'Breast is Best'

[OddSocksandRainbowDocs]

It's National Breastfeeding Week and I've seen the phrase 'Breast is Best' banded about quite a few times.

Whilst I agree breastfeeding is scientifically better, some mothers (myself included) physically could not breastfeed so chose to formula feed instead. I was made to feel like a failure by a midwife for choosing to do so.

My little one is now one and a half. She is happy, she is healthy.

I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed, that is all that matters

I don’t get this guilt thing. I’ve heard it before but don’t get what the guilt is for. If it doesn’t work for you I don’t see reason to try to dismiss a campaign to inform mothers. There’s lots of advice that I don’t follow either because it’s difficult or I choose not to. I don’t exercise as much as recommended. It doesn’t follow that I think campaigns promoting it should stop because of my choices.

Perhaps I’ve been lucky but I’ve never had a medical professional be nasty to me. I formula fed then switched to breastfeeding but no one changed in their manner towards me.

@SnowdropsInSpring lovely eye rolling at a real story of someone’s medical trauma

you might think that’s an ‘extreme’ case but there’s many many women who for medical and psychological reasons cannot breastfeed, not just as you say ‘give up’ . Just to ask did you have a partner, family support, paid maternity leave, financial security, enough money for three meals a day etc when you had your kids and bf them? Any and all of these make things so much easier to bf. It’s such a middle class sport IMO. Therefore you need to check your privilege and realize not everyone has the same background as you.

This was my experience too, with my twins. I'm sorry for all you other mums including op who've been made to feel crap by mwives and hvisitors.. been there. It was devastating for me. Please don't dwell on it and enjoy your children.

If a mother can and chooses to breastfeed then that’s great and best for them. I do think there needs to be more support available for those mothers who want to breastfeed and encounter issues. Mothers who choose to formula feed shouldn’t feel guilt.

I was born at 27 weeks to a severely septic mother, my father was at one point given the choice of who to save! Thankfully we both survived however my mum spent a week fighting for her life and not allowed to see me for two weeks. My father fed me formula via an NG tube. My mum feels sad she never got the chance to breastfeed but this is outweighed by the fact she got to watch me grow up.

I breastfed DD1 for a month and suffered with lack of support, she had a tongue tie leading to issues with weight gain. I switched to formula and she’s now a healthy 13 year old I feel no guilt but I still believe my breast milk would have been ‘better’ as it was tailored for her.
I breastfed my second daughter and it was a much smoother journey, she is now a healthy 10 year old. I would have switched to formula if I’d needed to, again without guilt.

Yes, on a population level, it does make a difference. You couldn't pick out those differences at an individual level though.
Having said that, I don't get the guilt women feel about feeding. Why do they even feel the need to make excuses about feeding? Just not wanting to bfeed is fine, no excuse needed.
As parents, we will make loads of suboptimal choices for our children because of, you know...life. We will even put our own needs above there's at times, this is exactly as it should be, sometimes the mothers needs ARE more important than a baby Having breast milk.

My eye roll was at you and your comment. Not at the medical trauma. A one off extreme event does not change the overall truth.

This is just ridiculous. Of course breast is best for the baby. That does not mean you can't formula feed and many women choose (or perhaps more commonly are forced due to a lack of breastfeeding support) to do so. It is, of course, not the optimal choice for the baby but it is a safe and sensible option if you can't or don't want to breastfeed and is perfectly adequate. Breast is best but that does not mean there's anything wrong with the alternatives. You are in the majority if you formula feed your infant so I never get why women who do this get so worked up about the minority who do breastfeed celebrating that and raising awareness of the challenges women face.

I can't see a lot of "judgement" on here apart from those who talk about "the breastapo" and similar.

Why do you think many other countries have much higher breastfeeding rates? Do you that that there is a higher proportion of women who live in Britain that are medically unable to breastfeed?

If you're a new mum and reading this thread is making you feel like shit, just remember that none of these people know your family. None of these people will be there to support you physically or emotionally. None of these people will be there in the middle of the night to help you feed. None of these people know what's best for your baby.

@Blondbombsite I dunno, I had lots of support - went to every BF advisor (can’t remember their actual title but there were several in my city) I could find at all the different Sure Start centres locally, had private sessions with a lactation consultant, went to an NCT BF specialist a few times, phone LLL appointments, tried every cream anyone recommended, spent night feeds scrolling the BF boards on here looking for other things to try - so I’d had loads of support, what other support do you think I could have found? But after 20 weeks every feed was still agony and took 90 minutes minimum so I gave up and swapped to formula. Wish I’d done it earlier as I simultaneously dreaded every feed while also being obsessed and unable to think about much else - because y’know “breast is best”, right? I’m sure poor baby DD1 would have been better off without me sobbing through feeds and being distracted in between too. Or not, you be the judge.

@SnowdropsInSpring noticed you’re not answering the latter part of my post. Be great if the bf militants could acknowledge their privelege!

It’s not that simple.

www.nytimes.com/2022/05/10/us/baby-formula-shortage.html

Breast is how babies are meant to be fed. It's not best, it should be the standard norm. We are very fortunate that adequate substitutes are available for those who are unable to BF or choose not to.

We should be pushing for more support and education so that more women BF, not making them feel bad by pushing "breast is best" without that support.

Do you actually think anyone is disputing that formula fed babies can have achievements? Is this why people take 'breast is best' so badly?

