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Original poster

What would you do - colleague spreading unfounded rumour

90 replies

Namenty · 08/08/2022 23:22

I was told two weeks ago that a colleague started a rumour that I am having an affair with a married colleague, I’m single.

I can categorically state I am not, and never have, had an affair with this man (or anything else with this man).

When it came to my attention (another colleague was kind enough to tell me) I went to her manager and said what I had heard and that it was completely untrue and she needed to stop. Her manager said she would speak with her.

A new employee started two days ago. TWO DAYS and today said to me that she had been told the same thing by this colleague, again that I am having an affair with this man. Apparently shared in the coffee room at lunch time.

Part of me (the sensible part who would like to remain employed) wants to escalate to her manager again,

The other part (raised in a very rough household and estate which I dragged up myself up from) wants to wait until we are alone and explain to her very clearly why I’m not the one to be fucked with 😡

It doesn’t feel like bullying so I’m not going to claim that but this bitch is now messing with my career and I’m done.

Thoughts?!

OP posts:
RedBonnet · 09/08/2022 07:32

I would confront her in a professional manner in front of as many colleagues as I could. I'd wait until she and lots of others were in a room together (preferably with the married man and at least one of the witnesses) and say loudly 'Jane, have you been telling people blah blah blah). What happens next is unimportant. You have brought it into the open and she won't do it again.

Cervinia · 09/08/2022 07:36

Yes do it the right way, to the letter and by the book.

Cosycover · 09/08/2022 07:37

I would ask her infront of a crowd. But I'm a bitch and wouldn't be able to resist.

itsgettingweird · 09/08/2022 07:41

Could you do option 3.

When having coffee with a group of staff say something like "any gossip?".

And when no one comes forward say "not even that apparently I'm shagging a married colleague? None of you heard that?"

Then make it quite clear it is untrue and you will report every single person that even passes on the rumour even if they didn't start it.

YukoandHiro · 09/08/2022 07:41

Report again to HR, but report it as both bullying and professional slander. Say you expect her to face a formal disciplinary over it

custardbear · 09/08/2022 07:41

EmmaH2022 · 08/08/2022 23:25

OP "explain to her very clearly why I’m not the one to be fucked with 😡"

don't lose your job over it.

talk to the manager, talk to HR etc. ask for a meeting with them and her and a witness, ideally the new lady who was told this most recently.

This!
Get her into trouble, not yourself - she needs to stop and be told in no uncertain terms from above

LumpyandBumps · 09/08/2022 07:42

I don’t think you should do either of these but it would be satisfying to spread one or other of these rumours

  1. She is gossiping about you to cover up her own affair ( not with same man)
  2. You deliberately let her see you with another another man as you are actually having an affair with the gossip’s own husband.

Do you and thus colleague have a history of not getting along. It seems strange that she would continue with this. Does she gossip about other people too?

Amandasummers · 09/08/2022 07:47

I'd want it formally documented in as much detail as possible for only myself but for the marriage that will potentially be affected by this. His poor wife. Once the seed of doubt is planted everything will change for her.

namechangedembarrassing · 09/08/2022 07:47

Yep. Tell your manager and HR today I’m writing you want this to now be a formal/official complaint on record (telling a new starter this is crazy) and make it clear how you don’t want this to be taken lightly and you want to know something offices is being done about it.
you also don’t have to justify to them or anyone how he once gave you a lift.

my work actually has an anti gossiping policy you would get into a lot of trouble where I work for doing this

GratefulMe · 09/08/2022 07:48

You collegaue of tow day came and told you what the office gossip is about you?

I had a similar situation a few years ago. No one said anything to my face though!

It's best ignored IMO.

GratefulMe · 09/08/2022 07:52

GratefulMe · 09/08/2022 07:48

You collegaue of tow day came and told you what the office gossip is about you?

I had a similar situation a few years ago. No one said anything to my face though!

It's best ignored IMO.

OMG typos! But does no one else find it highly unlikely that a brand new colleague is talking to OP about rumours that are circulating about her?

TommySaid · 09/08/2022 08:02

Raise it with the manager again and speak to her face to face.

I’m surprised you haven’t told her to stop spreading rumours already I would have done that straight away.

Whitehorsegirl · 09/08/2022 08:16

Make a written complaint to HR and state that you have now been approached by several employees that state they have been told malicious and defamatory stories about you. Keep it factual, list the name of people who have approached you and when. State that you believe this person is trying to cause you harm, affect your reputation in the office and compromise your ability to do your job and that you consider this to be bullying.

