How many children is a lot of children?

[Charlavail]

I was just reading about someone with 12 children. I feel guilty about spreading my attention and money 2 ways. Maybe a "lot" is different depending on your finances or network? Anymore than 4 I would consider a lot.

it’s also my experience that parents with lots of kids are ‘baby people’ - they like the cute baby stage, and lose interest when they hit about 2, and then simply pop out another

Sounds like my grandmother. She had a baby obsession and had 13 of them. My mum was the oldest girl and when a new baby was born, the others got dumped on my mum. She spent her childhood caring for toddlers and didn't get much time to have fun or be a child herself.

I have four and I don't think it's a lot. They're all different ages so their needs are different and they often don't all want something at the same moment. There is a clash at times but that helps them learn to wait, and consider others. I am up late at night doing parenting stuff and always have been, but I don't moan about it as it's what I wanted. I love them all and they bring a lot of joy. I know parents of 3-5 children who spend loads of time with their kids and are totally dedicated, and parents of 1-2 who I don't think are very good parents (and am relieved they don't have any more as one I know seems so overly strict and unreasonable with his kids). I also know parents of 1-2 kids who are very good and responsive. I think it depends on the individual. And judgemental comments says a lot about the person who is making that comment!

I think your on the defence. People from. Larger families themselves will naturally share their experience and it's quite common that those from bigger families end up with less kids. Then people who are only themselves or from a small family often have bigger families.

Truly a lot, +4. However I would find more than 2 a lot!

Of course there are exceptions @LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus and we are only speaking in anecdotal/very general terms. And to be honest not that many of us end up with the family size we wanted, or thought we would have - infertility, twins, surprise pregnancies, losses, not meeting the right man, divorces etc.

some people are very judgey of anyone who has more than 2 ‘because of the environment’ forgetting that even better for the environment would be none, or one 🤔

some people are very judgey of parents with onlies for being ‘selfish and depriving them of siblings’.

some people are very judgey of mums full stop and ‘don’t like kids, don’t see why anyone would want one tbh’.

the only families I ‘judge’ are the ones with 6+ children - I really don’t think anyone needs that many, it doesn’t serve any purpose and (through my own quite substantial experience) is not great for the kids. 3 or 4 however I think is nice, a little gang but still just about manageable in terms of quality parenting.

like I said I have an only, would love her to have a sibling, and hope it will happen soon 😢

but I can’t take offence at anything on here as it’s a subjective discussion which I am willingly partaking in. That’s the point of these threads - if you are easily offended, it’s probably best not to take part.

Soon any number above 2 will be considered a lot.

Well my kids (1 and 5) are currently playing musical instruments so any feels like a lot currently 😂 under normal (quieter!) circumstances I’d say that more than 3 is a big family

I have a friend like that too. By the time she reached adulthood she felt as if she had already raised kids (her younger siblings) and she was determined she would never do that to her children.

That is the problem when you fire out baby after baby and they are all young and don't think ahead to the attention and resources older children will need and deserve.

My dad asked my brother to think about leaving home at 18 because with 5 of us all becoming tween/teens the house was simply becoming overcrowed and noone had any privacy.

More than 3 because that’s when you’re looking at a larger than average house/car etc. 5 and up I find a bit shocking these days.