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Original poster

I know this is so spiteful but here goes…

95 replies

Tryoj · 10/08/2022 13:11

I’ve had a shit few years. Work, heartbreak, abusive ex, abortion, single mum. It’s been hell. Meanwhile my siblings have happily got married and bought beautiful homes, friends have progressed etc

My life isn’t awful and I’m getting there now but would love to be on the other side for a change… will problems ever happen for these other people?! It’s not that I wish something awful on them but I just feel so left out and ostrichised sometimes. Like they don’t understand what it’s like to have challenges in any form. I know I sound horrible.

OP posts:
DorisWallis · 10/08/2022 13:13

Concentrate on you, you never know what's going on behind closed doors

ihatebojo · 10/08/2022 13:13

Will problems ever happen for these people

Just awful. You had my sympathy until then.

YABU

MrsSales · 10/08/2022 13:14

Comparison is the third of joy

you really have no idea what goes on behind their outward facing life

mibbelucieachwell · 10/08/2022 13:14

It's only natural to struggle with feelings of jealousy sometimes.

They probably don't realise how you feel. Try not to focus on the positives in your life and keep looking ahead.

Your family members probably have their own problems that you aren't aware of. Everyone does.

Well done for turning your own situation round.

MzHz · 10/08/2022 13:14

Wow! You’re wishing bad on others?

wish WELL for yourself and use their “luck” as proof that it IS possible and you have to work towards it

Original poster
Tryoj · 10/08/2022 13:15

I know it’s awful. And I know it makes me awful too.

i would never say it in real life I just sometimes feel so pitied by them all… it’s not easy.

OP posts:
TheLeadbetterLife · 10/08/2022 13:15

I'm so distracted by "ostrichised" that I can't focus on anything else.

It's so wrong, but it's so right. It's perfect.

Original poster
Tryoj · 10/08/2022 13:16

@MzHz thanks that’s a nice way of thinking about it

OP posts:
Anothernamechange3 · 10/08/2022 13:16

I might look like someone with no problems on the outside, but I’m actually going through a lot of stuff and my mental health isn’t good. You only see the outward stuff, please don’t assume you’re the only one struggling. It’s sounds like you’ve done really well to get through what you have and I’m glad you feel you’re getting somewhere now. Someone else might be looking at you enviously too.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 10/08/2022 13:16

You never know what's really going on in their lives
Concentrate on your own life and don't resent others.. it makes you bitter

WeAreTheHeroes · 10/08/2022 13:16

You don't know everything other people are going through and never will. We're all different. Whatever has happened to you, if you know you acted honourably/did the best you could/were truthful, etc then you have the moral high ground. The best thing for you now is to live well and hopefully put the tough times behind you.

Original poster
Tryoj · 10/08/2022 13:18

@uncomfortablydumb53 i sometimes feel consumed by bitterness. It’s not good I know. I had so many years of sarcasm and pity that it just ground me down even more.I guess it’s less that I wish bad on anyone and more that I wish people understood better.

OP posts:
HelloViroids · 10/08/2022 13:20

I’ve got a high earning job, a lovely husband and a gorgeous toddler. My life looks great from the outside. My mental health is on the floor and every day feels like a struggle to stay alive for them. You wouldn’t know that though.

novacaneforthepain · 10/08/2022 13:20

@Tryoj I understand what you are saying Flowers

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/08/2022 13:21

Other people don’t need to have bad things happen to them before you can have good things happen to you. There’s not some type of Luck Fairy flying around with a finite amount to dish out.

You say your life is improving; keep making the changes you can to keep it that way. Don’t wish ill on others. That they feel sorry for you isn’t a badness on their part, they’re expressing the only thing they can in the absence of actually being able to solve your problems for you.

WhyCantPeopleBeNice · 10/08/2022 13:22

I get this, I really do. I've had some horrific times and been so down I've wished others felt like I did so they could understand.

The problem with that is you can become bitter and it can consume you.

