I know this is so spiteful but here goes…

[Tryoj]

I’ve had a shit few years. Work, heartbreak, abusive ex, abortion, single mum. It’s been hell. Meanwhile my siblings have happily got married and bought beautiful homes, friends have progressed etc

My life isn’t awful and I’m getting there now but would love to be on the other side for a change… will problems ever happen for these other people?! It’s not that I wish something awful on them but I just feel so left out and ostrichised sometimes. Like they don’t understand what it’s like to have challenges in any form. I know I sound horrible.

2 things. 1 don’t compare your inside to somebody else’s outside.

2 - remind yourself that even if they did have some bad luck, it wouldn’t make your bad luck any better or any easier to deal
with. And if these are people you care about, you’ll just feel bad for them and it will make you sad.

I know it’s hard when you’re in a bad place and others appear to be happy and content. When I feel that way I cut right down on my social media scrolling, take as little notice as possible of what others are doing and try and focus on what I can do to make myself feel better.

As others have said you have no idea what people are going through.

I have a good job, own a house and have some nice holidays but I had a pretty traumatic childhood, an eating disorder, struggled with infertility and IVF for 5 years, lost my dad during that time. Most of this was kept private and people had no idea.

You need to focus on your own life and goals

I'm sorry you've have a rough time of it but to waste your thoughts wishing problems and hardship on others is vile.

Several years ago I met up with some old friends, one of them sat there and said how lucky I was to have lived 'such a charmed life'. She literally had no idea what I had been through and was basing it on my 'nice' home and the fact o was married with children. I didn't bother to put her right, I just didn't see her again.

😂🤣😂😂

i get it. You feel like you’re sat on the outside looking in with a one way mirror.these are just feelings op, if something bad did happen to them you’d probably be really upset. You just don’t have someone on the same page to vent to, who actually gets how you feel. If tou have had this previously then it’s that support you are missing. Accept the feelings as temporary, and don’t define yourself by them- you already know it’s not ok. your life is getting back on track and this will pass. Good luck

OP, I get where you are coming from. The truth is some people do have harder lives than others and yes it’s not fair but it is what it is.

In my experience, even people with happy and (apparently) charmed lives have their share of troubles at some point.

The worst bit about having a tough time, or entire life, is that others struggle to empathise with your reality. Whenever I’ve faced awful times I have tried to think of people who have faced worse. It makes me see what I do have.

OP, I’d suggest focusing on what you can do to improve your situation. It is only wasted energy to compare yourself to others who have an easier life.

I know what you mean OP

I have had similar circumstances past few years and wonder when it will be my turn for my luck to change. I then realised perhaps some people who are 'lucky' on paper are not as happy in their circumstances as they seem. Also I reflected on things - has being in a relationship made me any happier than I currently am? No. Has living in a fancier house / flat in a nice area made me any happier inside? No. Has driving a better car made me any more content in the long run? No. So much of the external that you see is in no way correlated with the reality.

The only way and I am starting to fully realise this is to be content with what you have in the current moment - even be thankful for the pain and the anger. It taught you valuable lessons that being content or happy never could. Pain is there as a warning shock to teach many lessons. And you will have the benefit of that going forward.

Perhaps these people are yet to expierence pain like you have or they never will - you never know what is around the corner.

When I now speak to friends and family I am now different - I listen, empathise in a way I never before and I am much more accepting. I also have no tolerance in the slightest with bullshit from people - both in dating and in friendships and it starting to see much healthier dynamics unravelling with far healthier people.

I try not to compare with others as in my job I seen plenty of people whose life seems amazing on the outside when inside they are barely surviving

About eight years ago my life (which tbh hadn’t been great anyway!) went majorly tits up. I lost my job (my career had been the only thing that had been going reasonably well) and I ended up working for a home care agency. It was awful, really low moments. Up at 6 on Sundays, home at 11, up the next day, work on Christmas … horrible.

I had no family. Few friends. And so lonely. I gained weight - life was a mess.

At the time one of my friends had just moved to a lovely home, had a beautiful baby girl and just seemed to be leading a charmed life. I was horribly jealous and probably quite bitter.

Life is strange though and mine came together again slowly. Then I met someone, got a beautiful home, had a baby. Meanwhile, and I don’t wish it on her, but my friends life has gone a bit difficult - not in any major way but work problems and so on.

It is hard and hanging in there is so so tough. But you’ll come through it. Promise.

Many people experience difficult circumstances OP. Sometimes (some years!) life feels like it is just drifting from one disaster to another with no pause to catch a breath in between. Sometimes public image is everything. By this I mean we socially learn to 'be positive all the time because no one likes a moaner' in doing so we down play our real feelings, worries & struggles.

I fiercely keep myself to myself only my inner circle would know my sadist /hardest of times. To the rest of the world whenever asked, 'I'm fine thank you'

And while it’s true some people appear to have happy lives but don’t, some people just really are happy.

