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Original poster

Reasonable to ask a guest not to do this when staying over?

87 replies

Celia24 · 09/07/2022 00:37

Ok so the caveat is the guest is my mother - but still a guest!

We were often at odds during my childhood as she loved a noisy house. TV or radio always on in in the background. I hated it and had a lot of sleepless nights because of it.

Anyway when she comes to visit she follows the same routine as at home. She loudly plays a radio show she always listens to, taking it into each room as she goes. Last time on Sunday morning she stayed over and played it loudly in the shower while I slept next door - it woke me up significantly earlier and annoyed me.

When I came into my living room she kept playing it. I think it's rude tbh - although I'd like her to feel at home but it isn't the same as being home. Am I being a bad host to say can you please keep it off when you stay?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/07/2022 00:47

She needs headphones and to realise you do things differently in your house.

SummerL0ving · 09/07/2022 00:51

I wouldn't tell my mum to turn it off. I am quite a heavy sleeper though.

If it's affecting you, then ask her to turn it off. She's your mum and a small request like this shouldn't be an issue. She can wear headphones if she really wants to be listening to something.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/07/2022 00:55

FFS, tell her to pack it in already. This is your home, op, not hers, and her being your mother doesn't mean she can stomp all over your rules and boundaries. She's so fucking rude, it's incredible.

Fingerscrossed22 · 09/07/2022 00:57

Headphones or off!

Original poster
Celia24 · 09/07/2022 01:10

@Aquamarine1029 thank you. I half expected people to come on and say I'm being ridiculous.

I want her to feel welcome when she stays but it sets my teeth on edge. I can just about put up with her playing the radio in her own room but it's moving around my whole home with it and playing it that bothers me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Celia24 · 09/07/2022 01:11

SummerL0ving · 09/07/2022 00:51

I wouldn't tell my mum to turn it off. I am quite a heavy sleeper though.

If it's affecting you, then ask her to turn it off. She's your mum and a small request like this shouldn't be an issue. She can wear headphones if she really wants to be listening to something.

Yeah unfortunately I am a very light sleeper.

For some reason neither her or my dad own a set of headphones. I thought it was pretty standard for most people these days!

OP posts:
Carlycat · 09/07/2022 01:13

I'm a light sleeper and I'd be furious. Tell her to keep the noise down while everyone else is sleeping. It's bloody inconsiderate and rude

alwayslearning789 · 09/07/2022 01:20

Oh I don't know.... she feels at home in her daughter's house:)...

I'm sure you did worse when you were a teen in her house!...

It's only temporary and maybe that's one of the quirks you'll miss when she is not there for you to moan:)

I'd be easy going about it, but I understand if it doesn't suit you.

Original poster
Celia24 · 09/07/2022 01:22

She was quite a controlling parent @Carlycat so I actually find it hard sometimes to tell her 'no you can't do this in my home.'

This weekend I'm going to request she doesn't do this as I need to sleep. If she challenges it I'll say I think I see future overnight stays as problematic then. Harsh? I don't think so if she can't respect me. When I have friends to stay they all keep it down - I think she sees my home as an extension of her home. It isn't.

OP posts:
Londonderry34 · 09/07/2022 01:37

Has made me smile. This is my mother. She couldn't sleep unless radio was on full volume. Kept me awake and then I went to switch off. It's not a question of respect, just habit. This was one of my mother's quirks (there were plenty). Golly it was loud. She was oblivious.

notamilf · 09/07/2022 01:46

I hope this doesn't sound really rude but how on earth can anyone not realise that blasting a radio in someone else's house is rude?! Your post actually cheered me up as I've been having problems of my own with my Mum (she turned up unannounced one morning last week on my only day off and told me I'd put weight on and my skirting boards were filthy 🤣 she clocked the unwashed pots from the previous nights dinner and the kids pyjamas thrown all over the floor and looked like she was going to vomit 🙄) she's never worked a full day in her whole life and wouldn't have a clue what 'stress' feels like. I think some of us have Mothers that think they own us and know best. I've got really angry in the past but now just laugh at it. It must be a generational thing because my Mum would definitely blast her radio as loud as possible in my house and be flabbergasted if anyone told her it was unacceptable xx

notamilf · 09/07/2022 01:48

Sorry OP for my long message. It feels like therapy to get that off my chest so thank you lol xx

teddysgal · 09/07/2022 02:21

That's why they make headphones and ear buds for.

teddysgal · 09/07/2022 02:27

Buy her some ear buds or headphones for use when she visits you. They stay at your house when she leaves, so she won't 'forget' to bring them the next visit.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/07/2022 02:34

Buy her some headphones!

