'Breast is Best'

[OddSocksandRainbowDocs]

It's National Breastfeeding Week and I've seen the phrase 'Breast is Best' banded about quite a few times.

Whilst I agree breastfeeding is scientifically better, some mothers (myself included) physically could not breastfeed so chose to formula feed instead. I was made to feel like a failure by a midwife for choosing to do so.

My little one is now one and a half. She is happy, she is healthy.

I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed, that is all that matters

I don't understand why I should breast feed to help the stats on a population level. I understand why the NHS might promote it but not why I should do something I don't want to when it'll have negligiable benefits me and my child. Surely I should be make the choice that's best for my family?

@RagingWoke At what point have I ever said that breastfeeding should not be allowed? I haven't. My original post was saying that 'Breast isn't Best, Fed is Best' and I stand by that. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding but there is nothing wrong with formula feeding either. But as usual, some posters like to tear others down to justify themselves.

As for feeling 'butt hurt', I was made to feel guilty by a midwife for not being able to breastfeed my child. Now, I know I made the right choice. However, when I'd just given birth, I was feeling exhausted and vulnerable and at that time, it did not feel right!

Sorry but this. There's no need to be personally offended at this, plenty of formula mums just get on with it. I cannot believe breast is best is news to anyone, of course it is, formula is trying to replicate it.

There is nothing wrong with formula whatsoever, it's a brilliant thing, but you don't have to chime in every time someone utters the phrase breastfeeding.

We all have to have resilience over these little things, people are going to always make different parenting choices to you.

@theveg I find it incredibly odd that after all of my posts, plus others who also FF, you still don't seem to understand why women who CAN'T breastfeed were made to feel guilty for not doing so. Breastfeeding is not the be all and end all. My little one is happy and she is healthy. Her immune system is fantastic and that is obviously not because she is breastfeed because she wasn't.

Mother's should be given the choice. If they want to breastfeed, excellent. If not, that should be encouraged also.

OP stop putting words in people's mouths and denying your own words!!

Any feeling of failure is entirely you choosing to take offence

This disingenuous claim has appeared a number of times on this thread. I think it is simplistic and inaccurate. There are BF fundamentalists who will never admit that it isn't always the best option. Nutritionally optimum, although formula is pretty close these days. But 'best' in every circumstance? Nope.

There are fanatics who tell women they just weren't trying hard enough, it would work if they really wanted it to, they can't have had enough of the right support, 'just relax', etc. Sometimes one or more of those may be true, but when you've made every possible effort, accessed all available support repeatedly, and it still isn't going well enough to feed your baby properly, then yes it is offensive to keep banging on about how breast is 'best'. Yes, women do feel devastated about it, just as you might in that situation, so why crow and rub salt into the wound?

This thread was about breastfeeding not being best, but being fed is best. If that offends some people, maybe they should 'chime in' elsewhere.

@RagingWoke - I can’t speak for anyone else, but I definitely did not ‘choose’ to be hurt by this, or to feel I had failed, or to become depressed by it. My feelings were very visceral - I felt that I was failing at the single most basic thing I should be able to do for my child - to feed them with my own milk.

Please don’t denigrate people’s very real, and painful feelings by saying we ‘choose’ to feel this way.

Breast is best, except for when it isn't, @OddSocksandRainbowDocs

I "failed" to breastfeed all of my children. I felt like a massive, horrible failure with the first one, and felt desperately guilty (not least as XH was busily telling me how breast was best, and I just needed to try a bit harder). It was one of the unhappiest weeks of my life (spent some of it in the HDU, for good measure). Things only started to look up for DC1 and for me once I started to use formula.

I spared myself the anguish with subsequent DC when breastfeeding didn't work. They are now all healthy adults.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Very well worded. I was depressed through my maternity and I didn't realise until recently. I very much blame this on the fact I couldn't breastfeed.

Hope things are better now?

