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Original poster

3rd child age gap (1 & 2 less than 2 years apart, then 4 year gap) is it good?

82 replies

Mum2HC · 08/08/2022 09:29

Hello

I have a 3 and 5 year old, we have been going around in circles for a year about having a 3rd.
i am just 33, husband just 35. We have a great life, v v lucky financially, have space both self employed and v flexible jobs. We all get on great, obviously with the usually family life arguments and stresses thrown in.

why can we not commit to having a 3rd? We are worried it will mess everything we have up, but both imagine the larger family in the future. We are both 1 of 3.

i love the idea of having 1 to 1 baby time while both the others are at school/pre school. I had them both at home full time for the first year of second child’s life so this feels different!
Is a 4 year and 6 year age gap hard work as they get older? 18, 16 & 12 seems v different to 6, 4 and baby!

Would love to hear your views.

Can’t decide if we regret not going for it more than making everything harder!!

OP posts:
vroom321 · 08/08/2022 09:35

My two are 2 years apart. Me and My siblings are 4 years apart. I think mine are just too close in age. Drives me mad.

Arucanafeather · 08/08/2022 09:49

We’ve got similar. First two have a 2 year age gap and then our second child had just started reception when our third was born. I’ve loved it. There is some compromise now we’ve got two teens and one under 10 still but it’s been fabulous. I really got to enjoy the baby stage one last time and the kids all get on well with each other.

Original poster
Mum2HC · 08/08/2022 09:53

Arucanafeather · 08/08/2022 09:49

We’ve got similar. First two have a 2 year age gap and then our second child had just started reception when our third was born. I’ve loved it. There is some compromise now we’ve got two teens and one under 10 still but it’s been fabulous. I really got to enjoy the baby stage one last time and the kids all get on well with each other.

Ah this is what I dream of!!
What do you feel the older two have missed out off if anything? Does 3 in school cause chaos to the after school clubs etc?

Is one always ill?! This is my main other concern as hate when they get ill!

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Families
Dalaidramailama · 08/08/2022 09:57

I had my first at 21, second at 23 and third at 26. Worked out well but I’m 34 now and wouldn’t do it at this age.

Arucanafeather · 08/08/2022 10:22

My life is spent dropping kids off here there & everywhere after school to their clubs etc. it’s not so much that the older two miss out but that you can’t move onto the next stage of life… so holidays, days out need to accommodate younger one too. The youngest just became used to coming along to what the older two wanted to do (she’s slept through many a cinema trip in her buggy, saw Jaws years before I would have let the older two). She doesn’t mind though and in fact she found starting school so much easier as she has skills being the youngest of 3! She has been poorly a lot with mild bugs but the older two rarely get anything now.

Yasmini · 08/08/2022 10:36

My first two have a less than two year age gap then my third came with a nearly 5 year gap.

Whilst I adore the third, I actually found it really hard to go back to the baby stage. I think I just saw it all through rose-tinted glasses and the reality was different.

I was told third babies are easy and have to go with the flow. Mine did not. Rules the roost.

I am finding it hard for family activities that can involve us all. There is too much of an age gap and I should of gotten a wriggle on and had my third earlier!

That being said, we all love the third, and I love watching them all interact.

Original poster
Mum2HC · 08/08/2022 11:10

Ah it feels such a tough decision!!

My 2 are getting so similar in terms of capabilities etc and schedule is still the same. We are looking forward to more active lifestyles and holidays again, skiing etc.
But I guess the question is if we are willing to sacrifice that for a 3rd child and the extra love that will bring to our family. I just don’t know what to do!!!

OP posts:
Numbersarefun · 08/08/2022 11:19

I have 18 months between my 1st 2 and then just over 4 years until the youngest. For us it worked brilliantly, they all got on well with each other (although at some points a pair was better). Now they are all in their 20s and often meet up. I found my youngest the easiest (maybe having extra ‘help’), but only had 5 months maternity leave for all of them. I enjoyed the school run for half a term!

Pinkbananas01 · 08/08/2022 11:31

I had my daughter 2 days before her brothers started 1/2 days at nursery (3) & school (5). I found it perfect, lovely mornings with baby, when she napped in afternoon could spend time with 3yr old. After school oldest loved helping with his sister & playing with wee brother - he practised he reading telling them stories. They are all teens now but still very close.
Having the routine of nursery & school runs meant she fell naturally into a routine much earlier than her brother did. Tbh I found it easier with them all close in ages but then I'm oldest in a big family so perhaps that was just natural to me! Mum had 4 under 5s & we loved it, she still says it was easy cos we just played together & she didn't need to rush to entertain us a lot.

Original poster
Mum2HC · 08/08/2022 11:34

Numbersarefun · 08/08/2022 11:19

I have 18 months between my 1st 2 and then just over 4 years until the youngest. For us it worked brilliantly, they all got on well with each other (although at some points a pair was better). Now they are all in their 20s and often meet up. I found my youngest the easiest (maybe having extra ‘help’), but only had 5 months maternity leave for all of them. I enjoyed the school run for half a term!

Aww that’s lovely!
at what age did the 3rd ‘catch up’ in terms of joining in with harder activities/holidays etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum2HC · 08/08/2022 13:34

Yasmini · 08/08/2022 10:36

My first two have a less than two year age gap then my third came with a nearly 5 year gap.