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 09/07/2022 02:55

My parents treat my home like theirs, which is nice in a way, but drives me up the wall in some respects. They can't not use any glass to drink from. As in, we all have a glass of water. But they seem to think its OK to drink from any of those glasses that day. So then we end up going through loads of glasses as DH and I get clean ones every refill we have because I font want to share a glass. They also share cutlery with my toddler which gives me the boke.

So if my mum and toddler are eating fruit salad, my mum will use 1 spoon for both of them, my toddler is too small to know better, but its just a bit gross!

Fraaahnces · 09/07/2022 03:03

I think a little chat about boundaries is in order. “I want you to be welcome here, but you need to realise that this is not your house. You blast your radio everywhere you go paying no attention to whether it’s disrupting people’s tv shows or sleep and that’s incredibly rude. If you wore headphones it wouldn’t matter.”
She’s probably also so accustomed to not being challenged at home that it has become some kind of self-soothing mechanism.I do wonder about people like your mum. It’s like they’re afraid of real conversation or being alone with their thoughts.

sashh · 09/07/2022 03:09

She needs headphones.

It's the Archers isn't it?

SpuytenDuyvil · 09/07/2022 04:17

The best relationships between adults exhibit mutual respect. It's time for your DM to realise that you need more quiet in your own house. She can wear earbuds or turn it way down.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 09/07/2022 04:38

notamilf · 09/07/2022 01:46

I hope this doesn't sound really rude but how on earth can anyone not realise that blasting a radio in someone else's house is rude?! Your post actually cheered me up as I've been having problems of my own with my Mum (she turned up unannounced one morning last week on my only day off and told me I'd put weight on and my skirting boards were filthy 🤣 she clocked the unwashed pots from the previous nights dinner and the kids pyjamas thrown all over the floor and looked like she was going to vomit 🙄) she's never worked a full day in her whole life and wouldn't have a clue what 'stress' feels like. I think some of us have Mothers that think they own us and know best. I've got really angry in the past but now just laugh at it. It must be a generational thing because my Mum would definitely blast her radio as loud as possible in my house and be flabbergasted if anyone told her it was unacceptable xx

It is most certainly not a generational thing.

Musti · 09/07/2022 05:42

I listen to webinars and audiobooks when I’m cooking and sometimes use the Alexa. But when my kids are home I use my earbuds because I have to have it loud to hear it over my cooking and clearing up sounds.

it is annoying to have something on when you’re not listening to it yourself.

tell her and tell her to buy some headphones

UrsulaPandress · 09/07/2022 05:48

I too think it’s the Archers.

knittingaddict · 09/07/2022 06:11

sashh · 09/07/2022 03:09

She needs headphones.

It's the Archers isn't it?

I assumed it was some awful music/local radio station.

DrFlorence · 09/07/2022 06:21

It's your house, so if she wants to sleepover or stay for the day she follows house rules. And that is no radio or noise waking others up before they are up (within reason)

Buy her some over ear wireless headphones - prime day is tues/ wee next week you'll get some for £20 -30 (Sony/ jmb)

But no radio or music in the bathroom- who does that? It's always wake people up and is very selfish if they are the first up. DM either is quiet when she's up before everyone else or she doesn't stay over as she's disturbing the whole household. It isn't her household, it's yours.

My DParents have all sorts of habits that can be noisy but they don't do it in my house as they know it'd wake DCs and I. Similarly I don't get up at 5.30am at other peoples houses! It would be rude to. I'm quiet as a mouse

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/07/2022 06:27

You could insert any type of unreasonable activity, and it would be over stepping the mark as a guest. My DM does this sort of thing, and it is beyond annoying. I do challenge DM over the bigger stuff (which I thinks yours counts as BTW) and it doesn't always go down well, but I don't think that's a reason not to adress it. I try and do it with humour if possible, but obs it isn't always possible. Failing that, reduce the amount of time she sleeps over? My DM is pretty crap at boundaries generally, and chooses not to 'get' any slight suggestion that this may be the case, even when not spelled out directly in that way. I suspect my grandparents, long gone, were similar, though I loved them to bits. FWIW I am quite noise sensitive, and wear ear plugs to help with DH's snoring. I know you shouldn't have to, but would this help? Ignore if suggested before. Tis early in the morning and I've just got up for medication.

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