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Original poster

Heartbreak by a thousand small cuts

135 replies

PlantPhoenix · 25/07/2022 06:37

DH was admitted to our local hospice on Friday. He has terminal brain tumours. His short term memory is not great and he is really confused, not dissimilar to dementia.

He's just called me. It was so nice to answer that call because he hasn't shown any interest in his phone for a couple of weeks. He sounded almost normal when he greeted me. And then he started talking about going to work. And asking where I work. And didn't ask about the kids. This is so fucking painful.

OP posts:
Mamette · 25/07/2022 06:40

That sounds so hard. I’m so sorry Flowers

katmarie · 25/07/2022 06:41

I don't have any words of wisdom to offer you, but I can hear the pain in your post, and I wanted to say something so that you know you're not alone. I am so sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine how hard it is.

Hippywannabe · 25/07/2022 06:46

I am so sorry. Come on here when you need to vent. There will always be someone to listen x

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WonderingWanda · 25/07/2022 07:05

I'm sorry for all that you are going through, so tough for you. Sending love and strength x

nca · 25/07/2022 07:21

I am so sorry.

LadyCampanulaTottington · 25/07/2022 07:25

Oh love, that sounds absolutely heartbreaking. Keep talking here, we’re listening xxx

Heatstrokeunsteady · 25/07/2022 07:28

I am sorry OP. 💐

ThreeRingCircus · 25/07/2022 07:35

I'm so sorry OP. It's absolutely horrendous, and unfair. As above come here and share or vent if you need to. There are always people here that will hand hold or listen.

Original poster
PlantPhoenix · 25/07/2022 07:47

I've got to go out and buy him some more joggers and then gear up to see him.

Whether he'll know I'm me is up for debate, whether I'll get told off for leaving him alone is a 50/50 chance. He'll certainly talk about needing to go home, but he was doing that last week when he was at home. We've had months to prepare for this and thankfully had the time to discuss this, he wanted to go to the hospice, he didn't want the kids to see him die at home. I know I'm doing as we agreed but it's still so hard to hear.

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 25/07/2022 07:53

It is an incredibly hard road and you doubt yourself over and over again even though you know you are doing what they want. Wishing you strength to get through this impossible time.

Goatinthegarden · 25/07/2022 08:04

That sounds excruciatingly difficult. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this op.

I know it doesn’t make much difference, but I’m thinking of you. I went through similar with my dad last year and the hospice staff were phenomenal; I hope you get similar help at your hospice.

SophieHasOneQuestion · 25/07/2022 08:16

So sorry about this op. Sending you a hug.

LumpyandBumps · 25/07/2022 08:22

I couldn’t read this and not say something.
You write so well and your pain is very obvious.
I can’t offer anything more than a handhold, except to say you are doing what DH wanted.
When you get brief periods of DH, rather than the part of him being taken over by his terrible condition, I hope you are able to have a moment of certainty that you are doing the very best you can.
Take care.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 25/07/2022 08:23

I’m so very sorry.

gollygumdrops · 25/07/2022 08:24

I’m so sorry OP. Sending hugs 💐

bloodyunicorns · 25/07/2022 08:24

You poor love. Do you have IRL support? Make the most of it.

And your poor dh.

Wishing you strength. 💐

HyperionWarbonnet · 25/07/2022 08:26

Try not to take the things he says to heart. It's hard but try and remember the past not the present.

PinkPanther50 · 25/07/2022 08:26

I’m so sorry. Not the same I know but my mum had dementia and it hurts like hell when they don’t recognise you. Just keeping telling yourself that he still knows and loves you, he just can’t get the words out 💐

seven201 · 25/07/2022 08:53

My mum died quits young from brain cancer/tumours. It's such a hard thing to have to watch and endure. Love and strength to you and your family.

Beetr00t · 25/07/2022 12:08

How painful it must be to hear him confused. Sending you lots of strength from an internet stranger. x

DelphiniumBlue · 25/07/2022 12:10

So hard for you.

Original poster
PlantPhoenix · 10/08/2022 17:41

I'm so sad today. My second visit and so little in the way of conversation, even confused conversation. It's so hard to keep showing up not knowing what you'll get.

The kids were away for a week until yesterday (trying to give them some semblance of a holiday), visited this morning and he barely acknowledged them.

OP posts:
Pollywoddles · 10/08/2022 18:08

I’m so sorry @PlantPhoenix

My lovely Dad has just being diagnosed with cancer and it’s already in his brain. I’m dreading the next few months but from reading your posts I know I’m going to have to prepare for this and make the most of him as he is now.

Shrewsbury247 · 10/08/2022 18:32

My goodness this must be horrendous for you all 😢 Sending love and strength, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 💐

Original poster
PlantPhoenix · 10/08/2022 18:47

I've just realised my last message makes it sound like I've only visited twice since he went in! My second visit today. I've been here at least 4 hours every day, usually in two shifts.

@Pollywoddles I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. And I'm sorry if I'm making you face realities you'd rather not 🤗. Brain cancer is shit.

OP posts: