Trapped Toddler Parents: Surviving the summer

[Motherofmonsters]

Hi,

New thread for toddler support, ideas and general rants!

@squishymamma dS2 was not sick again luckily, just the three times.
know what you mean, when life is good it's great and all worthwhile but there are definitely days when it's really really difficult with behaviours, lack of sleep, lack of peace etc etc. Hopefully tomorrow will be a bit better.

I have the same thoughts frequently @squishymamma. Sometimes it just feels impossibly hard. I hope your day got better.

DS has gone more challenging again this weekend, won't leave his sister alone etc. I think he's looking for connection but then when I try he's more concerned about what DD is doing, then upsets her so I end up getting annoyed and he misses out on his 'connection time' and we're back in a loop. DH has been non-existant this weekend as well which hasn't helped.

Tomorrow is Monday and I'm going to start again (same thing I've said for the hundredth time) I'm meeting a friend and her boy and were going to the woods. Hopefully fresh air and a lot of running around will help.

How are you today @Motherofmonsters and @squishymamma ?

We've not got rid of the sickness bug really as they were both sick yesterday. Good job it's half term. I've just had my courtesy car dropped off whilst mine is getting repaired so at least I'm not without a car. We've done some painting this morning and had the hot wheels out. Try to get out to a playground or something this afternoon if both are feeling better. We've put some Halloween decorations up too. Have picking bits up in the shops for weeks so glad to get them up. Have carved out pumpkin into a sort of batman sign.
Hope everyone gets through the day ok.

Sending love and strength @squishymamma and @Motherofmonsters - hope you are both having better days today.

Hope you have a better - and sick free - day too @Chocolatetrifle

My childminder is working this week, but has swapped days, so I’m relying on in-laws today which means I’ve not got very much done as I don’t like to ask them to have her for too long - so didn’t start till 10.30, popped down and 12.30 to deal with lunch and nappy etc, then have just waved them off an a walk which I reckon will give me another hour or so work time then that will be it for the day. I’ve so much to do so shouldn’t really be fannying about on mumsnet but I feel knackered and brain foggy.

We had a nice weekend. Well I had a lovely Saturday as I went out for lunch and drinks with a friend whilst DD stayed with DH. I was feeling a bit shitty when I left though as DD keeps saying that mummy is ‘not there are C’s house’ (the childminder) and that she misses me at C’s house - she did 3 days last week and I think she really felt the difference. She also told anyone who wanted to listen (only my sister, my niece and DH to be fair) that ‘mummy shout,’ so I was feeling extra crap.

Yesterday the rain was horrendous and I needed to get DD out of the way whilst DH was banging and crashing about in what he described as ‘decorating’ although I can’t see what actually got done other than a massive bloody mess, oh well I have faith in the process and all that. So I took DD to a soft play, which on a rainy weekend morning with a rotten hangover was exactly as hideous as it sounds, particularly as DD has no interest in the toddler section anymore and insists on scaling the biggest equipment and hurling herself down the death slide. She loved it though.

Sleep is still fucked. I’m past even having the energy to think of ways to improve it honestly. And because I’m knackered then I’m afraid ‘mummy shout’ is a fair assessment of how the last week has gone. So much for my gentle parenting ideals - although today is a new day and all that.

Hope you’re having a better day @Motherofmonsters. I know what you mean, I resolve to give both kids more 1 on 1 time then they annoy me and I just end up shouting…

Hope DC have gotten over the sickness bug and you haven’t gotten it @Chocolatetrifle. We’ve bought a pumpkin but haven’t carved it yet.

@AliasGrape its so hard when they don’t sleep and you get sleep deprived. Well done surviving soft play with a hangover!!

Today has been better mainly because I’ve been at work and DC have been in nursery. We celebrated UN day today which is apparently a big thing here, lots of food and running around after the kids. Now I’m on my way to the airport as I’m on a work trip until Thursday evening, feeling very guilty about leaving DH to wrestle 2 kids that are sleeping poorly but there’s a high chance I might see the Northern Lights so not complaining too much.

oh and DS1 has an eye infection, not too bad but he looks permanently teary. Lololol poor DH!

Hope you all have a good night!

Half term here so have both the toddler and her older brother, who actually feels like harder work sometimes! The moaning and the demands for snacks!

But then the toddler will compete for most difficult child by randomly starting screaming and rolling about for no obvious reason! She has loads of words but when in a mood will not use any of them.

Morning all.

Hope you get to see the Northern Lights Squishy. I saw them on a trip to Iceland pre-DC, amazing they are.