If you can discuss the situation with the man who is also named in these stories and suggest he also puts in a similar complain.

Basically be really professional and factual about this but show them you are not going to put up with it. Copy your manager into your email.

I personally would expect the other person to lose their job over it. Speaking to them directly is not wise as they will just use it against you and no one that stupid/twisted can be reasoned with.

wellhelloitsme · 09/08/2022 08:18

Whitehorsegirl · 09/08/2022 08:16

Make a written complaint to HR and state that you have now been approached by several employees that state they have been told malicious and defamatory stories about you. Keep it factual, list the name of people who have approached you and when. State that you believe this person is trying to cause you harm, affect your reputation in the office and compromise your ability to do your job and that you consider this to be bullying.

If you can discuss the situation with the man who is also named in these stories and suggest he also puts in a similar complain.

Basically be really professional and factual about this but show them you are not going to put up with it. Copy your manager into your email.

I personally would expect the other person to lose their job over it. Speaking to them directly is not wise as they will just use it against you and no one that stupid/twisted can be reasoned with.

Great post.

Glitteratitar · 09/08/2022 08:24

I’ve been in this situation in many times in a workplace. At some point someone lost his job because he had an affair (it was a Christian organisation) and the rumour mill claimed it was wihj me because I was friendly with him, as I was with everyone.

I know so very well how upsetting and stressful this is, but all you can do is ignore it. Speak to HR if you’re concerned as it is harassment and bullying, but when someone is jealous of you enough that they have to start lies, it doesn’t end.

MineIsBetterThanYours · 09/08/2022 08:29

What does married says or knows about it?

Im wondering if approaching HR together wouldn’t help too.

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/08/2022 08:31

Report to your live manger and HR

LondonQueen · 09/08/2022 08:34

Personally I would confront her and tell her I'm not one to be fucked with, but in terms of job security it's probably best to report to HR.

Softplayhooray · 09/08/2022 08:35

I've literally had this happen when I was much younger and worked in a clothes shop - there were about 10 of us and we all gossiped a lot but we were good mates. I waited until we were all in the break room and then asked everyone if they had heard the rumor, then told the person spreading it, why did you say this stuff when you know it wasn't true? I wasn't shouting, I was calm and the person totally freaked out, was so embarrassed, apologies profusely, etc, and because it was all said in the open there was zero to take about again. I would 100% recommend this route alongside placing a formal complaint to HR.

DorisWallis · 09/08/2022 08:38

Keep it professional and formal as much as you want to kick her head in
It shows you in a better light
It's a really spiteful thing to do, they are out to cause trouble and distress

KatherineJaneway · 09/08/2022 08:41

Don't confront her, she'll play the victim then say you are bullying her.

Make a formal complaint to HR copying in your manager. Only state the facts and that you want to formally raise a grievance against her. This way you keep it professional but deliver her a heavy blow.

KatherineJaneway · 09/08/2022 08:42

Tbh I don't understand why you're so bothered.

Professional reputation. Clearly doesn't matter to you, but it does to others.

AlexandriasWindmill · 09/08/2022 08:46

It seems the married man isn't reacting to the 'gossip'. Unlike OP who is cornering new staff about it.

You can't 'prove' a negative. OP can't prove she isn't having an affair. All she's doing is giving unfounded gossip more credence than it deserves. Going to HR; cornering the person she thinks is responsible - none of that is going to stop colleagues chatting. Which story her colleagues believe will depend on their opinions of OP, the married man and how the story started. Not on what HR says.

Workinghardeveryday · 09/08/2022 09:03

This happened to me years ago.

i worked for an international huge company. My immediate manager and I were friends. She told me that when she attended the senior management Christmas party, one of the very senior managers told everyone he had slept with me a few years earlier.

I was fuming. I was married and dd would have been about 3 when this was meant to have happened.

because of his position my hand were tied, I couldn’t do anything. If I had gone to HR because of his position they would have found a way of getting rid of me.

to this day no one but my manager has mentioned it, but all those managers think I am easy.

GratefulMe · 09/08/2022 09:04

Yes, this is my view. Colleagues aren't stupid, if there's nothing to see, they'll think gossip spreader is mad. If you keep talking challenging people about it, you look like you're enjoying it a bit too much IMO.

Going to HR will really not make you look any better, what exactly are they supposed to do? Colleague said you got out of MM's car in the morning, which is true.

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