapdog there at their beck and call.

Is there a more appropriate way to respond to such rudeness? Or should I just put up with it? Really don’t want to have to do that though. I wouldn’t dream of being so rude and if I was unintentionally rude, I’d correct myself .

Good advice!

Treat them as you do children when you are them teaching good manners; “and what’s the magic word?”.

I do the "oh, I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" and just see if that makes them on the spot. Works will with the kids in school! Then if they repeated themselves in the same tone I'd put a "please?" at the end. That normally reminds them of their manners!

I’m exactly the same as you. There’s a lot I’ll tolerate, but not rudeness, and I don’t care how senior the person is.

If you're sending Outlook emails, make it clear it needs a response. Either add a flag to it so it flags in the recipient's mailbox, or flag it to give the recipient a reminder on a specific date.

Alternatively, make sure the title of the message is something like "Response Required: [Email subject]".

One off wouldn't bother me.

Regularly and I'd raise my eyebrows to show I'm unimpressed

I have a colleague who does that.
It is just annoying.
She thinks every one of her e-mails is some how more important than the other e-mails people receive.
Generally, they are not.

Like most people, I suspect, I get some annoying / unimportant circulars that go to all employees, but all of the e-mails I receive that are specifically addressed to me are important, and a very high % need a reply. As the person managing my workload though, I am the person who gets to decided which is most urgent, or which needs replying to first, not the person who sends me the e-mail.

I ignore those.

Not deliberately, or to be an arse, but I manage and prioritise my own workload and any response/ response time is based on that and that alone.

I wouldn't, as I wouldn't respond to someone barking orders at me and expecting me to just jump. Which is one really big reason why I didn't choose to join up. As the OP hasn't chosen to join up. So that isn't really relevant to this thread.

Though as an aside, I am working with 2 people at the moment (through some volunteering I am doing). Both ex-army, and both really struggle with interactions with other people, as they can't grasp that other people have their own minds. That the other people won't respond to being 'told' what to do and given no responsibility to think for themselves. That if you want people to do something with, or for you, there are ways to ask and bring the collective on board with your ideas. I wouldn't advise the army as a training ground for living civilian life (in my admittedly limited experience).

i think calling us "you people" isn't very well mannered.

everyone has a different definition of manners. Workplaces are so fraught, I'm not sure what I think of your examples. I might not even notice "come here Emma". The manager whose friendly level varies - that's just normal.

I read this in her voice

She really sounds like she is bad at managing people. She is clearly lacking skills in this department.

Not really sure what there is to criticise about my thread title?

There is quite a large number of users on this site @EmmaH2022 , meaning I am talking to everyone and not a specific group of people / one person etc.

quite irrelevant to what I am talking about

That’s what I thought too. She could do with going on a people skills and management course or something of the sort.

So you're allowed to question manners but others are not?

okay.

I never said that, did I?

Just pointing out that your criticism is a bit strange given that there isn’t anything wrong with my thread title.

You can hardly compare it to a rude manager in the office demanding I come over to her desk without saying please or thanks.

I'm a director and wouldn't dream of being so bloody ignorant. Everybody deserves to be spoken to with respect, no matter how junior.

In an old job the MD used to bellow my surname from the opposite end of the office to call me in to him. I used to saunter over to his office very slowly, past my entire team pissing themselves, and say politely, "You rang, M'lord?"

He was insufferable, I regularly walked in on his PA in tears because he'd been spiteful to her. You might drive a Ferrari and wear Prada jeans mate, but you're still a dick.

I'd add a please on the end. Regardless of your position you don't speak to someone like shit. I definitely do not tolerate being spoken to like shit.

I don't respond well to being spoken to like shit anymore. I don't say anything if it's a one-off as I understand people might be stressed or having awful days, but if I notice that a person is constantly talking to me in this way I'll say things like 'I will when you ask politely" or "It only takes a second to say please". I don't even care anymore. I deserve respect and politeness, as a human being.

Eh no they don’t, irrelevant of position we should all be treating each other with respect in the work place. Being more senior doesn’t give you the right to treat people like dogs. In fact being more senior you should lead by example and Install a culture of respect and good manners in the workplace.

^ this!

I wonder how long some of the posters on this thread would last in the military

That's irrelevant. OP isn't in the military and so shouldn't have orders barked at her. It's like saying how long someone with a phobia of blood would last as a surgeon.

Why? Will their hedge funds shrink if they say please and thank you? How on earth does it benefit them or anyone in their team for them to set a precedent of rude arrogance?

I guess I just made this thread because I don’t feel confident enough to throw a reasonable come back to someone with rudeness like that.

I would honestly feel like I was being rude and cheeky even though i wouldn’t have been.

Oh god we had a teacher who would get our attention by saying “you people”. She was bonkers. It does sound extremely rude whether or not that’s the intent. Well actually superior rather than rude.