Mumsnet – I think I love you
Etiquette can be learned, there’s much written on this
Mrs Post told Americans what they should like.
Mitford’s u and non u took upper middle-class piss
While her sister cheered on the Third Reich.
So, what is to guide 21st century girls
In social dealings, online media, Real Life?
Mumsnetters have a phrase for it, Clutches her Pearls
When respondents use words like housewife.
Stay At Home Mum is for who cooks, cleans and sweeps
But if it’s a man Stay At Home Dad’s more precise.
If your bloke is lazy, watches porn, eats and sleeps
Ditch the Cocklodger watching online vice.
What Would You Do? seeks advice when someone at home
Gambles family income away, and tells lies.
Couple’s counselling may have good outcomes for some
But if hopeless, Leave The Bastard applies.
If your MIL causes trouble and FIL gives support
SIL and BIL intervene but your DH does nowt
Take a Spa Day, go treat yourself at a resort
But you’ve a big DH Problem, throw him out.
WTF has gone global, we know what it means
WTActualF escalates one more stage.
When discussion heats up, you are told to ODFOD
CF neighbours must FOTTFSOF in a rage.
Acronyms avoid boredom, speed narrative flow
Fresh juxtaposition means avoiding cliché.
But what’s with this swearing, I really don’t know
Why is bugger forbidden, but fuck is OK?
If all language is fluid then this is the pot
In which real life and invention can stew.
Women foment revolution, bemoaning their lot
Log on to Mumsnet to change your world view.
Glossary of Terms
BIL = Brother in Law, CF = Cheeky Fucker, DD = Dear Daughter, DH = Dear Husband, DS = Dear Son, DSD = Dear Stepdaughter, DSS = Dear Stepson, DW = Dear Wife, FIL = Father in Law, Fottfsof = Fuck Off To The Far Side Of Fuck, Fottfsofatfosm, in extremis, Fuck Off To The Far Side Of Fuck And Then Fuck Off Some More, MIL = Mother in Law, Odfod = Oh Do Fuck Off Dear, SIL = Sister in Law, Wtf = What The Fuck, Wtaf = What The Actual Fuck