How is everyone doing? I'm a bit out of sorts. I feel like I've lost my confidence a bit after the driving into the other car last week and dS1's after school incident on Friday, so a bit flat, and not much get up and go. Would be helped if the DC stopped getting up before 6 every single sodding day.
I'm going to try to eat lots of fruit and veg , green tea and go to bed very early again for a few nights I think.

How is everyone feeling ?

@Stayingstrongish oh yes the double tantrums, dreadful. I think we should all roll around on the floor, kicking and crying when they start, see what they make of us doing it!

@Chocolatetrifle great idea, we can all just tantrum together! After all I think I have more to tantrum about, no-one is bringing me biscuits and giving me cuddles!

Hello everyone,

How is everyone?

Sorry you've been feeling flat @Chocolatetrifle. have you managed to get some rest.

Today my mum had a Halloween party for the kids and their cousins. Could I find DS's costume from last year this morning, nope. I even went up in the attic and went through the bags I put in the attic for SIL. I then trooped through 4 shops to find something and ended up with a batman one. DS kept wandering off/asking me to buy everything just to add to the stress. We got home, I walked upstairs and remembered where it was!!
By this time I had taken all the tags off the new one (that cost £17!)

They had fun at the party. DS had some moments but was mostly all good.

Hope everyone's day has gone well.

Evening all,

The Halloween party sounds fun @Motherofmonsters glad it all went well.

I'm feeling a lot more positive mainly because I've had more sleep, I've been going to bed by 8.30 for the last few nights just to catch up on some extra time. Still up with dS2 in the night, he's decided he's not wearing his night time nappy pants again tonight so I'll have to see if I can get him to do a potty wee whilst half asleep later on. Ds1 still up at six. I am absolutely dreading the clocks going back on Sunday am. I just know we will be up at 5 like we were last year.
Right it's 8 so I'd best go to bed ha ha. Hope everyone is well.

Glad you’re feeling better @Chocolatetrifle - amazing what lack of sleep can do. I need to follow your lead really.

We have had a very difficult week all told. I’ve got a big deadline looming with work, and been given more than was realistic really, although I’m pretty much there now. My childminder wasn’t working Monday so my in laws stepped in but could only give me a couple of hours. Mercifully childminder did do Tue and Wed, so I had those days, but I also spend a few nights sitting up after bedtime till gone midnight finishing things off, then once I got to bed to have a very disturbed night with DD.

After 2 nights in a row of 4 hours sleep total (DD slept more but I struggled to go back after being woken) and generally feeling an emotional and physical wreck (injured foot, bad back, cough, funny reaction to flu jab), countless arguments with DH generally the result of my flying off the handle and lots of tears DH has forcibly removed me from the bedroom and gone in there with DD himself - tried that for 2 nights now, first night o didn’t sleep anyway, but last night I slept from 8pm to 11pm then again from 12.30 till 6, so feeling a lot better today.

We need to work on getting DD to sleep on her own and DH and I to sleep together, but baby steps!

Thursday after a morning of utterly shit parenting and crying about how tired I was, I got a grip and we did park, duck feeding and home to make and decorate pumpkin shape biscuits. Friday was a similar start to the day really, then we did the library and some painting once home.

We did have an argument again last night - honestly at that point I was just thinking I’d wake up today and just leave. But after a reasonable amount of sleep I can’t even really remember what the issue was properly, and can see that once again I’d massively overreacted (though DH was a dick to start with which he freely admits now!) I don’t know, we’re not like this and like he said last night ‘we’re better than this’ - and we are. We’ve always communicated so well, but this feels like those crazed and sleep deprived newborn days all over again except we probably coped better then. I need to prioritise sleep more, be more realistic about what work I can take on so I don’t get so overwhelmed, and learn to tell him what I need instead of expecting him to guess then being instantly and overwhelmingly furious at any perceived slight.

Oh @AliasGrape I totally understand and feel for you, it’s rough when you’re all lacking sleep and making decisions about how to parent in the middle of the night. Talking very heavily from experience here. I could almost have written parts of your post myself! Would it be possible for you and DH to take it in turns to sleep with DD for now? One day you will be alone just you and DH in your own bedroom, I promise!!

I was on a work trip Monday to Thursday evening. It went well but Thursday night was horrendous and last night wasn’t much better with DS2 waking up all the time. He sleeps in our bed and has been thrashing and wriggling around, so both DH and I have been exhausted and snappy at each other. We were supposed to be giving DC to PIL today so we could have some alone time but DH has ended up going with them so I can have a day free (despite not having been at home all week). And I feel terrible because I actually prefer that…

Has anyone managed to have a great relationship with their DH AND be a decent parent to their DC? I feel so sapped by the DC I don’t have any energy or feelings left for DH which is terrible but true.