Whilst I adore the third, I actually found it really hard to go back to the baby stage. I think I just saw it all through rose-tinted glasses and the reality was different.

I was told third babies are easy and have to go with the flow. Mine did not. Rules the roost.

I am finding it hard for family activities that can involve us all. There is too much of an age gap and I should of gotten a wriggle on and had my third earlier!

That being said, we all love the third, and I love watching them all interact.

Thank you for your honesty!
If you could go back and do life again without knowing your 3rd would you stick with two?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum2HC · 08/08/2022 18:11

Anyone else have any words of wisdom?!

OP posts:
Dalaidramailama · 08/08/2022 18:29

@Mum2HC

Yes if you have an itch that you can’t scratch just scratch it 😉.

Rover83 · 08/08/2022 18:43

I have 16months between my eldest then our baby was born the month after the eldest turned 5. The baby is only 2 but so far things are going well, the elder two are the same sex and have so far tended to have similar interests.

Last summer was fine as he was very portable but this summer has been a bit trickier as its harder to find things that they can all join in with. Also I forgot how annoying it is going back to that stage of having to chase them round a bloody park all the time. He gets dragged on age inappropriate things constantly in a way I never needed to do with the older ones but he's generally a pretty good toddler.

Someone is always ill though its relentless at the moment.

WhiteFire · 08/08/2022 18:47

That is the age gap of mine. 22 months between the first two and then number 3 arrived just after number 2 turned 4. In our situation it was not long after that that #2 was diagnosed with autism. That has been difficult especially as the small two very much have a love / hate relationship.

The early days were hard, but that was because the youngest just did not sleep.

I do think that the youngest missed out on a lot of things the others did though, as by the time she was old enough to start enjoying activities, the eldest especially was getting a bit too old. Also holidays and hotels (premier Inn style) are more difficult, 3 bed holiday places are harder to find and also to then be a reasonable price (UK). We now need two rooms if we have a night away, so doubles the cost.

They are now 16, 14 and 10. The 16 year doesn't do that much with us now. It's been tough (mainly due to the autism) but I don't think I'd change it if I did it again.

SonSonSon · 08/08/2022 18:49

I have pretty much the same gap. 22 months between the first two, over 3.5 years between 2&3.
Its the perfect gap for me as the older two at school meant I could enjoy the baby more. I must say though, my older two could play together all day - very bonded - I do get worried about my 3rd being left out.
They are now 1, 5 & 6 (nearly 7).

WhiteFire · 08/08/2022 18:53

And like Rover above she had to tag along to whatever activities the others were doing.

Wallabyone · 08/08/2022 19:09

Hi!
I've got 2yrs 4month between my eldest two and they were 4 and 6 when our youngest was born. It's been brilliant. I loved the baby stage with him as I was more relaxed, the other two were at school and nursery (middle child is an autumn born), and I knew he was my last. The eldest and youngest are great pals, and the youngest and middle also get on great most of the time. They all rub along together well, and I have never regretted having a third with our gap.
They are 10, almost 8 and almost 4 now.

Original poster
Mum2HC · 08/08/2022 19:23

Ahh I just don’t know what to do!!
my husband is really keen and I’m now more hesitant. Did any of you have doubts before going ahead?

OP posts:
Dalaidramailama · 08/08/2022 19:32

@Mum2HC

Just do it. In the end I did because the constant mental gymnastics was doing my head in. Shall I?, Sharnt I?

Best decision ever for us. My 3rd is angel sent from above and I’m not even being dramatic. My angel child 😇 😂.

Dalaidramailama · 08/08/2022 19:41

@SonSonSon

Exactly the same age gap. 22 months between number 1 and 2 and then 3.5 years between number 2 and 3.

They’re now 12,10 and 7 and they play spectacularly together. All day in the pool today.

WhiteFire · 08/08/2022 19:55

She was a surprise. The decision was somewhat taken out of our hands.

Original poster
Mum2HC · 08/08/2022 20:15

Dalaidramailama · 08/08/2022 19:41

@SonSonSon

Exactly the same age gap. 22 months between number 1 and 2 and then 3.5 years between number 2 and 3.

They’re now 12,10 and 7 and they play spectacularly together. All day in the pool today.

So lovely to hear! Do you think an extra 6/7/8 months to the gap between 2nd and 3rd would make much difference?

OP posts:
Dalaidramailama · 08/08/2022 20:32

@Mum2HC

Not hugely no. Honestly I looked at them all today playing in the pool from my top window and they all just make my heart sing. I know that sounds cheesy and of course having 3 isn’t always a walk in the park but I felt like 3 was a bunch of kids. A proper crew. Never regretted him, not even for a second.

Chasingrainbows16 · 08/08/2022 20:43

Personally, I wouldn't... But I'm very much of the what would a third bring that one and two don't already provide opinion.. Basically, I don't see any positives to having more than two, just less time, sleep, energy, money...

More negatives to balance out the thread 😜

One being left out

Having to go back to nappies, sleepless nights, leaving the house with half of it, after getting through it the first time (I have two, 21 month age gap now 4 and 6, you couldn't pay me to go back to it!)

My two play so nicely together, they're into the same activities, etc... They're always going to be at similar stages so the same days out, holidays etc will hopefully always appeal to both... I can't see how that would work with eg, a 12-year-old, 10-year-old and 6 year old.