How different was your childhood to your dc's and is theirs better or worse?

[sealandotter]

I have 3 dc- 10 year old dd, 7 year old ds and 5 year old dd. My eldest dd asked me the other day what my childhood was like and it got me thinking about it. Mine wasn't actually that different to my children's (I'm 36 btw). I still live in the same area (although they go to a different school than I went to) and I'm a sahm and my mum was too. We do roughly the same activities as I did when I was young (e.g. swimming, walking the dog, trips to the garden centre, going to mcdonalds, watching Saturday night tv etc) and they get involved with most of the community events that I went to when I was young. We don't really live in an area where kids can go and play out so none of us really had that freedom that I hear others talk about. They do slightly more varied after school clubs than I did but they read a lot of books that were out when I was young. I realise some of these things are conscious decisions that we've made but I don't really see a huge difference between the two which I suppose is a good thing as I had a normal and happy childhood. I was just wondering if anyone else's children are having similar childhoods or if they are better or worse than theirs

Worlds apart. My children have this sort of carefreeness about them that the child of an alcoholic living on constant high alert doesn't have.

I always swore from when I was a very small child that I would never give my kids a childhood that they needed to recover from. Don't get me wrong, they have the usual ups and downs that teenagers do but they don't stiffen at the sound of a key in the door, they always have gangs of their friends around and see that carefreeness...well that gets me every time I notice it. At least I got that much right.

I grew up in soviet union so in that sense it's very different from Dd growing up in leafy parts of London. After that, I had quite an international upbringing which was both stressful but also quite exciting. Although Dd was born abroad, she doesnt remember it. On the other hand, I do a similar job to my parents, we're both onlies and we both ended up living in London. However, I spent three months a year in the summer by the sea - something that Dd isnt able to do. I loved having both an urban and rural upbringing.

Totally different:
Me - grew up in Central London, with spells abroad with DF's work - 12 months in Netherlands, 6 months in Houston - and many other spells of 2 days to 2 years where DF was absent due to business trips. He only took us to the nice places!
1 of 4 children. Grandparents an hour away, we visited often.
Went to 2 enormous schools, multi racial, multi lingual. Good friends included the daughter of a man who worked for Cadbury's and always had broken biscuits and misshaped chocolates at her flat (Peabody estate next to school), but also the possibility of a cow tongue soaking in the bath; the daughter of the ambassador from the Ivory Coast who came to school in a chauffeur driven Rolls (and was really envious of our "Scholar" Travelcards and the anonymous freedom they reoresegref); a hereditary peer, who was a massive bell end even at 14; the niece of a now extremely well known writer, whose house I went to many times, as he (academic) was often in during the day.
Lots of independence very early - going to school on the tube (3 stops, with a change at Victoria) from age 8.
Swam competitively. DPs sometimes came to watch, but not often. Pool at school, caretaker let me in at 7.30! PE teacher was also my coach. Swam a lot.
Literally everything in world on my doorstep. I'd queue for £1 prom tickets and free/cheap school child west end show tickets and eat at cheap Asian cafes 5 mins off the tourist trail and never visited by tourists.
DF became very ill when I was 12. He had to stop work, and the foreign travel stopped. He was a lot more physically present, but his physical and mental health deteriorated very quickly. DM picked up several jobs to support as us DF had no life insurance. Quickly became a Free Dinners girl. Older DBs had left home. House move to cheaper part of London on my 16th birthday to release equity, to pay for DF's nursing.
And free university education.

DCs - growing up
Two parents, both work full time - and both come home 99% of nights!
Less income (than until I was 12) but more stable
Only 2 of them
Yorkshire Pennine village - very white - social segregation seems to be "them that was born in Barnsley; them that was born in Halifax and the poor beggars born elsewhere".
Everywhere we need to go is a 10 min walk or 30 min + drive
Considerably less desirable , and smaller, house and postcode.
Less freedom to roam beyond the village independently due to sparcity of rural public transport/confidence about using it since lockdown/no desire to go into towns since lockdown.
Visiting cities, and their amenities, always planned. No impromptu concert trips!
Lots of cricket, football and mtb though.

We live a materially nicer life than when I was growing up, but that's partly I think because we are older parents, had nearly given up by the time DD appeared and feel we can indulge her a bit. Probably too much tbh but anyway. I was hardly deprived as a kid but there was a lot of "remember the starving children in Ethiopia" - a sense that we were very very lucky to have what we had.

Maybe that was a good thing.

We also try really hard to listen to DD, and my parents didn't listen much to me or my DSis. It's hard to have much of a relationship with people who don't listen.

DD's school is way better than any of mine. I got a good education, but looking back, much of it was in spite of school, not because. DD's teachers have all been great and so patient with her SEN.

