Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How different was your childhood to your dc's and is theirs better or worse?

105 replies

sealandotter · 02/08/2022 14:08

I have 3 dc- 10 year old dd, 7 year old ds and 5 year old dd. My eldest dd asked me the other day what my childhood was like and it got me thinking about it. Mine wasn't actually that different to my children's (I'm 36 btw). I still live in the same area (although they go to a different school than I went to) and I'm a sahm and my mum was too. We do roughly the same activities as I did when I was young (e.g. swimming, walking the dog, trips to the garden centre, going to mcdonalds, watching Saturday night tv etc) and they get involved with most of the community events that I went to when I was young. We don't really live in an area where kids can go and play out so none of us really had that freedom that I hear others talk about. They do slightly more varied after school clubs than I did but they read a lot of books that were out when I was young. I realise some of these things are conscious decisions that we've made but I don't really see a huge difference between the two which I suppose is a good thing as I had a normal and happy childhood. I was just wondering if anyone else's children are having similar childhoods or if they are better or worse than theirs

OP posts:
Topgub · 02/08/2022 14:11

Not hugely different

We live in the same area. Have roughly the same income.

My kids go out to play same as I did.

The big difference is sm.

Thereisnolight · 02/08/2022 14:12

My DC are cuddled more and I play with them more. They get more material things. They are very socially confident and have lots of friends.

On the negative side they are unable to entertain themselves and at least one of them has no inner voice whatsoever. They are also more self-centred and less resilient and have less of a work ethic than I did.

jsvacation · 02/08/2022 14:15

My childhood was completely different regarding the money and opportunity situations. We didn't have much as kids always fed and watered but never did days out or any after school activities. My kids are lucky they get to have experience most things they want activities, days out, holidays, gadgets etc

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds 5 year olds 7 year olds Families
Ponderingwindow · 02/08/2022 14:18

massively different.

we live in the same area, so people might think they are similar, but I grew up in a home with abuse, addiction, and financial struggles.

im very proud of the fact that I have managed to provide dd with a stable, peaceful home. It’s a huge bonus that we are also financially very sound and she gets to have experiences that I never could.

Hoppinggreen · 02/08/2022 14:20

Well me and DH dont hate eachother and the DC haven’t learned how to handle bailiffs at the door from an early age and/or how to deal with an alcoholic so I would say their childhood is much better than mine or DHs

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 02/08/2022 14:23

Massively different. I grew up in a rural area, surrounded by nature. We don't live in that kind of environment.

Onlyrainbows · 02/08/2022 14:27

Very, very different (but I'm not British!) In all honesty I think I had a far better childhood. Private schools, FT cleaner, nanny, gardener... Holidays abroad 3-4 times a year. My DC have a nice house and we get by.

A580Hojas · 02/08/2022 14:27

DH and I have stayed together so my dc childhoods are markedly different to mine which was very badly affected by an unhappy divorce. Not just my childhood but my entire life (because of course what happens to you as a child affects everything).

We don't have more money or anything like that. I had a middle class upbringing as have my kids ... enough money but nothing flash. We have taken an interest in their schooling and their school friends - I never got anything like that from my parents.

Deliaskis · 02/08/2022 14:28

Better or worse is a hard question....there are advantages and disadvantages to everything. DD is significantly more privileged than I was as a child, although I in no way went without. I also think DH and I are generally more 'engaged' with her and her activities etc. than my parents were. However, she is 11 and just about to start high school, and her life has been fairly protected until now. I fear for her teenage years....social media, online and real life bullying, porn culture, pressure to look a certain way, behave a certain way etc. And I suppose I also fear somewhat how she will make her own way in the world, it all feels harder now, from getting a job to finding housing that is affordable and suitable, etc. That part all seemed a lot more free and easy when I was starting out in adult life.

So....better or worse....absolutely both, in different ways.

Sandysandwich · 02/08/2022 14:31

My children are happier and safer than I ever was as I child,
We live in a similar area so they are similarly streetwise and confident, and we do similar activities as a family, like making dens in the forests etc that I did as a child, we cook quite similar food and our household income is still the same.

