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Original poster

What would you do - colleague spreading unfounded rumour

90 replies

Namenty · 08/08/2022 23:22

I was told two weeks ago that a colleague started a rumour that I am having an affair with a married colleague, I’m single.

I can categorically state I am not, and never have, had an affair with this man (or anything else with this man).

When it came to my attention (another colleague was kind enough to tell me) I went to her manager and said what I had heard and that it was completely untrue and she needed to stop. Her manager said she would speak with her.

A new employee started two days ago. TWO DAYS and today said to me that she had been told the same thing by this colleague, again that I am having an affair with this man. Apparently shared in the coffee room at lunch time.

Part of me (the sensible part who would like to remain employed) wants to escalate to her manager again,

The other part (raised in a very rough household and estate which I dragged up myself up from) wants to wait until we are alone and explain to her very clearly why I’m not the one to be fucked with 😡

It doesn’t feel like bullying so I’m not going to claim that but this bitch is now messing with my career and I’m done.

Thoughts?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Namenty · 08/08/2022 23:25

I mean if I was to go option 2, it’s her word against mine. No proof I told her to fuck herself is there.

I need to do the whole manager/HR thing don’t I

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 08/08/2022 23:25

OP "explain to her very clearly why I’m not the one to be fucked with 😡"

don't lose your job over it.

talk to the manager, talk to HR etc. ask for a meeting with them and her and a witness, ideally the new lady who was told this most recently.

maddy68 · 08/08/2022 23:26

Report to HR. But I would also have to confront this. Head on

I left my workplace a couple of weeks ago and I left immediately. The rumours are I have been sacked and these reasons range from shagging the boss to incompetence.

I actually don't care because I am not working there but if it was I would have to declare my innocence and call out the gossips

Original poster
Namenty · 08/08/2022 23:30

The problem is the more you say you aren’t the more it sounds like you’re lying! No smoke without fire bullshit

Im tempted to stand on a fucking table in the canteen and announce loudly to anyone who will listen that I don’t shag married men (and actually no men for the last 9 months)!

OP posts:
OneFootintheRave · 08/08/2022 23:42

I would report in writing to HR again with your boss copied in, asking them what they plan to do.

You sound pretty confident so your next move could be to wait until the gossip and several others are all in the same place. Then announce loudly, calmly and clearly that you have heard she is spreading untruths and can she clarify.

AlexandriasWindmill · 08/08/2022 23:52

Tbh I don't understand why you're so bothered. Some workplaces are gossipy. You know it's not true and people are telling you sbout it so presumably they don't think it's true. Or else they're deliberately trying to cause trouble.
Don't 'confront' her.
Send an email to HR and her manager and ask for their advice /procedures on how to resolve it since you obviously want to keep escalating it.

EmmaH2022 · 09/08/2022 00:02

AlexandriasWindmill · 08/08/2022 23:52

Tbh I don't understand why you're so bothered. Some workplaces are gossipy. You know it's not true and people are telling you sbout it so presumably they don't think it's true. Or else they're deliberately trying to cause trouble.
Don't 'confront' her.
Send an email to HR and her manager and ask for their advice /procedures on how to resolve it since you obviously want to keep escalating it.

Maybe I should be on gransnet, I'm too old for this.

professional reputation. That's why I don't want people talking shit about me. It might impact all sorts of things.

BigBunkers · 09/08/2022 06:18

Have you seen the spreader since the rumour started? How is she behaving towards you?

I would definitely report again but I genuinely would corner her and say you know what’s she saying about you and it needs to stop. You don’t need to be intimidating and angry, deathly calm works well in this scenario.

I’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of thing before and in the end I lost my rag with the person. It was on a night out so not in the middle of the office but I raised my voice and loudly told them to knock it off. It wasn’t true, it’d never been true and I had a boyfriend i was very happy with and had been for years!

MRex · 09/08/2022 06:29

Write to HR and tell them that you consider these lies to be a strange form of bullying. Just let them deal with it.

