What would you do - colleague spreading unfounded rumour

[Namenty]

I was told two weeks ago that a colleague started a rumour that I am having an affair with a married colleague, I’m single.

I can categorically state I am not, and never have, had an affair with this man (or anything else with this man).

When it came to my attention (another colleague was kind enough to tell me) I went to her manager and said what I had heard and that it was completely untrue and she needed to stop. Her manager said she would speak with her.

A new employee started two days ago. TWO DAYS and today said to me that she had been told the same thing by this colleague, again that I am having an affair with this man. Apparently shared in the coffee room at lunch time.

Part of me (the sensible part who would like to remain employed) wants to escalate to her manager again,

The other part (raised in a very rough household and estate which I dragged up myself up from) wants to wait until we are alone and explain to her very clearly why I’m not the one to be fucked with 😡

It doesn’t feel like bullying so I’m not going to claim that but this bitch is now messing with my career and I’m done.

Thoughts?!

Go to HR, let the colleague know as well that this unfounded rumour has been spread, if he is unaware.

Things said in coffee rooms, lunch breaks and outside the office are all within the scope of any standards of behaviour in the workplace.

Go to HR

If someone at work is discussing your sex life with other colleagues which is what they are doing if they are spreading rumours about you having an affair, then it is sexual harassment.

@Glitteratitar ”I know so very well how upsetting and stressful this is, but all you can do is ignore it. Speak to HR if you’re concerned as it is harassment and bullying, but when someone is jealous of you enough that they have to start lies, it doesn’t end”
It can end, if HR do their job properly and the gossip is disciplined, and realises she could lose her job.

That’s the key part - if HR do their job properly. Where I worked, HR were crap and only cared about protecting the company. That’s the case in many work places unfortunately.

I think Hopenadlove’s message is bang on, but I’d also be asking HR/management what they plan on doing given she’s carried on. Have they even spoken to her yet?

HRs job is to protect the company, that’s their primary function. However what this means is if they feel they might have a case on their hands they should recognise it and make sure the deal with it properly to head off any potential lawsuits down the line

You can't 'prove' a negative. OP can't prove she isn't having an affair. All she's doing is giving unfounded gossip more credence than it deserves. Going to HR; cornering the person she thinks is responsible - none of that is going to stop colleagues chatting. Which story her colleagues believe will depend on their opinions of OP, the married man and how the story started. Not on what HR says.

This isn't about the rumour itself. This colleague of OP's is deliberately spreading a damaging rumour about OP to sully her reputation. That is not on. It needs to be nipped in the bud.

That’s the key part - if HR do their job properly. Where I worked, HR were crap and only cared about protecting the company. That’s the case in many work places unfortunately.

Well yes that's absolutely their job and that job includes avoiding lawsuits.

And they have a legal duty of care to staff which means that if they don't deal with reported cases of bullying / harassment the company is required to follow process to protect the wellbeing of the staff member who is a victim of that bullying / harassment.

Nobody is saying HR will do it to be nice, but a good HR dept protects the company from lawsuits by addressing issues like this.

I think this is sufficient to raise a grievance at work to HR and copy your line manager in
This person is bullying you and causing a hostile workplace as other colleagues have approached you to state the person is so ready false rumours about your personal life of an affair with a Co worker . Tar your manager has dealt with it informally at your request to ask that it stops but the person has allegedly continued - so it needs to be dealt with formally by grievance procedures- be factual with evidence. This person is damaging your career and reputation by making unpleasant false statements about you personally

Don't confront the person as you need your behaviour to be professional & above approach on this matter

This is terrible advice
Don't do this. I don't know what place of work *Itsgettingweird works at but It's not a good look, unprofessional and muddies the water as later it could be alleged that you started the rumour yourself. I'd be very uncomfortable if I was a coworker sat at that table

I would confront her head on.

Politely but assertively.

"It's came to my attention that you've been telling people I'm having an affair with X. What makes you think that?"

Followed up by

"I can assure you I'm not so I would appreciate it if you would keep your vile nasty theories to yourself"

If she denies it (I'd say there is a good chance she will - don't engage in the debate). Just go with the script above.

I wouldn't do anything except this. If you publically announce your not you may just bring it to the attention of 50% of the office who may not have heard the rumour.

I really hate this sort of thing. It's nasty, damaging and often based on nothing more than a couple of colleagues getting on well or going out for lunch together. I always ignore gossip like this and never pass it on.

I'm sure most people know there's nothing in it. Maybe just start making a joke about the 'rumours' and make her look like the silly, spiteful person she is. Defending yourself seems to make her believe there really is something in it.

My old boss was thought to be sleeping with one of my team. Everyone suspected it. Another one in my team did confront him (she was promoted way above her experience and skill set, got a massive bonus, etc etc and she was at the end of her tether at having to handhold
and fix mistakes). She was on a contract, which - shock - wasn’t renewed.

Of course they were. I found out by accident that it was true. HR knew it too. And after a work even when people brought their partners (and he brought his wife) we all knew (he was pretty horrible to his wife - and lovely to the ‘gf’ - and yelled at her when she called the ‘girlfriend’ by the wrong name).

If you do confront her , don't do it on work property or time.