But they have a wider circle of responsible adults around them, and as parents I think we are able to be more focused on them and give them the attention and care that we were missing as children.
Also while they are aware of things like smoking and drink and drugs as they see it around, none of that comes into their home. Same with violence, in our home they are safe from all that, and I think they are more relaxed because of it.

Cuddliesrule · 02/08/2022 14:31

Quite different. I don't hit my kids. I live in a different country to the one I grew up in. I take them to church occasionally but don't force them to go to Mass under threat of physical punishment.
I work, my mother was SAHM. I'm divorced, my parents are still married.
I spoil my kids a bit more, they're not afraid to talk to me, and they're much more confident that my sister or I were.
But I also do some similar stuff, like swimming lessons, trips to the library, bike rides. I've also just got a dog which I longed for as a child!

princesssparklepants · 02/08/2022 14:34

Very different.

My parents divorced when I was 2/3. Mum worked full time so I was at a childminders that I hated from the age of 2 till about 10.
Had a brother I who disliked my very existence, so it appeared anyway.

DD is an only child. Both parents living with her. Both of us work from home so since she's been at school has been picked up or dropped off by one of us each day. We both have good jobs so have a lot of disposable income so she can do any hobby she likes..... I did none!

She does feel hard done by though... she wants a sibling (basically wants another kid to be able to tell what to do) but that won't happen.

MoodyTwo · 02/08/2022 14:55

Thereisnolight · 02/08/2022 14:12

My DC are cuddled more and I play with them more. They get more material things. They are very socially confident and have lots of friends.

On the negative side they are unable to entertain themselves and at least one of them has no inner voice whatsoever. They are also more self-centred and less resilient and have less of a work ethic than I did.

Same as PP

Simonjt · 02/08/2022 15:00

Huge differences and some similarities.

The first half of my childhood was spent in a different country, we were also essentially raised by our neighbour who was our unnoficial nanny. It was traumatic coming to the UK as it meant losing her. She’d raised us, she was our parent, our mother and father weren’t. Money was extremely tight, both there and in the UK, no new clothes, no holidays, no trips out, lots of shouting, threats and physical violence, no calm, cuddles or even verbal praise.

My don’t live in a shouty or violent home, food is plentiful, clothes and shoes are replaced when they’re out grown. There’s praise, listening, kindness, cuddles and general positive attention. There are trips to the park, the sea side, holidays etc. However a similarity is that just like me they aren’t being raised by a birth parent, so its a loss for both, but in a very different manner.

Mellowyell292 · 02/08/2022 15:05

Very similar. Stable home life but DS is an only child and I have a brother. My parents had far more disposable income so we had more holidays. My school was better than DS's. I think DS is closer to us than I was to my parents, he certainly talks about stuff I never would have shared with my mum and dad.

Vampirethriller · 02/08/2022 15:07

Very different. I'm the oldest of 7, my parents fought every day (physically as well as the shouting) and my mother was verbally abusive to us. There was very little money because my father drank and gambled. They were nice middle class teachers so nobody ever thought we need help- I was told off at school for lying about them when I told a teacher!

My daughter is an only child, I've got just enough money, we have a warm clean house and we go to the seaside, swimming etc. There's never adults shouting and always enough to eat. She's already more confident than I was at three times her age.

Darlissima · 02/08/2022 15:13

I had a privileged (in material things), horsey childhood in the country, one of two children. My two children have an equally privileged horseless childhood in town. I try to be less narrow-minded and judgemental than my mum can be and more accepting of who they are as individuals. My parents have very set ideas of the proper way to do things and I try hard to catch myself whenever I feel I’m heading the same way.

skippy67 · 02/08/2022 15:20

Very different. My dc have been raised in a 2 parent family. They went to school in a leafy London suburb and live in a house with a garden. They actually like each other, and my ds has never hit his sister or told her she stinks, is ugly, or be vile to her.
So yeah, very different to mine.

