Sitting here like Piffy on a rock bun....

[Greensleeves]

One of my DC is fascinated by weird and inexplicable English idioms - the one in the title being our current favourite example! Also love "looking like the wreck of the Hesperus". Could anyone indulge me with other bizarre and colourful idioms, regional or otherwise?

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

My mum and nanna would say ‘ Piffy on a rock bun ‘ .
Presume it’s a Manchester thing ?

If you are fidgeting, you are described as being 'like a fart on trespass '.

We've always said 'Piffy on a rock cake' but probably best to not get into the cake/bun debate as that leads into the barm cake one and we'll be here all day 😂 some other's;

'If (insert event here) happens I'll show my arse at Marketgate' translation: That something is unlikely.

'Up those dancers' translation: go upstairs.

'Face like a bucket of whelks' translation: someone is not conventionally attractive.

'Always together them two, like the cheeks of my arse' translation: two people are in cahoots. Probably for nefarious reasons.

'It's like Blackpool illuminations in here' translation: Turn those bloody lights off!

'It's a gert big 'un is that' translation: something is large.

'I'd sooner feed him for a week than a fortnight!' translation: Someone is large. Our family usually use this in connection with very big dogs.

Kick one, they all limp description of a tightly-knit group of people who are not friendly to newcomers.

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight
Red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning

Or my personal favourite version -

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight
Red sky in the morning - Birkenhead's on fire.

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey was always my favourite growing up, as I thought it was a bit crude! Turns out a brass monkey is an iron plate that cannonballs were kept on war ships and when it was cold the iron would contract and the balls would go rolling about!

Once your sons has checked all these out, he should search Scottish idioms, we’ve got a fair few hilarious ones!

You’re dc might like the ‘rule’ about orders of adjectives too. When I get in later I’ll see if I can find a link.

Your!

My mother says Venus on a rock bun which I’ve never heard anyone else say ever.

We had ‘You should have had red hair and been called Rufus’ if you did something to be proud of.

i think this one is specific to our family… my mom was a teacher and in the early 70s was working in a school in a deprived area. One parent’s evening she was delivering good news about a child who was the youngest (and brightest) of about 6 siblings in school. The child’s mother was overcome and tearfully exclaimed ‘Eee that’s grand! If I knew who ‘is father was I‘d tell ‘im!’

so if my brother or I ever did anything fantastic we’d get ‘if I knew who your father was I‘d tell him!’

@UnicornPug , so funny !
The first time I heard 'piffy on a rock bun' was when I was teaching and a fellow teacher on play duty was failing to get the children lined up. All of a sudden she screamed, ' I am standing here like piffy on a rock bun....!!'
Everyone, including the children, stopped and laughed. Guess it got their attention 🤣

If I don't see you through the week I'll see you through the window.

Thas more front than Blackpool

You need to change your butcher

I'll see you right when I get my new glasses.
If it's free have two. (This was the stock answer of a lovely mate of mine when you offered him anything. He used to, as well, the bugger!)
All behind like the cow's tail.
Skenning (squinting) like a basket of whelks.
They'd mar another couple - two people who were not, shall we say, much liked.

I've seen more fat on a greasy chip ( what someone would say to someone else who felt that they looked fat.)

Another Mancunian here and these are reminding me of so many expressions from my youth:
Piffy on a rock bun ✔️
Billy-no-mates
Fair words butter no parsnips
Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick
It's like Blackpool illuminations/Piccadilly Circus in here
He/she's got more front than Blackpool (Someone who pushed their luck or was a CF)
Going to see a man about a dog (usually meant my father was going to the pub)

For someone being a bit dozy - 'like a fart in a trance'.

She/he/it/they are all fur coat and no knickers.

Well I'll go t'foot of our stairs.

"Were you born in a barn?" - said when someone leaves a door open

"Is your fatha a glass mekker?" - said when someone is standing in front of you blocking your view (usually of the tv)

My grandmother used to say “a wigwam for a goose’s bridle”. I wonder what a wimwam was?

UnicornPug My dad always said I was Venus on a rock cake when I got out of the bath with nothing on!

What will I get for Christmas?
" a doll, a drum, and a kick up the bum" from dh grandad b. 1912

My mil says that too. Her family were originally from the West Midlands.

This wasn’t the link I was thinking of I seem to have lost that, but it’s the same thing.
twitter.com/mattandersonnyt/status/772002757222002688?s=21

Love these. Some of mine…
Couldn’t stop a pig in a passage.
Couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo.
Game as a bagel (pronounced bye-gul)
Do I look like I came down in the last shower?
And the band played believe it if you like.
Soft as a bunch of lights.
If the wind changes you’ll stay like it.

I could ride bare-arsed to Bradford on that (blunt knives)
Up my arse on the second shelf (when you can't find something)
My stomach thinks my throat's been cut
I could eat a man off his horse and the horse as well