How different was your childhood to your dc's and is theirs better or worse?

[sealandotter]

I have 3 dc- 10 year old dd, 7 year old ds and 5 year old dd. My eldest dd asked me the other day what my childhood was like and it got me thinking about it. Mine wasn't actually that different to my children's (I'm 36 btw). I still live in the same area (although they go to a different school than I went to) and I'm a sahm and my mum was too. We do roughly the same activities as I did when I was young (e.g. swimming, walking the dog, trips to the garden centre, going to mcdonalds, watching Saturday night tv etc) and they get involved with most of the community events that I went to when I was young. We don't really live in an area where kids can go and play out so none of us really had that freedom that I hear others talk about. They do slightly more varied after school clubs than I did but they read a lot of books that were out when I was young. I realise some of these things are conscious decisions that we've made but I don't really see a huge difference between the two which I suppose is a good thing as I had a normal and happy childhood. I was just wondering if anyone else's children are having similar childhoods or if they are better or worse than theirs

Very different. We're currently living overseas, we own our own house in the UK, my DCs are having opportunities that I could only dream of plus we're doing a lot of travelling right now.

I grew up in a rented house, we couldn't afford much in the way of treats or luxuries so a day out was a rare thing and our holidays were always as cheap as my parents could find and largely unhappy because my parents would fall out and my DF wouldn't speak to my DM for a couple of days or more. I didn't do any after school clubs, both parents worked, and neither were very emotionally engaged. But I did enjoy simple activities and had lots of friends and community and felt mostly content as a child.

I do sometimes wonder if we prioritise our kids too much and have gone the other way. I'm also a sahm right now, though not through choice, and it's something my mum always wanted to be but my DF insisted she work. My kids do benefit from me being around all the time and it definitely takes the stress off... I hope we talk about things a lot more than my parents did. My Dc are alot more confident than I ever was. And hopefully more aspirational.

Sometimes I do wish for simpler days and no tech though!

Very different.

I grew up in multiple locations across the globe. My children have only ever known one house and one community.

So difficult to compare. I grew up in poverty but had 2 very loving and devoted parents and a sister who is my best friend. My DD has a lot more materially and many more opportunities, holidays, clubs, trips etc but I am a single parent and she has no siblings. I don’t know which is preferable to be honest 🤷‍♀️.

My brother and sister were very ill throughout my childhood and died when I was in my teens. I was on the back burner, through no fault of my parents, not their priority. I spent a lot of time with my aunt and cousins- weekend trips, clothes shopping, etc. When my brother and sister died, I had to care for my parents through their grief and mine was never considered.

My daughter is my only living child, she has an older sibling who was stillborn and in her lifetime I've had many miscarriages. Still, she has been our priority. She comes before any other child and even before DH and I. She doesn't have to support our grief or be our therapists. We are open, but only share age-appropriate information. She is supported and encouraged to be open with her emotions. She has a stable life, stable parents, etc.

@Carrieonmywaywardsun I'm so sorry for what you've been through. You sound really loving to your dd

Very different. I grew up in a village, with lots of friends to "call on", loads of space to play and I lived in a three bed house with a garden back and front. I had a sibling to annoy too. You would just knock on a mate's door and see of they could come out. As a teenager it was harder, lots of hanging around street corners and asking Mum for lifts, because the bus service was skeletal at best.

My child grew up in a big city, we can only afford a flat, no garden, tiny bedroom for her, and she's an only. We had to arrange play dates when she was younger. You don't just turn up. If she needed big open space we'd take her to a local park. But now she's older, she has lots of transport options and goes out to "Town" with her mates regularly, and they always find something good to do.

Only one DS, now 18. His childhood is so far removed from mine that it's almost laughable. Not just materially (as we are financially much better off than my parents) but also in terms of being listened to, respected and trusted. We have also made it clear that (within reason) there's nothing DS cannot do. For me, half the world was off limits as I was a girl.

DH is an older dad but funnily enough the love and support he had as a child means their childhoods are emotionally not terribly different.

I've just read through all the replies and I've found it really interesting to hear other people's and their children's experiences. A few posters have mentioned that their children are more confident than them and I definitely see this in my own dc. I've kept my dc very low tech/low screen time (so far, but I realise that may change as they get older!) and we've never been able to afford to take them abroad so I don't think their confidence comes from experiences I've given them. They all became a lot more confident when they went to school so maybe schools have gotten better!

I think very similar - not in terms of location, we live in an entirely different place to where either DH or I grew up but we have a similar (comfortable) home, lots of opportunities, involvement in the community etc etc. My DPs were/are very supportive and encouraging and I like to think we are; In fact sometimes I think I am turning into my mother - perhaps most of us do. I remember having maths coaching to get through my O Levels (showing my age) and all those years later booking a tutor for my DS to get through his Maths GCSE ! DS is an only DC (by choice) whereas DH & I grew up with siblings.