Same link to you. It’s not that simple. 'My privilege'. It’s not ‘privileged' people who are suffering

www.nytimes.com/2022/05/10/us/baby-formula-shortage.html

19thnews.org/2022/05/baby-formula-shortage-crisis-carla-cevasco/

May 2022

Who is judging?

It is simply being pointed out that breast is best. Because it biologically, naturally and scientifically is. It’s milk designed for our individual babies. It changes depending on your babies needs.

Formula cannot come close.

Regardless of whether you formula fed because you wanted to, or because you couldn’t breastfeed, or tried and failed, whatever. It’s irrelevant. Breast is best.

You feel judged because you feel guilty that you didn’t breastfeed, but that guilt is all on you. There is no judging here.

Nah. Breast IS best. That's a simple fact. It's not a reflection on you but we don't have to deny reality to make you feel better about yourself.

Formula is fine. Breast is best.

Feelings don't change facts.

My daughter was not breastfed and she is a happy and healthy 13 year old... like you I was unable to breastfed her and she switched to bottle formula and thrived. Happiest and contented bay put on weight healthy slept like a dream never had any issues so yes I agree with you fed is best xx

@OddSocksandRainbowDocs
you’re projecting Op. scientifically breast milk is better than formula. But It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. If you can’t breast feed or choose not too then that’s up to the mother. It’s like if I had a child and they wouldn’t eat and I gave them sweets or chickens nuggets and chips everyday as opposed to a healthy meal such as meat and vegetables. The healthy meal is nutritionally better than the chicken nuggets and chips. Although it’s better for the child to be fed than to not eat a meal, you can’t say that the chicken and chips is healthier iyswim.

@Kendodd ’on a population level’ the differences in intelligence and health can be attributed to other factors than whether or not they’re breastfed. Babies in low income families tend to be formula fed. More middle class women breastfeed. Those children have much more favourable circumstances to help them flourish at school than their poorer counterparts. This all skews the data considerably.

@SnowdropsInSpring I sometimes work with vulnerable young women who have for example been in trouble for shoplifting formula or are halving formula amounts to make it stretch, I know all about the implications of formula use and financially vulnerable people. We need to make it easier for them to BF yes. As it’s free. But it’s not that easy - they might not even have stable places to sleep never mind a lovely comfy BF chair with a partner to bring them nutritional snacks whilst they do it. And if they struggle with bf do you think they will be making appointments with such middle class enclaves as NCT groups (at 300 quid for four online classes it’s a wonder anyone does bloody NCT). Or ringing their midwife for help, when they fear their baby might be taken off them? No. Easier to get the cheapest formula, get baby to settle and try and do the best they can. An unfortunate truth for many young mums in this country.

Are you comparing formula with crisps, chocolate and pizza?

It would appear she was.

I got told by a mother in Lucy and Yak dungarees once that I was feeding my child ‘junk’ by using formula. I can’t remember what I said but it was something along the lines of ‘get fucked, you intrusive twat.’

Fed is best. If you can and want to breastfeed, all power to you, if you can’t and don’t, then that is not a failing, it’s a choice.

Gosh.

I breast fed my first and formula fed my second. They're both as healthy and as smart as each other. Breastfeeding my first hasn't stopped him getting ill or having allergies etc if anything I'd argue the formula fed one got ill less often.

I think lots of women are saying the "breast is best" to make themselves feel like some sort of heroes

Just feed and love your baby that's what you can do best

The discourse around this has become so toxic. Both sides think they are the most maligned and 'guilted' but actually, however you choose to feed your baby, you will get people judging your decisions- because misogyny. We literally cannot win.

I've done both (with the same child, because I BF, found it really hard and gave up because no support, then relactated later.) When I was formula feeding, I had my mother telling me how sad it was that my baby wouldn't get the benefits of breast milk, which made me feel dreadful. When I was breastfeeding, I had grossed-out reactions in public, especially once he was no longer a tiny baby. Someone actually said to me that he might grow up with some kind of perverted breast fixation because I fed beyond a year. I was advised by a doctor to wind down breastfeeding and asked to breastfeed in a toilet.

What I'm driving at is that it's a shame women are sniping amongst each other about individual choices when really, our ire should be focused on the chronically inadequate breastfeeding support available. And the lack of accurate information. I was constantly told 'if it hurts, it's because he's not latched on right etc etc' so I instantly thought I couldn't breastfeed because it was meant to be painless. This lack of honest information gives women unrealistic expectations and I can't understand why it's spouted when it's so untrue.

If everybody who wants to breastfeed is given the support we need to do it, and everyone who is considering not breastfeeding is given the information (in a non-judgemental way) they need to make an informed choice, then we're getting it right. So I think it's counterproductive to say that public awareness of breastfeeding and its benefits are a bad thing because they make some mothers feel guilty- it's necessary because the support and information is shit, and something needs to be done about it. At the moment, what we have is 'you really must breastfeed but we're not going to give you adequate help to do it.' But I agree 'breast is best' is a ridiculous slogan for a choice that, for many women, is highly personal and nuanced.

Breast is the basic 'norm' for humans.

Formula can be an alternative when needed (medically). Medically it’s not needed as often as people claim.

society pushes formula through the sexualisation of breasts, through the pushing of formula, through the way society is built (maternity leave etc.) and through greedy money making companies.

Its the poorer who suffer.

Encouraging and supporting breastfeeding is the key (including how society is built to support to breastfeeding mothers).