We moved 3 times before I was DD's age (9) and I went to four different primaries. The one I was at for a single school year, I didn't make any friends. It was awful.

So I'm glad for her that she's always lived in the same house and gone to the same school. We are good friends with our next door neighbours and so while she doesn't get to play out like we did, she has a couple of playmates on tap which makes a huge difference. That's similar. We always had friends on our street.

Life has got so much more materialistic though all round. I miss the innocence of the 70s a bit where the limit of my 9 year old desire was to complete my Aristocrats sticker book!

Quite different but no better or worse, I think.

I think I parent the same as my mum but it's still quite different.My mum had me at 21 she had me whilst she was at uni. I grew up in a council house and my mum and dad divorced when I was 5. When they divorced my mum couldn't afford to work so she was a SAHM. She did remarry when I was 12 and I had step sisters and half sisters and a year later they used a government scheme to buy a house. Where as my husband and I had a mortgage at about 24 and married at 26 and had children at 28 and we were together a long time first. We got together just before I turned 18. I work part-time. I think I had more freedom to play outside but I think that's more about location as the cul de sac I lived on had lots of green spaces and footpaths that meant roads didn't need to be crossed and there were lots of children around to look after each other. Whereas we live on a fairly busy road and there's less children nearby to play with.

I would say very similar in lots of ways, one noticeable difference is family being around. I come from a very close family where all the family (my Mums siblings and their children) met up for 2/3 hours at my Gran's house fortnightly for a cup of tea, sandwiches and biscuits and all the children played together and the siblings caught up. My DC only has hubby, me and my parents and a few of my aunt's that she sees often. Hubby's side are not interested unless for show and live less than 5 minutes away, I just don't get it but their loss.

Great thread.
As a child, I remember spending lots of time playing with groups of people who I would necessarily call my friends, they were just out playing at the same time. Playing with others didn’t really involve the parents and you would walk to and from other friends’ houses.

Not so much with my DC, but their friends are quite confident when speaking to other adults. I’m trying to I still that in mine. I remember being quite scared of my friends’ parents and would try to avoid talking to them, a bit like Perry in Kevin and Perry. And calling people Mrs Smith etc (other than teachers).

Teachers were generally feared. And if you got in trouble you knew your parents would side with the teacher and you’d get another bollocking when you got home.

Life was often pretty boring and revolved around the adults, you just had to fit in. A trip to the countryside would be just that, no nice picnic, and a visit to the gift shop at a museum was out of the question. A theme park would happen once per childhood. Restaurant trips were rare, and generally rubbish.

School seemed less of a big deal than it is now, it was what it was, rather than ‘good’ schools etc. Children weren’t expected to like going, but just put up with it. Bullying was tolerated and encouraged by some teachers. Generally life used to involve more physical punishment, threats and withdrawal of the limited pleasures we had. We would get told off by random adults quite often for minor misdemeanours.

We didn’t go abroad until we were quite old, and holidays definitely involved no elements of luxury whatsoever.

We used to play quite a lot of board games as a family. My children have forgotten about the existence of TV that is not YouTube. We used to have the six o clock news on in the background and we weren’t allowed to change channels. Didn’t really consider it anyway.

If I received any kind of money as a child, eg tooth fairy, I would be so excited and count it all up, even the coppers. My DC are nonplussed about money, they have no idea what’s in their moneyboxes.

I think they are probably happier than I was, but they probably don’t think so!

I’d say we are slightly more affluent and definitely more involved.

my parents were loving, but passive.

im incredibly proactive with mine.

Couldn't be any more different. My children have beautiful, idyllic childhoods full of love and happy memories. I tell them I love them every day and we have so much fun together.

My childhood was awful. I was abandoned before I was even born by my birth father who I traced and contacted when I was an adult and he went on to violently and sexually abuse me for 9 months. Thankfully he is dead now. My awful mum let her partner abuse me between the ages of 2 and early twenties. I have no contact with my mum or her partner at all now. I rebuilt my life with a lot of therapy and while I am happy now I often do wonder how I'll respond when my kids' ask me about my own childhood. I'll just have to keep it as vague as possible. They're only little now so no questions yet but I accept I'll inevitably get questions some day. I spent so much of my childhood terrified and confused.

My kids is worse than mine and it makes me very sad and ashamed.
I had a lovely upbringing, fairly secure financially.
I struggle financially and am divorced.
They are happy though, but i think I have let them down really because of my mistakes.

Massively different. I grew up in a single parent household. Mum was on income support and drank heavily. Witnessed domestic violence a lot and my sister went wildly off the rails from around 12 and never recovered really.
We never went on holiday, rarely did anything in school holidays other than play at the park opposite our house whilst mum was at home. Occasionally went swimming. We did go to the library a lot which was nice.

