Sister's boyfriend thinks I need some ambition

[PotteryMap]

Just feeling a bit low about what he said

DSis has a new boyfriend, been together a few months. Met him for the first time last week.

He came for a Sunday roast (my parents did him a Vegan one especially as he's on a flexi diet)

He was telling us about how he's been saving for a house since the age of 17. He's now 25.

He asked me about my house, said it was really lovely. I said oh you've seen! He said it was my sister showing pics

He asked how much my mortgage was per month. I said it was not mortgaged, but an assured tenancy through a housing association. It's a lifetime tenancy property

He asked when I would be buying. I said I probably never will - it has 3 beds. It is a lifetime tenancy.

He said 'yes but won't you be looking to better yourself and buy something eventually' I said that isn't obtainable really. The house is mine due to my son's disability. I will be a carer for as long as I physically can for him. And it's my daughters home too

He said 'I think you lack ambition Rach. You have potential'

My sister nodded along!

It was left at that and then no further digs were made at me. But I still feel a bit sad about it

No point to this thread really other than to voice my feelings

OH God please tell me she's not that into him. You can not be made to have that in your life forever

You'll end up being one of those episodes of women who kill where everyone nods along saying its all justified.

Next time, please get your parents to cook everyone else delicious stale and make but serve him a purposely b l a n d bean stew. Watch the tantrums ensue.

*side note, vegan food can be very delicious and I often cook vegan food. My point was just to illustrate how he’s not an actual vegan.

Well the good thing is you know what he's like now

Next time you can have some real fun with him

Start grilling him on his 'potential' - why is he still saving for a house after 8 years?

Will he have bought his house before he adopts?

Why isn't he a proper vegan?

Etc etc

I'd be loving it tbh
But I am in my 50s and operate within zero bullshit tolerance these days 🤣

Sister's bf needs some manners.

You never have to answer nosy questions.

Use the, "what an odd thing to ask." combined with the look and dead silence.

So you have a lovely, secure ,lifetime home ? Who would risk that for a mortgage where things could go so so very wrong? For what? A piece of paper? To prove you're a "proper" adult? Is he still "saving"?

Nothing to feel bad about. He's a stupid ass (probably jealous)twat and you should've laughed in his face.

Imagine meeting your sisters boyfriend for the first time, then he proceeds to ask you your mortgage payments 🤣 wtf? That in itself would be a red flag and I would have had a serious word with my DP after we left the dinner. The fact he doesn't know you and said you lack ambition is quite presumptive?

I wonder If your sister has been telling him things.

So you are only 25? It sounds as though you are quite a bit older actually. If you are 25 then you don't know how your future will look or whether you will want to stay in your current home forever. I don't think he sounds that bad actually. When you think of the thousands of cocklodgers we see on here, he is just trying to be financially stable and invest in his future. I would just think that he has no clue about your lifestyle and how difficult it would be for you to do the same thing as him. That's just immaturity on his part though.

He honestly sounds so thick
Hopefully your sister works that out quickly, he's going to be the butt of family jokes for years to come by the sound of it!

Man sounds like a mannerless twat. I wouldn't give him any more headspace

He needs to grow up if she made him
A vegan meal because he's flexi. He should've moved his vegan day to another day to avoid putting his girlfriends parents out.

Yeah, I'd be willing to put (real) money on that.

As PPs have said, hopefully he'll be gone soon and you and your family can spend happy times laughing about the sanctimonious, self-important, pseudo-vegan twat with delusions of IFA.

International adoptions can cause huge trauma to the children who are essentially sold and ripped from their home culture.

Air mileage pfft

Oh god, lets hope it doesn’t last. Feel for you, he’s just cringe.

"Thank you for your opinion random man"

A phrase I wish I'd known earlier in life...

He’s taking his own aspirations and projecting them into you and he can’t understand why you don’t want to do what he would do in your situation. He has probably given not a moment’s thought to how it feels like to be a carer.

I would say thoughtless and lacking in empathy. He sounds young.

No clue.

Buying a house is paying rent in a lump sum. People do this for security. At surveyor school, we are taught how to do the sums on this, as they are related.

A lifetime tenancy is like gold dust. It's secure. You know your outgoings for life. Yes, you may not accrue capital but you don't need to outlay it either & maintenance is included.

People go on about renting being more expensive, this is why. If we didn't have a silly housing market, there would be no advantage in buying. It was how most people lived prior to the 20 century.

Ignore the twat.

Can they send the orphan by train? Would that ease his conscience?

Ignore him. Baffling that he thinks it’s okay to say that the first time he met you. When I met DH’s family for the first time I barely spoke😂

He sounds spectacularly tedious and thinks he's so worthy.

He sounds hilarious...and well overdue for a bloody great wake up call.

Just ignore the tosser, it's none of his business anyway.

I mean, he's young, and thinks he knows everything. Along with the motivation quotes he's properly cringy. Don't take a person like that seriously!

He reminds me of white saviour Barbie.

Barbie challenges the 'white saviour complex' www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-36132482

Don't justify yourself to him again.
Who the fuck does he think he is?
You owe him no explanations.

HNRTT but might be an idea in future to ask the questions rather than answer his. If he asks then a really? that's nice and so on. I wouldn't share anything and tell your family the same. Suspect your instincts are true and hopefully your sister realises before she becomes enmeshed.

"Thank you for your opinion random man"
"Thank you for your unsolicited and moronic opinion random silly boy" on a bad day.