User280905 · 02/08/2022 15:21

My kids have way more opportunities but my parents had a stronger relationship than me and dh. So I think probably I was luckiest.

FreezyFreezy · 02/08/2022 15:22

It's not actually that much different apart from the distance - I was allowed pretty much anywhere. At 11, I was shopping in town with my sibling. My dc don't go that far but do spend much of their time playing out with friends on the street. They walk to and from school alone. They watch a lot of TV. They eat similar things as well.

Phos · 02/08/2022 15:40

Some similarities but a lot of differences.

My daughter is now 5 which is the age I was when my parents divorced. Thankfully that doesn't seem to be on the horizon for DH and me.

DH is much more hands on than my dad was and I feel that's a trend now to have more involved dads. Obviously helped by a lot of people having flexibility to work from home in some professions. When my dad was living with us, I never saw him during the week, he had left for work before I got up and didn't get home until I was in bed.

Technology - obviously she has access to tech and entertainment possibilities that we didn't. We didn't have tablets, she does (actually its our tablet but she is allowed it on weekends) She has access to on demand tv whereas we had 3-5 channels and maybe the occasional video.

Social - just so much more stuff now. I don't remember any soft plays in our area until I was 10 or so (mid 90s), nor did I have as many extra curricular to choose from as she seems to. However my view may be skewed as we are much much better off than when I was that age so it could be these things existed but we couldn't afford them. I do find playdates aren't as simple as they used to be, like going to a friend's house for tea but I think Covid might have had something to do with that. We all forgot how to socialise for a bit.

School - I went to a state primary, DD is at an independent prep. Purely to do with the fact we can afford it, my parents couldn't (and I'm not even sure we had any private schools that close to us)

But some things are the same. She likes Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl and Beatrix Potter books. She plays with lego and little plastic action figures. She likes the older board games like guess who, hungry hippos and Ludo. I did think she was less able to entertain herself than I could (we are both onlies) but it's to do with how much is being thrown at them and us being so available whereas for me growing up with a single parent or being looked after by grandparents who couldn't play with me the whole time, I got used to it early. She is getting better at playing independently now to be fair as we have encouraged her and she does now enjoy her own company more.

ldontWanna · 02/08/2022 15:43

DD's childhood is much better. She's loved and safe and knows it. She gets taken to the park,days out, birthday parties, playdates etc. all the stuff I never had.She doesn't get screamed at,or sworn at, no emotional,mental or physical abuse.

Financially my parents were better off, but we make do enough to meet all her needs and some wants.

I don't begrudge her any of it and I want her to always be happy and safe and loved, but if I'm entirely honest.. I am a little bit jealous sometimes.

TooBigForMyBoots · 02/08/2022 16:05

My children's lives are immeasurably better as I grew up through the Troubles. The GFA improved the lives of everyone in the UK, but I fear that the Tory fuckwittery that is Brexit will fuck things up.🥺

scissorsandsellotape · 02/08/2022 16:14

TooBigForMyBoots · 02/08/2022 16:05

My children's lives are immeasurably better as I grew up through the Troubles. The GFA improved the lives of everyone in the UK, but I fear that the Tory fuckwittery that is Brexit will fuck things up.🥺

Shit
I am sorry you went through this
I am in mid 40s now and was aware of the troubles but (shamefully Because it didn't affect me I didnt pay it any
Mind) it's only recently I realise how horrific it was
I am sorry that this is All fucked up now

SuperlativeOxymoron · 02/08/2022 16:22

DS is only 3 atm, his upbringing isn't that different from mine and DH so far (similar area to where we both grew up)
The biggest difference is both DH and I work, so DS goes to nursery 2 days a week and is looked after by his grandparents. Neither my mum or DHs mum worked until we (and siblings) were in school, so the adult input and experience is different, but otherwise a lot of the same. Can't see that really changing as he ages, although it looks like he may be an only where as neither me or DH are.

Swipe left for the next trending thread