I can’t imagine more different childhoods. I was state schooled with working mum (and dad), no household help, had to raise younger siblings, look after them after school, cook dinner. My parents were working all the time and weekends were spent doing housework, chores, diy. I had two birthday parties growing up, very few “play dates” went to numerous different schools. Holidays were spent staying with different relatives. Hand me downs as clothes until I started working in a pt job at 13 and bought my own. Very low self esteem.

I agonise over how different my childrens lives are and if they’re incurably spoilt: private school, any extra curricular they fancy (I couldn’t do any because of cost), housekeeper, nanny, gardener, window cleaner - all the things my parents used to do themselves! 4-5 holidays a year, 3-4 abroad. Private schools, new clothes and shoes. I work part time in a very flexible well-paid job. I could go on and on; every aspect is different.

my children are more confident than I was but they are missing, and I don’t think they’ll magically gain, my work ethic.

Typo mentioning private schools twice!

Very different. I work, both of us have good fairly senior well paid jobs, so they don’t want for anything. Nice house which we own. We spend lots of time with them, tell them we love them all of the time, lots of hugs and kisses. They know they can tell us anything.

They don’t play outside like we used to though, so no resilience, self-reliance or street smarts. They can’t ride bikes etc. I remember I always used to be outside with friends, from a very early age.

Similar to a previous poster actually.

I think (Hope) they are broadly the same.

We have more money than my parents did at that age so they get foreign holidays and things like that.

But the important things are the same as we have same values as my parents and in laws.

This was really thought provoking, thanks op!

It's bizarre but DD's life at the age she is now is scarily similar to my own.

Are we destined to just turn into our parents???

My childhood was awful. Chaotic family, in and out of care, pregnant for the first time as a young teen etc.

My kids have a much better childhood. They attend sports and activities they enjoy, do quite well in school, are happy and sociable with lots of friends, days out regularly. We are lucky to live in a small safe-ish place where they can easily ride their bikes to nearby swimming/cinema/beach, so as they’re getting older (especially my oldest) they’re able to go out and have some independence with friends rather than if we lived somewhere like a big city where it might not be possible.

@Winkydink A lot of people I know have similar situations to you where they are much better off than their parents and therefore their children have a much more privileged childhood than they had. It's lovely that you've provided that for your children- but as you say it is through your work ethic.

Oh, theirs is so much better. We're well off, they have two parents, and neither of them are raging alcoholics. Thank god.

Mine have less in terms of financial benefits compared to my childhood but more than DH had. They have way more fun and freedom than I had - we laugh a lot more and enjoy each other's company.

I grew up in a big house with lots of long haul holidays (Australia, Bali, America, Hawaii). However, we weren't a close family. Dad was the boss, no matter what. Me and DBro were highly pressured to perform at the highest level.

We have fewer big holidays and a smaller house but we are closer. I have a much better relationship to my DDs than I had to my Mum. I'd like them to work hard but not be put under the pressure I was.

My parents were wealthy, clever and high energy. Very sociable.
We had loads of holidays, extra curricular activities, huge social group and close friends. It was a lot of fun and often did very interesting things. We lived in London and that had some benefits and some drawbacks.

My DC don't get to do much because we haven't got a lot of money. We can't afford to go on holidays. We have friends but our circle is smaller and not as close I think that's a shame as it really did give a sense of security in childhood, having a lot of people around who loved me.

But yes, my teenagers are way more confident and capable than I was at their age. They have good work ethics and were more aware of their own needs / desires in terms of education and life experiences.

Quite different.

I grew up with a single mum on minimum wage with my younger brother. Dad provided no support. My mum was amazing at being involved with us and finding free things to do, but we were definitely poor and knew this as we got older.

DS and my two DSS on the other hand are growing up with two (or three, if you include me for my step sons as a quasi parent for the example) parents that earn quite a bit, but have a great work life balance. Gorgeous house, nice school, clothes that fit, lots of holidays and days out centered around their interests, good healthy food and clothes that fit.

I was a happy child with my lot, and I think they are, too - DSS(8) seems a bit spoiled on his mother's side but we are working on that. I'm trying to tell myself it's okay to do less with them and spend less but it's hard when you have the money and grew up so poor.

@felulageller It's really scary isn't it! I've definitely turned into my mum. I even cook them the exact same meals as my mum used to cook us when we were kids! They (especially my dds) like a lot of the same things I liked when I was their age too! There really isn't very much that's different

Despite my best efforts my kids have had to endure some of the same hardships I did. Moving around for work. Conflict between parents. Mine do more activities than I did though. I separated whereas my parents stayed together despite conflict. I really wish deep down in my soul I had provided them with a better childhood. And a less perpetually stressed mother. My mum was a SAHM, where as I have (had to) work throughout due to the dad being shit.

In some ways similar - location, finances, politics, food, music. Other ways completely different - hobbies, attention, discipline, conversation.

Best/biggest difference for me was eldest saying 'I love weekends, I get to spend some time with you all'. I NEVER felt like that!