Sitting here like Piffy on a rock bun....

[Greensleeves]

One of my DC is fascinated by weird and inexplicable English idioms - the one in the title being our current favourite example! Also love "looking like the wreck of the Hesperus". Could anyone indulge me with other bizarre and colourful idioms, regional or otherwise?

‘Sat /stood there like cheese at fourpence’, meaning something unwanted.

Gosh we use the Piffy one - from DHs side - do you know much about it?

Like Patience on a monument

Eyes (or other things 😂) like chapel hat pegs

some extra Northern ones for you:

it’ll be a pig’s foot in the morning

you’ve got more than Soft Joe

Whats a piffy?

Standing with your two arms the same length.

Ears (hearing) like a shithouse rat.
We had Soft Mick rather than Soft Joe, but same meaning - to have more of something than him meant you had a lot of it.
”As old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth” in answer to enquiries about your age.

"Face like a slapped arse" always makes me giggle.

Laugh to see a pudding roll.
Have your guts for garters.
That won't butter no parsnips.

Yes! We had “a face like a bag of slapped bums” 🤣

Ah, Wreck of the Hesperus was a favourite of my Nan back I was little in the 70s.
Also a favourite, I’m not as green as I’m cabbage like - IE I’m not as stupid as I look.

Here he comes with as many feet as a hen, or in the case of DCat, two hens.

My parents/grandparents always used to say Soft Mick!

If I ever wanted anything: "no, you've got more toys than Soft Mick!"

Who is Soft Mick?!? Why has he got so much stuff?
When I was little I assumed that it was a shop 🤔.

Well, I’ll go to the foot of our stairs! Meaning I’m rather surprised and taken aback

I'll go to the foot of my stairs

What’s that got to do with price of fish

Ears like a robbers dog.

These are BRILLIANT my language-obsessed DC is delighted and is frantically googling them all!

You’d laugh if your grandmother’s arse was on fire.

Wouldn’t stop a pig in an entry . To describe someone with bow legs .
Cold as a witches tit .. self explanatory.

“It’s black over Bill’s mother’s” - when dark clouds are massing on the horizon, threatening rain.

When I asked my dad what was for dinner, sometimes he’d just say ‘wait and see’ but other times his answer was “lob scouse and buttered candlesticks”.

She/He would skin a fart for a ha’penny.

"You shape like a penn'orth of sore toes."
(When you were being a bit cack-handed).

Going right round the Wrekin

Popping to the outdoor

Rough as a badger's arse (ill).
Like a matchstick with all the wood scraped off (skinny).
That won't buy the baby a new bonnet (stop feeling sorry for yourself).

It makes your tabs laugh.