You need to deal with your bitterness - it’s a very unattractive quality, and once those around you “clock” that you’re bitter, they may start keeping their distance.

As for wondering if things will go wrong in the lives of your siblings and friends: nobody has a crystal ball FGS, and what a nasty thing to speculate about.

Of course you're not awful OP .You're just putting into words an idle thought ,you're wondering not wishing . MN is a place for posters to vent ,IDKW people are having a go at you .Maybe it's the heat

Hang on in there ,give yourself a pat on the back for coming through horrible times .You should be trying to feel proud of yourself ,not calling yourself horrible .
Have a and some cake] .Onwards and upwards .

Also OP and I mean this in the kindest possible way - I had a very bitter friend who messaged me once

'Another perfect couple getting married - I cannot wait until they end up divorced'.

Her bitterness had been projected on me for months / years - (not clear where that came from as she was getting married and all seemed well)

I never spoke to her again after that. It is a very unattractive quality so try to reign in those thoughts as bitterness can multiply

I hear you OP

my four best mates are millionaires in happy marriages with beautiful houses, deluxe holidays galore etc.
They all have their own struggles with mentally ill teens, problems at work etc.

I agree with others it can be easy to find oneself in a woe is me position but then better to be grateful for all the many things you have that billions of poor sods around the world would think of as endless riches/luxuries etc.

My own way of reminding myself to look on the bright side is to think of friends who were robbed of their lives far too young. Suddenly perspective is gained.

There's little benefit in looking at others and wishing they knew the struggles you face.

OP, from your first post I got the feeling that rather than wishing ill on people you just wanted them to understand, even a little ( as you said in a later post). You don't sound awful, just human. Sarcasm from others certainly isn't helpful. Can't really comment on the pity as this can come from a good or bad place.
It is soul destroying to compare you to them though but it's an easy one to slip into. Try to just focus on looking after yourself and doing what you enjoy rather than dwelling on their lives.

Comparison is the thief joy, there’s plenty worse off than you Yada yada yada.

You know what? Life’s a bit shit right now. I just wish I could have a good moan sometimes, and have people say ‘bloody hell, I had no idea you were coping with so much. No wonder you’re a bit frazzled, it’s astounding you’re even upright!’ And yet mostly what I get is ‘pah, everyone has stuff going on. You’re being precious’. On the whole, I try not to go on about it. I’d also quite like to meet people like me, but I’ve been knocked sideways by so many of the universes interesting times, I don’t think there can be many.

I mean I know it’s bloody amazing I’m still on my feet. But it’s nice to feel your astonishing superhuman endurance is at least noticed once in a while but those who are not facing the same challenges.

My brother was in a similar situation to you 3 years ago. Wife left him with the 3 small kids, dog and 2 cats, and has barely seen the kids since and not contributed a penny, my parents and I did as much as we could (and still do) with childcare and he held down his job, he was suicidal to start with and crushingly lonely. 3 years on his kids are thriving, they are so close due to all the time and love he's poured into them and he's met an amazing woman with 3 kids of her own who get on really well with his kids.. he's really happy!! Life can and does change both for the better and worse all we can do is try to get stronger from the hard times, hang in there!

I was 39 and childless and boyfriendless. Then I found a wonderful successful man, got married had two kids. A friend (who had married young, had a kid and was with a new partner so no need to be jealous) said 'well you've landed on your feet' in a not very generous tone.
Five years later my beloved father died and then a couple months later I became a widow having to sell up as no way could I afford our house, and had two small kids to bring up on my own - I don't think my friend was rubbing her hands with glee though. Be careful what you wish for.

I get it OP . You say sarcasm and pity, are your siblings being unkind or is it more your internal feelings and interpretation? If the first then maybe you need to spend less time with them, step away and give yourself a chance to focus on your life and what you have rather than what you are missing.

I know people who have lovely lives but I never feel pitied or that my life isn't understood by them. There are others who aren't so empathic and I've just gradually reduced contact with (to nothing). And some people who I have to have contact with but who make me feel rubbish so I minimise it and try and go easy on myself.

Oh @Tryoj I know exactly where you're coming from. I don't wish ill on my friends and family, but I'm sick of me having all the shit all time.
And yes maybe they cover it up and are actually as unhappy as me, but I doubt it.

A quote that I love is

'Being bitter is drinking poison but expecting the other person to die.'

I TOTALLY get the feelings of resentment and confess to having them myself when I have gone through bad patches.

Life changes, and it changes quickly.

Focus on yourself because none of us know what is around the corner and that includes the friends around us with seemingly perfect lives.

Maybe you are their biggest problem?

Why would you say something like that, @WrongWayApricot ?

I mean, is it meant to be funny, or just spiteful?

Looks like you got what you deserved judging by your post.