I can't say how I stopped feeling like this, other than I prioritised myself, my happiness and putting me first until I was at a stage i looked around and realised I was doing ok.
I looked at my BIL (millionare retired at 40) who was bitter his BIL was doing better than him...and I realised for some they are never satisfied and that they can't see the joy in their own lives.
I see some friends with very little but living for the moment and I know they've got life right. They are who I aspire to be like. Being able to pause and see the little bits of happiness because that's what gets you through.
Try and focus on what you do have, because it sounds like your a fighter, a survivor and that's something to be proud of

TeeBee · 10/08/2022 13:24

Look, forget about everyone else. They don't understand if they haven't faced hardship. You have and you are overcoming it. This will make you resilient, empowered and have empathy towards others going through the same. So while its hard, you will learn some very valuable lessons and skills that others will not have learnt. The human experience is not whole from just experiencing an easy life, its all the ups and downs that make us rounded and whole and mature. And like others have said, you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

Vapeyvapevape · 10/08/2022 13:26

Even if something awful happened to them , it wouldn't change your circumstances. So concentrate on yourself.
I have also had some horrendous times and those that haven't can't begin to understand how bad it's been for me. Do I wish bad on them , just so they know how it feels? Absolutely not.

perimenofertility · 10/08/2022 13:26

will problems ever happen for these other people?

Instead of focusing your negative thoughts on this, try wondering when your life will improve and look for ways to facilitate that.
If you're waiting for negative things to happen to others just so that they can understand then yes, you are spiteful and wallowing.

Rowen32 · 10/08/2022 13:29

I've felt like this sometimes but then when I think about it more there's no way in he'll I'd want my siblings to go through what I went through and I'm happy they haven't and I think given how life works they probably will have obstacles at some point in time and I don't think I'll be able to see them unhappy and I pray nothing happens them so maybe accept life isn't fair, it's not their fault you got the hard card and try to move on x

EarringsandLipstick · 10/08/2022 13:31

Even if something awful happened to them , it wouldn't change your circumstances. So concentrate on yourself.

This exactly.

I do understand your feelings though - when you have been through an unrelentingly hard time, it is understandable that you might feel bitter and in the moment, wish others could experience some hardship. It's unlikely you mean that in a specific way about an individual.

Not everyone will go through the same tough times, nor respond the same to what others would define as 'tough' times. I have had some very tough times. I then feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself when I think of a friend who has suffered a tragic bereavement, for example.

But in reality, it isn't about comparison. All we can do is work on our own struggles and challenges, and find ways to identify joyful moments for ourselves. Inner contentment, even when life is still hard, will bring happiness in its own way.

Somethingsnappy · 10/08/2022 13:31

ihatebojo · 10/08/2022 13:13

Will problems ever happen for these people

Just awful. You had my sympathy until then.

YABU

Oh for heaven's sake. OP doesn't have a magic wand that she's using to inflict ill on other people, she is human and wondering why her siblings have seemingly perfect lives.

onelittlefrog · 10/08/2022 13:32

It's better to focus on improving your own life/ outlook than wishing hardships on other people.

Even if they experienced some hardship, it doesn't mean they would understand you any better.

Focus on developing positive relationships and a better energy for yourself - don't worry about what others are doing.

xJoyfulCalmWisdomx · 10/08/2022 13:37

I know what you said could be interpreted badly but I know what you mean, it's hard to feel genuinely understood, and connect deeply to people for whom everything is relentlessly plain sailing.

I felt like this in my mid 30s. Not that I wished bad luck on anybody but I felt so different from my acquaintances, it was hard to relax in to a friendship.

If it's any consolation I think things level out over time. You get your self more and more sorted and feel less inadequate over time.

Also, I think when women's children are small they are all focused on the perfect family, house, toddlers...... then as the children age they seem more like people in their own right again, not the ambassador for The Perfect Family.

Go easy on yourself op. Don't berate yourself for finding it hard.

roarfeckingroarr · 10/08/2022 13:41

Surely focus on bringing yourself up not wishing others down

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