'Breast is Best'

[OddSocksandRainbowDocs]

It's National Breastfeeding Week and I've seen the phrase 'Breast is Best' banded about quite a few times.

Whilst I agree breastfeeding is scientifically better, some mothers (myself included) physically could not breastfeed so chose to formula feed instead. I was made to feel like a failure by a midwife for choosing to do so.

My little one is now one and a half. She is happy, she is healthy.

I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed, that is all that matters

This post wins the thread

Where you have to sterilise bottles/ prepare it (shouldn’t really be done in advance). Honestly formula doesn’t necessarily mean more sleep.

This is a 'strap line' and it's correct, breast is best ... however, a bit like a book title it doesn't give detail - think of it like a song title that has a (blah blah blah) next to it, breast is best if it works, if it doesn't then fed is best too
That comes from a person who combo fed and suffered DMER I still think BF is best but some people can and sone people have to adapt

I said what should be done about formula companies having a negative impact on women in third world countries some years ago.

you said encourage women to breastfeed.

how else could I have read it?

🙄 One extreme case doesn’t change the overall message.

@bubblescoop I don't feel guilty now but I did at the time.

Really? If anything, the people I know who did breastfeed had people congratulating them

Nobody is making you feel guilty but you.

I didn't feel any guilt at switching to formula. Am I supposed too ? I had a lovely long 12 hour sleep while my OH did the feeds, then she stared sleeping through from 8am - 7pm. She's now a healthy 9 year old. I didn't want to sacrifice my wellbeing for what I thought was a very small benefit. If you want to breastfeed that's great but I don't think we should.

Yes. It happens all the time.

You only see what you want to see.

Formula is acceptable. It provides the baby with the required nutrition if breast milk is not available.

Fed is the bare minimum.

Breast is not best. It's biologically normal and should be the baseline. This is why we have breastfeeding week, to try to get breastfeeding to be the baseline rather than formula.

I have formula fed two children and breast fed two children. I never faced an iota of judgement or pressure with my formula fed children and have been fairly lucky not to have had any open judgement with bf - although now I am still feeding my three year old I am getting comments that I wouldn't be getting if she drank cows breast milk. However: it was always assumed she was formula fed 'how many ounces is she on?/does she need a bottle?' Etc, because people tend to see formula as the norm.

For 'some years a ago' read 'still happening a various ways today'. It may not be so blatant p, but it’s still goes on. So encourage breastfeeding.

@Sexnotgender this! Completely this!

Ohhh I remember ‘that sleep’, I was a new woman (and a better mum if I’m honest).

No, honey. The difference is you feel guilty about not breastfeeding, but nobody comes up to you in the street and says “you awful mother not naturally feeding your baby!”

You say this, but I ended up combi fed and in my experience I got more nastiness for bottle feeding than breastfeeding. Don't get me wrong, both methods attracted unwanted comments. But bottle feeding definitely more so.

I don't say this often because I'm all for ~the sisterhood~ but I found that the most hurtful comments were from fellow mums and were about bottle feeding. Ironically the most hurtful comment about formula came when I was actually feeding my baby a bottle of expressed milk 🙃

The most irritating comments, however, were from the older generation.

@bubblescoop actually no, I was content with my decision to feed my baby formula. It's some posters on this thread who have made me feel guilty and inadequate!

I'm sick to the back teeth of people judging others for not being able to breastfeed. Do you know their full medical history? No! Then don't bloody judge.

Objectively breast is best. Somebodies inability to do it doesn't detract from that.

In practice though, there shouldn't be the stigma and the stress around it all.

One of the first posters got it right in my opinion - informed is best. Fed really is just the bare minimum.

There should be less shaming and more support available to mothers to breastfeed.

There is a whole spectrum of reasons why somebody may use formula and there is no issue with that as long as they are making an informed decision, as with all things in life, and there should be no shame or stigma attached.

But I've seen too many women and young girls bottle feeding due to either misinformation or just because they don't know anybody who breastfed and just didn't even consider it.

I suspect this thread will go badly, as they so often do, due to incredibly vocal types on both sides. Which I guess comes down to the crux of it which is that nobody should really care that much what others are feeding their babies. People need to just do what suits them and their families, but I do think they should be well informed, and if they do decide to bf I feel they should receive adequate support.