Thanks for the empathy @squishymamma though I’m so sorry you’re feeling it too.

Having no feelings left is about right. All I feel by the time DD is down for the night is knackered and either simmeringly resentful or outright furious. It’s not even fair, he’s a bloody great dad and he does do a fair share of the parenting - none of the mental load side though really, and I think because DD has always been all about me and so intense in her need for my full attention we’ve probably just taken the path of least resistance to often, and then I feel cross about it because I feel like I’m getting the harder bits.

@AliasGrape yes totally the same here, we also choose path of least resistance so I end up with kids on me 24/7 and then I resent DH for not taking them even though we both kind of made the decision!

Hope you get some alone, quiet time this weekend. And that your deadline goes well!

Oh @AliasGrape how I hear you. DS sleep was never brilliant but went utterly horrendous after he turned about six months and didn’t improve for over a year - DH bad no idea how awful it was for me and he still doesn’t. It really took its toll on me in all sorts of ways, but the main one was that I had absolutely no down time at all.

We’ve also had a difficult few days. DH seems to be making life harder rather than easier - I just can’t get inside his head sometimes. Big things, like leaving DS at nursery for two hours because he was in a meeting and small things, like giving DS sweets (he’s never had sweets and I don’t see why we should start - I’m not precious about food, DS has had biscuits, the special ‘baby’ crisps as a snack and pudding / cake. Plus he really isn’t motivated by food, he’s more

@AliasGrape my DS has never been a great sleeper l, he’s got better now he is 3 and a half and sleeps though the night, but I have to sit at his bedroom door till he is asleep otherwise he is really emotional.

We have had a good week, meet a friend at a halloween toddler party on Monday, catch up with a friend Tuesday, Toddler cinema screening which was lovely on Wednesday Swimming yesterday and lunch with my Mum and park visit today.

Just catching up on all the messages above. I'll be honest and say on a few occasions I've walked out, simply shouted I can't take this anymore and actually driven off and left DH with the boys. I've always gone home when calmed down. Dh says he wants to leave all the time. We've been happily married for twelve years. This parenting thing is the hardest thing I've ever done too.

Just remember that we don't have to be perfect, we don't always get it right, some days will be dreadful but other days will be good and we will laugh and smile and look back happily at the photos. One day at a time, self care as much as time allows and permits and sleep helps so much.

I was having a decent day until ds1 pulled dS2 off the chair and he now has a small egg and bruise on his cheek

Oh and I'm actually scared to go to bed tonight in case we are all up at sodding 5 o'clock because of the hour change.

What a lovely message @Chocolatetrifle youre absolutely right. Need to just take it one day at a time and remember we will get through it. DH and I still have a great marriage but I guess it’s changed a lot since kids and we need to get used to the changes!

Oh God I had forgotten about the clock changing. Sat in DS1’s room trying to get him to sleep, I will put less effort in now!

In my experience the newborn sleep deprived days are totally different to still being sleep deprived years down the line,. It's all lovely and cuddly in the early days but then you could literally cry in the middle of the night if you are woken

Sorry posted too soon.

Now my dh says to me that Ive been complaining of lack of sleep for 5 years now, as ds1 is 5 and dS2 almost 3. This is true, I have, but I still wouldn't change it, I just want more sleep! My little men don't understand why I'm grumpy that I don't want to get up before 6 all the time. They are not kids who ever lie in, sleep all night and never have been.
Our marriage is totally different to pre-kids. We don't go out for meals anymore, theatre, cinema, in fact we never go out of an evening together like we used to but I know that time will come again when we can. We hardly talk some nights because I just want to go to bed!! But we are a team, trying our best to make the world our DC live in the best we can. Real Life is not like social media, let's not pressure ourselves. Right I'm off to bed as no doubt I'll be back tomorrow moaning about the ridiculous time we got up.

My marriage didn’t survive parenting two small kids during the pandemic. Both kids have been bad sleepers. Only the six year old now sleeps through since he was about four.

It’s been a hard time and the divorce admin on top of trying to downsize and move house is never ending. I do feel bad for the kids as I now have to work more and can’t focus on them so much. But ultimately the break up was my ex husband’s choice, not mine, so I am not going to blame myself.

I’m sorry to read that @Stayingstrongish ,
sounds really tough particularly when it wasn’t your choice. Hope things get less stressful for you very soon.