First lines of classic novels if no-one had childcare

[cariadlet]

Here's a few to get us started.
lithub.com/first-lines-of-classic-novels-if-no-one-had-childcare/,

We slept in what used to be the gymnasium. YES, AT 8:30 AND NOT ONE MINUTE LATER!! No, I don't care if Emma and Sophie in your class get to stay up until 9:00 on school nights; I'm not Emma's and Sophie's mum and we're not discussing it right now ...

• The Handmaid's Tale

I capture the castle

I write this with the toddler sitting in the kitchen sink. That is, his feet are in it. The rest of him is on the draining board desperately trying to escape as I attempt to wash off the banana milkshake he threw over me, the dog and himself.

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
And then my child woke me up by shrieking in my ear and shaking me by the shoulder. 'You were asleep, Mummy! Look at the lovely bubbles I made all over the carpet with the washing up liquid while you were asleep! And you were snoring ...'

The Bible

1 In the beginning, when God created the universe,

2 the earth was formless and desolate. The raging ocean that covered everything was engulfed in total darkness, and the Spirit of God was moving over the water.

3 Oh how God now longs for those peaceful millenia! There is no silence in the Garden of Eden now, what with Abel's newborn screams and Cain's non-stop questions. Humans had been a mistake, He concludes.

When Mary Lennox was sent to Misselthwaite Manor to live with her uncle everybody said she was the most disagreeable-looking child ever seen. It was true, too.

No adjustments needed to the secret garden!

Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice 'without pictures or conversation?' Her sister was getting mightily pissed off with Alice sighing, grumbling and making a nuisance of herself. 'I'm never having kids,' she thought angrily while visualising drowning Alice in the nearby river.

It was a beautiful morning at the end of November. During the night it had snowed and the earth was covered with a cool blanket no more than three fingers high.
'Oh shit' she thought as she opened the curtains and saw the kids hauling the sledge out of the shed. 'A bloody snow day and I've got a client meeting at 11.'

The Name of the Rose

Wow, these responses have blown my mind, so clever (and true!).

The Old Man And The Sea

He was an old man who fished in a skiff in the Gulf Stream, with his step children in tow, and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish. "Are we nearly there yet", they would moan throughout the day.

It was a dark and stormy night.
The babysitter 'phoned to cancel. I cried.

Out of Africa

I wished for a kindergarten in Africa, at the foot of the Ngong Hills.

Iain Banks, The Crow Road.

It was the day my grandmother exploded. Oh no, I thought. What will I do with the kids after school?

I love you lot!

🤣🤣🤣

Love this

As a last line : -
Reader I married him, & forever regretted I knew nothing about ...
"Hermione, Jeremy, Arthur. Constance, Albert, Florence just stop that squabbling this instant before I lock you all in the attic."

Girl On The Train (OK not a Classic. I mean has anyone ever finished it?)

There is a pile of clothing on the bathroom floor, socks dangling from the washing basket and a school shirt stuffed behind the radiator.

🤣

Ahhh these are all so good, some very clever ones!

@SomethingNastyInTheBallPool yours really made me chuckle.

Mr & Mrs Dursley of number 4 Privet Drive were proud to say they were perfectly normal thank you very much.
They needed CBeebies and an endless supply of snacks to get through the day, just like everyone else

@NiqueNique

It was 7 minutes after midnight. The dog was lying on the grass in the middle of the lawn in front of Mrs Shears' house. Its eyes were closed, it was wearing a pink tutu, and porridge rubbed deep into its fur.
"these fucking kids are out of control" thought the dog

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime,

Nothing to contribute but these are all amazing!

Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
"Dr Kate Iannis had enjoyed a satisfactory day in which none of her children had died or got any worse."

Another one - To Kill a Mockingbird
When he was nearly thirteen my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. We spent a night and day sitting in A&E.

The Woman in White - this is the story of what a woman’s patience can endure (an afternoon of the school holidays)

"Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug.
"It's so dreadful to be poor!" sighed Meg, looking down at her old dress.
"I don't think it's fair for some girls to have plenty of pretty things, and other girls nothing at all," added little Amy, with an injured sniff.
"We've got Father and Mother, and each other," said Beth contentedly from her corner.
"STFU, Beth!" yelled the other three in unison, with Amy making vomiting noises for good measure.

(Little Women)

One sunny Sunday, the caterpillar was hatched out of a tiny egg. He was very hungry.
He ate five frozen microwave pizzas, an entire loaf of bread with a whole block of butter, 2 packets of chocolate digestives, three bowls of crunchy nut corn flakes then said he was too tired to turn into a butterfly and went back to bed