My DC live in our own house, both parents, both working and (once nursery fees done) a modest income. They go to clubs and activities, we try and have a holiday in the UK each year. Neither me or DH drinks alcohol. I cuddle and tell them I love them more.
I do struggle with my temper, shout a lot and am easily triggered by their behaviour which is a sad consequence of my very chaotic upbringing that I'm trying to work on.

@bakewellbride I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope your children thriving and having happy childhoods helps you to heal

My dds upbringing is very different to mine, I was bought up in an upper middle class home, I had both parents and two brothers. We lived in a big house, had nice holidays, never really worried about money...

I've raised my (now 16yo) dd on my own since she was born, money has been tight, she has no siblings.

That said I've made sure my dd has had all the opportunities I could afford, we have had some lots of nice holidays and she's been very lucky in lots of ways.

My childhood was not perfect, my dad was hard work and emotionally absent, we moved house constantly due to his work. Dds childhood has been very stable and consistent.

You have happy kids. That’s nothing to be sad and ashamed about. If there’s food on the table and clothes to wear then (as far as a young kid is concerned) they are financially stable. Of course holidays and new things are nice but that’s not what makes a really happy childhood.

I know you're right, and thank you for your kind words.

Not at all. Just be around for them (as much as you can, if you’re at work). Little things - hug when they come home from school, dinner ready, go for rainy winter walks and come home to a family movie and hot chocolate, days out together during the holidays ( museums, swimming), read to them at night, even just a short chapter, etc.

Be “around”, a solid and stable presence in the background of their lives, always interested in them while they watch TV, read, do sports, play with their friends.

Try your hardest not to be constantly irritable with them if you’re tired. But don’t beat yourself up if you occasionally are. Just apologise and try again.

All these little things are like gold dust and diamonds are the precious things they will remember, trust me!

The parental involvement in our kids’ lives is huge compared to my childhood. It felt like emotional neglect to me at the time, whereas I’m sure that my kids feel stifled by the helicopter parenting we have done. It’s hard to strike a balance when you don’t have a blueprint of the childhood you want to provide your children.

I have happy kids and am happy married. My parents were troubled so my sibling and I had a tougher time. We did have a terrific grandparent living with us and that made all the difference. My DC don't have any contact with my parents and the DH's parents live far away.

My kids are much happier and more self confident than I was. They don't walk on egg shells like my sister and I did.

🌷 to those on here who had a tough time growing up.

I didn't realise how privileged I was until I was in my 50s, my DPs were/are (DF died last year but DM is 90 and fighting fit ). Loving, parental support is just so, so important. We weren't massively privileged financially - no private schools or exotic holidays etc but the warmth, encouragement and support I received was just wonderful ... but I took it all for granted, I just assumed everyone had loving, supportive families. I remember the occasion I broke the Law and had to go to court and was fined ... my DPs didn't condone what had happened but they sent me a bouquet so it was waiting for me when I returned from Court with a message 'whatever happens, we will always love you'. That brings tears to my eyes even now, over 30 years later.

We only live a mile or so away, so similar on the surface, but it couldn't be more different. Abusive mother both to us and father. No value for education and deeply racist (to the extent I hadn't even tried pasta til I made it for home ec). No car.

DC have regular days out, we eat out, we get takeaways. I celebrate their achievements. They are allowed to be in clubs and to learn musical instruments, and have pets. Oh and DD16 hasn't been kicked out yet. They will both be welcome as long as they like.

I would say my son's childhood is better than mine was in terms of material things, but the same in terms of love and affection. I lost my dad at any early age though, which shaped a lot of my later childhood so I hope and pray my son is spared that trauma and therefore ultimately has a happier childhood.

My parents had a better lifestyle but less money, and because they had lots of help thay had more time. I suspect I had a better childhood than my kids as it was quite free.

Very different

My parents had very traditional roles so my mum was at home and my dad went out to work.

We had 2 cars, 2 British holidays a year, we had music lessons and had the choice of a 2nd club

My parents didn't buy brands but if we ever needed something we had it

My children have had a very different upbringing -I've been a single parent since they were 5&7 and their dad has had no involvement since

Except for a 6 month period when I got made redundant I have worked full time -a good chunk of my earnings being taken up with childcare fees, especially in the holidays -so no clubs or other activities

We played fun games like having freezer pot luck for dinner when I couldn't put a meal together until payday, or charity shop fashion shows

We haven't been on holiday for over 10 years

They are now 19&21, both at uni and seem happy enough with their lives

DS's is infinitely better as he doesn't have a deranged psychopathic sibling trying to kill him on a near daily basis for 4 years.