I agree with you op. There is a narrative of dissatisfaction and (sorry to say) self pity on line ATM which teenagers and young adults are lapping up uncritically. Again, obviously, I am not talking about situations where parents are abusive. I know so many teens and young adults from comfortable, decent, homes with loving parents, the latter having made considerable sacrifices for their dc, who take virtually no personal responsibility for their actions and blame the majority of life's difficulties on their parents.
I also feel that the parenting pendulum has swing too far from "respectfully fearful" and "benign neglect" in the 60s and 70s to "completely child focused" and "lacking in respect" today. Yes, respect has to be earned and the best mantra for parenting imho is still "example, example, example" as children tend to do what you do and not what you say. I am not sure that our current, very intense, obsessively child focused parenting has done our children many favours because many teens suffer a horrible shock when they enter the real world and discover that the terms are not attuned so favourably towards them.
I am always harping on about this but children are taught about "self fulfillment", "self care", "self confidence" (all good things) without being taught to think of others, the opposite pov to their own, or to examine their own consciences from time to time. I suppose religious education once filled that role, and spoke about personal and moral responsibility, but at the same time, turned people off with its own lack of credibility.
Many people won't agree but I think the current rhetoric of "you have to love yourself in order to love others" has been taken to extremes. How many of us genuinely love ourselves when it comes down to it? Who is putting the opposite, old fashioned view, that doing things for others, in a balanced way, can actually be very rewarding and make you feel good? The notion of sacrifice or "being kind" is viewed with suspicion by psychologists and social narrators alike and imbued with all sorts of dark motives, when sometimes, genuine kindness to others, can be just that, enough in itself.
Also, I think life lived too much on line can have damaging consequences! Another area where balance is key. So little energy, creativity and perseverance is required to tap on a keyboard. Real life is so much messier, more complicated, more demanding. The stark contrast between the two is fuelling a mental health crisis in our young.
Now I do feel that teens and young adults genuinely had a completely awful time during Covid, where their needs were largely ignored, and they are now being told to get stuck in, as if nothing happened. And I have huge sympathy for their foreboding over climate change and lack of optimism over home ownership, job security, access to decent health care and public services. And of course it is virtually impossible to convey to teens and young adults how grim and grey - materially and culturally speaking - life could in the 70s. And at the same time, they seem to have little awareness as to how fortunate they are in many ways having access to the Internet, better nutrition, travel, a vast array of material goods, such as clothes, at affordable prices. There is a lack of balance!
I don't know what the answer is. On the one hand, having children is a selfish act and I agree they don't owe us anything. On the other hand, one would hope that, within a well functioning family, bonds of love and loyalty would keep you close and concerned about one another. I don't think you need to live in one another's pockets to achieve this though. Far too many parents seem overbearingly selfish in what they expect of their adult children. I hope not to need the help of my children at any age, unless frailty or ill health makes that essential, but even then we are doing our best to make financial provision for that. I subscribe to the view that if your adult child is well adjusted and independent enough to be off living a full and engaged life then your parenting has been successful. Again, balance is key! We often only find out who genuinely loves us when we are ill or suffer an emergency of some sort. Other than that, live and let live is my motto. I certainly won't be putting any sort of moral obligation on my adult children to come and visit us once they are living independently. If they choose to do so because they want to, that's good enough for me!