Sitting here like Piffy on a rock bun....

[Greensleeves]

One of my DC is fascinated by weird and inexplicable English idioms - the one in the title being our current favourite example! Also love "looking like the wreck of the Hesperus". Could anyone indulge me with other bizarre and colourful idioms, regional or otherwise?

It's Toc H - a religious organisation, so the lights are low (in a holy kind of way).
My Dad always said "he went base over apex" rather than "arse over tit" - very polite, my Dad.
And on DH's side, someone who is "two shades lighter than a bucket of whitewash" would describe someone acting light as a kite - or giddy.

She's like an 'ouse (house) side (she's a bit plump)

Or less politely 'built like a brick shithouse'.

Or slightly more politely 'looks like the back of a bus'.

I'm meeting myself coming back -someone who's very busy.
A voice like a glede under a door- said DF when we were watching Top of the Pops when we were teenagers..

Oh, another one from the Irish side of my family - my dad used to say "beef to the heels like a Mullingar heifer" for a woman who was well-built.

My late (Mancunian) mother used to say something was like Piffy on a Rock bun when she was left a bit high & dry.

She also said "I'll go to the foot of our stairs" - meaning I'm a bit surprised, "it's raining stair-rods" - heavy rain and "s/he's built like brick shit-house" meaning amply proportioned.

If someone couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery, they were incompetent. If you left lights on it was like Blackpool Illuminations. Her mother never said "bye" but always "ta-tar".

My great grandad on my dad's side used to dispense worldly wisdom: if you stand in front of a shitter and behind a shotter you'll get neither shit nor shot (N Cheshire)

Yorkshire here -

"He's got short arms and long pockets" for someone who's tight

"Still got all her chairs at home" for someone elderly who is still mentally sharp

"I'd be a fiver behind 'em" for someone who's wealthy

"You could buy her at one end of the street and sell her at the other" I was never completely sure on this one, I always took it to mean that someone was "common" (my Gran's most damning verdict on anyone). I don't think it was to do with prostitution as it applied to men as well, but as a child I was never sure.

Piffy on a rock bun is a new one on me, I'd love to know who Piffy is and why they were sat on one.

Northerner here.
I have fond memories of my dad stopping me in my tracks when I was moaney and wanting food we didn’t have., generally asking for treats,

me: have you got any chocolate/crisps/sweets?
dad- no. But I’ve got a bag that’s had cakes in

I’ve never fully understood it to this day
yes to:
Well go to the foot of our stairs
raining stair rods
my stomach thinks my throats been cut
face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

So many already said.

It was ‘put wood in th’ole
for us 😀

Between you, me and the gatepost - meaning keep this between us.

Where are we going Mum?

There and back again to see how far it is.

I'd forgotten this one until I said it to my 4year old dgd this afternoon.

I have rejoinedMumsnet after many years just to reply to this post and see if any one has ever heard this expression...

When my mum was little (she's in her 70s) and she broke something, she would always say "it wasn't me". Her grandmother, from the Bradford area, would always reply "Who was it then, Icky Plush the man with the velvet bottom?"

Also...
Stop laikin' abaht - stop messing about
Tha mun gerrit etten - eat it all up

I hadn't heard the Icky Plush one, but it's AWESOME

My stepdad used to say "gerrit etten" though!

Slight variations on ones mentioned here:
Fine words butter no parsnips
Enough blue in the sky to make a Dutchman a pair of trousers