'Breast is Best'

[OddSocksandRainbowDocs]

It's National Breastfeeding Week and I've seen the phrase 'Breast is Best' banded about quite a few times.

Whilst I agree breastfeeding is scientifically better, some mothers (myself included) physically could not breastfeed so chose to formula feed instead. I was made to feel like a failure by a midwife for choosing to do so.

My little one is now one and a half. She is happy, she is healthy.

I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed, that is all that matters

That should be 'plus some...' it turned into a bullet point

Why are all the super emotive posts ignoring the scientific evidence, notably sibling data, which confirms very marginal benefit?

Surely the science answers the question and then the choice is yours if you prefer to breastfeed or not.

I’ve received a few negative comments telling me my child will be ashamed of me in this thread. So yeah there is some

You seem to have some very serious issues, which you are projecting. I would seriously suggest counselling.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4603164-breastfeeding-shamed-by-my-dp

I've seen some posts basically suggesting women give up breastfeeding because its 'too hard' so they 'sack it off'. Honestly, the judgement of some people is astounding.

I said this in response to your statement that you decided to "give up the minute it got hard". Those were your words.

I Bf my first for 12 weeks and then hired a nanny and went back to work. The other two were exclusively formula fed.

They all grew up to be happy healthy and intelligent kids, altho they are no longer "kids". So, ignore the breast-stasi or the poker-faced midwife and do what works for you. It also has the advantage in that you can hand junior to somebody else while you're drinking your steaming hot Late and chomping on your muffin.

Because this:

The reason BF mothers get upset by the “fed is best” tribe is because it undermines their effort and dedication. It’s like finishing a marathon and then someone telling you you could have just taken the bus and had the same result!

Lots of women that BF, overcome significant hurdles to do so, and the idea of it being some kind of 'liquid gold' is what gets a lot of women through. A lot of this is about validating people's effort I think.

Doing all the night feeds, painful nipples, the exhaustion of being the only one that can feed a baby - many women do it because they are told its worth it.

Its also human nature to seek out data that reinforces your view - so its easy to become biased - in both directions.

These threads are always the same.

Women are cunts to each other. How bleak.

At the end of the day, your kids are going to mainline sweets at any opportunity, they’re going to mainline Golden Arches when they become tweens, they’re going to mainline booze when they get to teens, and it’s best not to think about what they’ll do when they get to uni and are in their early twenties.

Just keep your kids alive and well. They’ll undo all your efforts anyway.

And be excellent to each other. Rufus (1989).

@SnowdropsInSpring So you have found one post. One post from the whole thread. Maybe have a look through and count how many posters are criticising FF mothers.

@EasterIssland I'm sorry for that post. However, when you look through the post and see how many are critical of FF mothers, it soon adds up and that is why women are shamed about not breastfeeding.

Why are all the super emotive posts ignoring the scientific evidence, notably sibling data, which confirms very marginal benefit?

I don’t know if they are ignoring - I think the key words here are ‘very marginal’ and to some that, and I think not unreasonably, may as well mean ‘minimal’. It’s about weighing pros and cons. And some people advocating for breastfeeding seem to think no cons outweigh the pros (pros being the ‘marginal benefits’) and that’s just not a safe or sensible approach. And this insistence that women who really struggled ‘chose’ not to breastfeed, although I understand that on a technicality that may be true, is patronising and hurtful. Because to what lengths must someone go before it ‘being a choice’ becomes inconsequential? It’s like someone telling you they can’t come to work because they are ill - and you patronisingly reply ‘well no, you’re choosing to not come to work. You could come in - you might pass out at your desk or vomit all over the floor, but you can do it. Not coming in is a choice…‘
Upthread there is someone who physically couldn’t breastfeed, couldn’t afford an electric pump and so damaged both her hands by using a hand pump for six months. And I got the impression that the poster got a bizarrely misplaced and sad sense of pride from doing so. For ‘very marginal’ benefits that’s just not sensible or worth it in my opinion and no one should be made to feel like putting themselves through that should ever be necessary.

The thing is, even if there were no scientific benefits to BF whatsoever, if I had my time again, I would do it again because it was free, amazingly convenient, and I enjoyed the feeling of closeness and the bond it gave me with my dc. I have such fond memories of bedtimes feeds with my dc especially after I went back to work FT.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN I DONT THINK FF MOTHERS HAVE A BOND WITH THEIR DC but in this debate, everything positive thing anyone says about bf is seen as a personal slight against FF mothers even though that is not how it is intended.

Ok. I just think reiterating that breastfeeding is best is ignoring the actual science.

I breastfed for a while, it was difficult and I needed all the gear and lactation consultants. Then I looked at the data, wondered why I was martyring myself and stopped. If it had been super easy, I may have continued. But its like natural childbirth- nobody is going to give you a medal and your kids will be no different. Its just one of the many patronising lies sold to women in a vulnerable place.

I haven’t read the whole thread. I tried to breast feed and really really struggled. My nipples are flat and I could only get a semi latch on one. I used nipple covers (can’t remember the real name). Also my boobs became enormous, like JJ. This made it so difficult, and I started getting mastitis 4 days in. It gets my goat that there is no discussion antenatally about nipple shape and breast size. Like why couldn’t I have been given the heads up that I might struggle? I eventually used formula and my baby was fed and happy, and we both slept. It’s very easy for people to say that you just need to get through the pain of breast feeding etc, but the reality is that for some people it is not as simple as that. Formula is fine, and an excellent alternative. My mental health took such a hit when I couldn’t feed my baby, and I was lucky that my midwife helped me to decide to formula feed. Breast is not best, both are best.

The only people who go on about this are those who can't.

I have been breastfeeding my daughter for almost 2.5 years now. The only way 99% of people know I still am is if they see me whip my tits out because I don't go around shouting about it.