MRex · 09/08/2022 06:30

Out of interest, how does the married man feel about it? Have you informed him?

chocolateorangeinhaler · 09/08/2022 06:30

Send an email to your boss, her boss and HR stating what you now know and do nothing else. State in the email that it's causing you distress and stress and wish it to be dealt with by way of a formal procedure.
Say absolutely nothing to her during work. These people like to push buttons and are looking or a reaction that they can then complain about that will bring more drama to your door.
It will show you to be professional and her to be ignoring previous instructions from her manager. Win win for you.
However much you want to punch her lights out, don't.

carefullycourageous · 09/08/2022 06:49

I would raise it as harassment/bullying, more formally.

HannahSternDefoe · 09/08/2022 06:56

Thing is, she's not just lying about you - she's lying about your married male colleague too.
Imagine the shit he'd be in at home if his wife heard the same?!
@chocolateorangeinhaler has given you good advice. I'd follow that path initially...if it doesn't work, a public bollocking might be in order.

figmaofmyimagination · 09/08/2022 07:00

Formal complaint this morning. Throw the book at the bitch but keep the moral and professional high ground.

Does the man know?

BruceAndNosh · 09/08/2022 07:05

Is there any chance that the married man has told gossiper about the mythical affair?

mrsbitaly · 09/08/2022 07:09

That is absolutely awful not only for you but does she realise she could cause the end of a marriage with her false rumours? I wonder why she is saying it does she not like you? Do you think in fact she likes him?

I would absolutely go to HR and say its a serious allegation and she's continuing with these awful lies that can have big consequences. The chat already had has clearly not helped.

Original poster
Namenty · 09/08/2022 07:10

BruceAndNosh · 09/08/2022 07:05

Is there any chance that the married man has told gossiper about the mythical affair?

Christ no - he’s the most strait laced man you’ve ever met, not his game at all

He made the awful mistake of giving me a lift to work once when my car was broken down, she saw us in the car park - put 2+2 together and came up with 263

OP posts:
SnoozyLucy7 · 09/08/2022 07:13

Definitely formal complaint to HR, and to the managers. This is slander, which I don’t think is a criminal offence, but which you could eventually take some sort of legal action against her, if push came to shove.

Stand your ground against this bully idiot. What she has done is seriously bad and she should not allowed to get away with it.

Soontobe60 · 09/08/2022 07:16

As radical as it may seem, why don’t you just go and speak to this person?
’hi gossip girl, I just wondered where you e been getting your incorrect info about my sex life from?’

WeAreTheHeroes · 09/08/2022 07:18

HR/her manager need to deal with this. Did the new starter she told you were having an affair with your colleague believe her or just think she was a gossip? The fact they've told you suggests they thought it was a bizarre thing to tell them.

icelollycraving · 09/08/2022 07:20

I’d tell the man involved. Do you and he have the same line manager?
I think she may have fancied the man and thinks you have succeeded where she (in her head) failed. God knows.
You definitely need to raise this formally because as tempting as setting her straight yourself is, it’ll add fuel to the fire. If by seeing you in a car has started these rumours, you becoming, let’s say assertive, could end up with you in a worse situation.

Hopeandlove · 09/08/2022 07:21

maddy68 · 08/08/2022 23:26

Report to HR. But I would also have to confront this. Head on

I left my workplace a couple of weeks ago and I left immediately. The rumours are I have been sacked and these reasons range from shagging the boss to incompetence.

I actually don't care because I am not working there but if it was I would have to declare my innocence and call out the gossips

Paper trail.

like you have but list what had already happened

eg x was telling people I was having an affair with y. I am not and haven’t and it is causing me distress and upset and embarrassment you said you would have a word with her.

new colleague started on Monday and had told me yesterday on … of august that she was told by x the above bit about the affair.

I am now formally complaining and putting in a formal grievance against x she is destroying and has destroyed my reputation for no good reason and has caused the workplace to verge on untenable for me.

Yours

Scepticalwotsits · 09/08/2022 07:22

email straight to HR cc manager in. This will damage your professional reputation.

do not directly confront the person as they will be able to spin it into something that it’s not.

if however you do confront said person make sure there are ample witnesses so they cannot create their own narrative

littlemiss93 · 09/08/2022 07:26

Make a formal complaint in writing and if possible also get the guy in question to do the same to add further weight to it. It is a form of bullying and needs to stop. But do have a quite word with this nasty cow and let her know she's messing with the wrong person 😉

SunshineAndFizz · 09/08/2022 07:26

Formal complaint to HR copying your manager in. Document everything in the email.

No messing.

It'll show people there's no truth to the rumour either.