Sitting here like Piffy on a rock bun....

[Greensleeves]

One of my DC is fascinated by weird and inexplicable English idioms - the one in the title being our current favourite example! Also love "looking like the wreck of the Hesperus". Could anyone indulge me with other bizarre and colourful idioms, regional or otherwise?

ive always loved ‘do you think I’m buttoned up the back?’

I love 'I've seen more meat on a butchers pencil' which works either for something that should have meat in but the quantity is a concern (eg a pie) or for a very thin person

One from France about someone up themselves
Il pense qu'il peut péter plus haut que son cul

He thinks he can fart higher than his arse

Peggy Martin probably related to '...all my eye and Betty Martin'

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/all_my_eye_and_Betty_Martin

'I wouldn't show him a bird's nest' - someone very untrustworthy.

Gordon Bennett!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordon_Bennett_(phrase)

Wouldn’t stop a pig in a ginnel round here

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp, or a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

• looking cross or miserable, or just ugly.

I couldn't get my hat on!

• I was surprised

I'd rather stab myself in the eye with a biro

• I don't want to do that

All fur coat and no knickers.
Who d'you think you are .. Stirling Moss?

Hahaha probably!! Maybe Peggy and Betty were related

My Nana used to say this all the time

Im glad you said this, my dad always said to me, 'you'd laugh to see a pudding crawl' and no one else knows this phrase at all.

And 'you'd trip over a matchstick'

'She'd frittin a police horse' - Lancs.

All fur coat and no knickers

the pleasure’s mine, the baby’s yours!

couldn’t blow the skin off a rice puddin’

known you before you were a twinkle in your Dad’s eye!

(Of busy/officious person):

He buzzes around like a fart in a colander

Thick as two short planks
Red hat and no knickers

Was soft Ned for me

Me : “Where’s Mom?
Dad: “ She’s gone mad about a shooter”
Translated as “She’s gone mad and I had to shoot her”
Me : “Err…. Ok…”
WTAF????

Couldnt punch his way out of a wet paper bag

He's all mouth and no trousers
Its like the Mari Celeste in here (normally said in the office at 4pm on a Friday)

When a child asked but why?
Because Y isn't a Z

Oh and my Grandad always used to say he was 'going to see a man about a dog' (which meant he was going off to do something he shouldn't!)

Your arse in parsley

I used to get:

Well, you know what thought did - followed a muck cart and thought it was a wedding!

Guts for garters.

Stop acting't goat (stop being silly).

Yep, my mum used to reply that to me all the time!

Also: "It's not fair!"
"Why? It's not raining."