I don't give a flying fuck what other women feed their babies but people are forever asking me when I'm going to stop because she doesn't need it.

It's not just about nutrition. There are a million and one other benefits.

BREAST IS BEST. BUT do what you like and stop going on about it.

100 years ago, probably much less those who claim they couldn't would've been begging a neighbour to breastfeed their child because FORMULA DID NOT EXIST.

FED WILL NEVER EVER BE BEST. It's a formula. A mix of cows milk and chemicals

I will never stop going on about something I believe in. I believe that 'fed is best' and there shouldn't be the big hype around 'breast is best' that is making mothers feel like failures. You only have to look through this thread to see how many people have struggled.

If you feel so strongly about people not going on about something, maybe don't comment on something you're going to get a reply on.

I will never stop going on about something I believe in. I believe that 'fed is best' and there shouldn't be the big hype around 'breast is best' that is making mothers feel like failures.

OP I find it incredibly odd that you are so passionately committed to denigrating a national awareness week dedicated to improving the overall health of the population. Why on earth would you do this?

As many many people have pointed out, facts don't care about your feelings. No one is intending to "make mothers feel like failures" but feelings really should come second when it comes to the nation's health. Marginal benefits to individuals are significant when applied to a whole population.

I am overweight. If my GP points this out, and I get upset, that is on me. I wouldn't have a go at the GP for stating a fact.

Breastfeeding takes time to get established. You can't try for not even 1 day and then say you couldn't breastfeed. It's a shame you didn't get the support and didn't give it a go. Formula is a good back up but nothing comes close to breastmilk in terms of nutrition. It's tailor made for your baby. Formula is based on cow's milk, which is for baby cow's not humans. You are forgetting all the additional benefits for mum too.

My sister was in a ward with a new mum who's husband ended up writing "no breastfeeding for us, I'm a cancer survivor" on a piece of paper and sticking it on the end of her bed. They were in for 5 days together and every single nurse who visited asked if she was breastfeeding and started lecturing her before she could explain. Obviously they changed their stance as soon as she said she'd had a double mastectomy but that didn't help the stop of failure after their initial response.

Breast is best.

But formula is a very good substitute if you can't or don't want to breastfeed.

It's just a fact that it's best on a public health level.

We have the worst bf stats in the entire world and on a public health level it's better to try and improve this.

Just as 5 a day is better than 4 a day or more exercise is better than less.

But breast is best - and it's not about failing or not failing - it's about the way things are and not how you'd like them to be. And there's a lot of that as a parent. The compromises and realities that can make 'the best' unobtainable are peppered through their entire childhoods and you get use to playing the cards that you have and not the cards you want.

Breast if scientifically best. It’s perfectly tailored to your baby and adapts to their needs - it’s amazing stuff.
Formula is an adequate alternative, but there’s no denying the science.
I am someone who tried so hard to breastfeed my first DC. But an undiagnosed tongue tie (that was diagnosed later down the line) meant that my nips were being ripped to shreds. I pumped for 4 months until I couldn’t keep up with the demand anymore then switched to formula.
DC2 i breastfed, and it was all going well…until he became gravely I’ll due to a severe undiagnosed dairy allergy which almost killed him when I attempted to give him formula with a view to moving on to combination feeding. . It was a life or death situation, and he needed something safe to eat there and then as we didn’t have time for me to adjust my diet accordingly, so he started on special prescription formula. He guzzled it down like he’d never been fed before, and over the coming days all the horrendous symptoms disappeared, and I finally had a happy, thriving baby who was actually gaining weight.
DC3 was exclusive breastfed with absolutely no issues whatsoever, and that
continued for 2 and a half years - not a drop of formula or a bottle teat ever passed her lips.
Would you know which child had been fed which way unless I told you? No.
But the science is science. Would I have chosen formula for DC2 had the circumstances been different? Also no. But the fact that I had the option, and modern medicine enabled me to give my baby something safe to eat is something I’m ever grateful for.
As others have said, I firmly believe that “Informed is best” - hearing stories of women that have the choice taken from them due to shitty support and inadequately trained healthcare professionals boils my piss. I was one of those women first time around, and looking back with the knowledge I have now, I can see that DC1’s tongue tie was such a simple diagnosis to make and such a simple fix, I was failed by the system 🤷🏻‍♀️ just like so many others.

I will never stop going on about something I believe in. I believe that 'fed is best' and there shouldn't be the big hype around 'breast is best' that is making mothers feel like failures. You only have to look through this thread to see how many people have struggled.

Any feeling of failure is entirely you choosing to take offence at a very basic fact. Are you saying no mother should breastfeed or be given information and support to do so because it might hurt your feelings?
Of course formula fed babies (in the developed world) are fine. But it doesn't negate the fact breast milk is the optimal choice for babies, millions of years of evolution can't be ignored. It also doesn't mean that choosing to formula feed is a failure, it is what it (literally) says on the tin- a breast milk substitute.
No matter how marginal the benefits, as a PP said, on a population level it is a benefit.

There are so many awareness campaigns are you going to get butt hurt at every one of them that doesn't apply to your specific circumstances? Own your choices, stand together as women and stop tearing each other down over every little thing.

I always find this topic brings back memories of how rubbish I felt. I breastfed without thinking about it it just happened every time I don’t even remember the first attempt with each baby somehow it just happened guess I was out of it with being emergencies (another topic). I later tried to bottle feed my first because I was so desperate for sleep, it was so stressful and never happened. The experts made me feel worse and i was even in tears on a helpline one night. Later with my each baby I ended up feeling rubbish by comments made by experts and non experts about how long I was going to continue with the breastfeeding! My final point is as mums we do what we can. Don’t let a slogan get to you.