How many children is a lot of children?

[Charlavail]

I was just reading about someone with 12 children. I feel guilty about spreading my attention and money 2 ways. Maybe a "lot" is different depending on your finances or network? Anymore than 4 I would consider a lot.

1 unusual
2 or 3 average / usual
4 or more a lot / more than average

More than 2, very few families can provide well for more than 2 children.

I have a friend with 4 who is always complaining she can’t afford to take them all on holiday (ballet, swimming, days out etc). I smile and nod my head in sympathy but really am aghast that she did not foresee any of this. She lives in this bubble of a big family is a happy family, whilst currently considering number 5.

once you get over 2 it’s typically putting the parents needs before the child’s. Unless you are wealthy you cannot give a good well rounded life with financial support when it is needed to more than 2 children.

I would consider more than 3 a lot generally, but personally I would not want more than my 2!

3 or more

More than two. You only have two hands, lol. I am one of three and I never understood it!

We lived in a village where there were 4 brothers who were all married and each family had between 11 and 13 kids. The generations were all overlapping and at village school there was one last who was uncle to other kids. This family kept our village school going for years as it had less than 80 kids and many from this family. I was quite close to one of the mums and felt bad that I found 3 hard work and she was pregnant with her 13th !!

lad, not last

once you get over 2 it’s typically putting the parents needs before the child’s. Unless you are wealthy you cannot give a good well rounded life with financial support when it is needed to more than 2 children

You're the second person to say something like this. It's such a bizarrely sweeping statement - for one reason, how many children you can bring up "well" varies massively depending not just on income, but also lifestyle, work, location, family support, energy, health, emotional bandwidth, relationship strength, etc etc, and second, there has never been a decision to have a child that isn't at heart about meeting the parent's needs!

@SayMyNameNotMyName well said! Dh was one of 4 and is in a clinical nhs role with a lot of responsibility! He did well at uni and is also a great dad. His mum was a single mum with no money but she loved him and raised him as best as she could. Far more important than any amount of holidays or days out.

3 is kinda borderline a lot
4 or more definitely a lot

I think of more than 3 as a lot.

I have 3 and that's plenty! We're always outnumbered and when nieces/nephews visit it's slightly overwhelming 😅

3

Hi also my first summer holiday with three 😀 have a great summer x

And in my opinion more than 4 is a lot of children.

More than 2, 1 is more than enough for me.

I really agree with the comments about ages. Having 2 or 3 young children close together can feel like so much more that having say 5 children but huge age gaps.

If one child is in their twenties and the other a newborn is that still classed as too many children as technically the oldest isn't a child anymore?

I don't have 5 children, I am just using it as an example.

I think 4 probably is the start of thinking about a large family for most people as it is easily above the average, rather than the 'maybe just one more?'

Not that I think that a large family is a bad thing. It all depends on the parents capabilities. I have known some appalling parents to just one child.

I have three and it's felt like a lot this week! (Holiday, tweens and teens).

I think when you're outnumbered,

@bakewellbride Your MIL sounds like she did a great job 😊

More than three.

@Yourstory the only thing with gaps between 4 kids is that the kids are wanting to do different things though! I've got a 10 and 13 gap and then just under 3 years age gap between my siblings.

Depends more on the ages and how close together they are.
I know a lady with twelve. Every time I see her she's doing some version of school/nursery run, its exhausting just watching.

I am one of four (Catholic family)
Next door either side have eight and ten respectively. They are not happy households.

I am the oldest of 9, I am in my 20s and the littlest ones are still in primary school- we feel like an awful lot, especially now me and one of my sisters have children of our own, we cannot all fit in the same room, cannot fit in a car together etc

But I guess its perspective for most people, my friend is an only child and has an only child and feels overwhelmed when her son brings one friend home as it feels like too many children.
Whereas a couple extra kids in the mix wouldn't phase me at all. I think its a lot of kids when you could make a netball team, and then its too many when you could form two 5-a side teams to play each other.

Too many children is one more than you personally have.

I have 4 and it does raise eyebrows. We had 2 close together, a larger gap, then another 2 closer together. To be honest, it felt like a lot when they were small, but it doesn't now. My eldest is 15, youngest is 8. My teens are pretty much self sufficient and the youngest are becoming a lot more independent now too.

I won't pretend the 'you can't give 4 a proper life/enough attention' really fucking irritating though. If we can task a teacher with 30 then we can task 2 parents with 4 children FFS. Mine want for nothing (including their own bedroom each) and have a supportive, loving family unit with two functioning parents. I am an only child who was never, ever prioritised over fags/alcohol/what my parents wanted to do in life. My children are infinitely happier and less mentally fucked up.