Formula has saved many many many lives.

before it was invented many babies simply failed to thrive and died.

It's indisputable that breast is best though.
More resources should be available to mothers who find it difficult as very few mothers are unable to be breast feed if they are given the support.
I don't think advocating breast feeding in any way stigmatises mother's who decide to bottle feed. Breast feeding week is designed to encourage breast feeding , even in this day and age some mothers are made to feel uncomfortable if they breastfeed, especially if it is an older baby and that is wrong. Anything that normalises and encourages that is a good thing.

Sent too soon - the most irritating comments were about breastfeeding and were from the older generation. Younger women and other mums, even strangers in the street, were very kind and supportive of breastfeeding in public in my experience.

@bubblescoop I think you’ll find women who formula feed do get abused. I was abused by a trans woman in a supermarket cafe for formula feeding my baby instead of breastfeeding her.

If you want to promote breastfeeding, it should be done in a positive and encouraging way, with lots of support. Putting down formula is not the way. 'Breast is best' is a shit slogan imo as it implies competition and hierarchy and winning/losing rather than being positive.

This captured my thought exactly. It shouldn't be a competition and the support available is woeful. Having a newborn should be a post experience not a constant battle of oneupmanship. Most women told they 'can't' BF have shockingly lacking support and are given bad, outdated advice. We should be angry about that not that a baby is being fed.

The BF/FF debate is too bogged down in emotion to have any benefit, all the 'well I couldn't bf because x, y, z so I'm going to take any bf discussion as a personal affront' isn't helpful. I feel very strongly that every woman has the choice to bf or ff, it's entirely her choice and that may change at any point but we should own it and not take shots at another woman for making a different choice. Supply issues, baby can't latch, weight loss, simply don't want to- own it, it's the right choice.

Feeding an infant is a basic requirement wherever that comes from.

Yes, formula companies have a horrific past and most are exactly the same thing but they meet strict standards and are safe a safe substitute for breast milk that should never be a source of guilt.

Etc, because people tend to see formula as the norm.

The statistics clearly show that at 6 weeks, for at least 66% of mothers, and more like 75% or 80%, formula is the norm. Breastfeeding mothers are a small minority.

nd yes, I had all the "just give him a bottle" comments, the horror from inlaws that I would do "that" in public, the "you're not STILL feeding" are you etc etc etc. Attitudinal change is not straightforward.

You are not going to get much support here OP, mumsnet are pro breast to the extreme.
I do agree with you, it’s obvious breast is best and there is no denying that, I tried and failed for three weeks to breast feed but it just wasn’t for me, the support was also rubbish. My little boy is now 7.5 months old and thriving, I’m extremely thankful for formula but I still have breastfeeding guilt.

Wow! It took one comment for this attitude and such a narrow minded comment.

Regardless of whether the science says breast is better than formula…fed is BETTER than not fed, which is the choice some have! I gave birth in the middle of lockdown. I was adamant I was going to breastfeed. I was released from hospital without it ever being observed that DS had latched on (he hadn’t). I tried and tried at home, with no visits allowed even from my mum to help us or advise! Just my and DH, first time parents with no clue and no help available. I knew something wasn’t right, I called the midwives everyday, they told me he definitely was getting milk and to keep going. He wasn’t! After a few days I cracked and cried down the phone and they eventually sent someone out to me. My milk had not come in and I had been starving my
boy…which is what I kept saying I thought was happening on the phone but was told by three different midwives under no circumstances to give him any formula. Once someone visited, he was 1% from being hospitalised from weight loss. This midwife advised me to get formula in him straight away and after that he became the happiest little baby boy! We kept trying with skin to skin and breastfeeding but my milk never came in. For us, formula was a life saver.

To suggest, as you comment does that I don’t value nutritious food is not acceptable. Fast forward 20 months and my DS loves food, especially home cooked meals. Last night he tucked into homemade prawn and salmon pie with green beans and cauliflower. He ate all of it and had strawberries and Greek yoghurt for pudding.
To make a link between formula babies and chocolate and pizza is an unhealthy attitude that makes people who were in a situation like mine blind to the fact that a feels baby is a happy baby! I will not be putting myself of my DD dues in a few weeks through the same trauma as last time and would always encourage mums to be to have the attitude that if it happens, it happens, if not oh well! As long as baby is fed and happy, you are doing a good job!