Can you equally see that many are proud because they managed to do it?

Ridiculous example but this what comes to mind: There are failed footballers, athletes, actors etc up and down the country. Do we ban sports etc from our screens so that they aren't reminded that they weren't able to succeed.
Rather than focus on the lack focus on your success. As someone who miscarried more than once my greatest success isn't breastfeeding for two years, but carrying to term.

Many don't manage it. Shall we stop celebrating our children in recognition of the pain it causes those who've lost their babies or not been able to conceive at all?

No. Of course not.

@sdfsdipf9ue Thankyou for your post

Luckily, my husband was very supportive but like you, things looked up once I started on formula. I don't feel guilty now as my daughter is happy and healthy. Despite being on formula, she isn't a junk food addict as has been suggested on here and loves her fruit!

Hope things are better now?

@britneyisfree and rightly so they should be proud. However, those who didn't breastfeed should also be proud for doing something that was right for THEM.

@OddSocksandRainbowDocs breast is best. Have you any idea how low rates of breastfeeding are in the UK and Ireland ? I never understand this constant idea on mn that people are made to feel so bad re formula feeding by others , literally the vast, vast majority of mothers formula feed in the UK and Ireland. You are in very much the majority on how you fed your baby, a huge majority.
Every answer by hcps in Ireland to issues with breastfeeding is top up , top up with formula, I was even told by an actual nurse in Ireland that I should give my newborn formula to help their bowels move…., formula constipates newborns as it isn’t their natural milk. I didn’t and found her lack of education shocking tbh. Education re bf is a huge, huge problem. I constantly see new mothers who are convinced they aren’t producing enough milk in the early days as their baby is fractious and feeding all day , this is absolutely standard, cluster feeding activity, it’s totally natural. There is a world of difference between bf and bottle feeding , one is highly processed and from a totally different mammal to mammal, one isn’t and is the same mammal with antibodies adjusted to illness the baby may encounter, it even shapes the jaw of a babies face differently; obviously all this is healthier, that is an absolute fact whether you want to hear it or not. Organically produced food is better than highly processed food. Do people read the ingredients and salt content in formula?
Obviously if someone can’t , doesn’t want to , health issues , didn’t get correct support. hates it etc at least there is an alternative and that’s obviously really great but I think what was supposed to be a back up is now the main form of nutrition for new babies and I’m allowed to say that I don’t think that’s a good thing.
I’m sorry you weren’t supported properly op and you absolutely shouldn’t feel guilty but with bf rates staggeringly low I think that bf should be promoted and highlighted.

@britneyisfree Sorry to hear about your loss too. Hope things are better now?

This shouldn’t be a breast feeding vs formula feeding debate though. It should be a battle cry for support. Breast is best, and women should be given the support to do that. If you choose to formula feed that’s entirely your choice and one I support, but the choice shouldn’t be based on lack of support.

Yabu. I breastfed my son and am currently breastfeeding my second baby and I'm proud of it. Breastfeeding is an incredible thing and it should be celebrated.

I think formula is great but do I think this to the extent that breastfeeding should be kept hush hush in case it offends someone. No I don't.

I had zero relationship with my father besides a traumatic and abusive few months but I don't think Father's Day should be banned.

Breastfeeding rates / attitudes are shit in this country and anything to promote breastfeeding should be encouraged and allowed imo.

@bakewellbride Who said anything about it being kept hush hush?

Who said anything about it being kept hush hush?

You did.

When? When did I say it should be kept hush hush?

@OddSocksandRainbowDocs "I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case"

Having to change breast is best to fed is best.

You are objecting to a national campaign promoting the benefits of breastfeeding.

@theveg exactly

@theveg @bakewellbride How is that saying it should be 'hush hush'? I was telling people that 'breast is best' isn't the best but 'fed is best' is. Nowhere did I say we shouldn't talk about breastfeeding. Assuming much?

‘Fed is best’ isn’t true though.