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Original poster

Reasonable to ask a guest not to do this when staying over?

87 replies

Celia24 · 09/07/2022 00:37

Ok so the caveat is the guest is my mother - but still a guest!

We were often at odds during my childhood as she loved a noisy house. TV or radio always on in in the background. I hated it and had a lot of sleepless nights because of it.

Anyway when she comes to visit she follows the same routine as at home. She loudly plays a radio show she always listens to, taking it into each room as she goes. Last time on Sunday morning she stayed over and played it loudly in the shower while I slept next door - it woke me up significantly earlier and annoyed me.

When I came into my living room she kept playing it. I think it's rude tbh - although I'd like her to feel at home but it isn't the same as being home. Am I being a bad host to say can you please keep it off when you stay?

OP posts:
SingingInParadise · 09/07/2022 09:28

I have to say I can’t I angine telling a guest, any guest, that they are not allowed to listen to the radio in my house tbh.

Not too loud yes. But no radio unless it’s with headphones, no.

Floraanddougal · 09/07/2022 09:32

Just buy her sone cheap headphones it shouldn’t be a big deal.

motogirl · 09/07/2022 09:34

Yes it's rude but o have it loudly on when someone is sleeping or if you are wanting to talk, but having background noise isn't a bad thing either necessarily, I have the radio on when I'm showering and eating breakfast, doing housework etc, nothing odd about it. Some people struggle with silence especially if like me you have tinnitus.

Also is your mum visiting purely socially or are you asking her to come eg for childcare, does make a difference. If she's invited herself then lay down ground rules

takeitandleaveit · 09/07/2022 09:45

I think there should certainly be a house rule that nothing loud is on when anyone is in bed. That's just common courtesy.

ihavenocats · 09/07/2022 10:10

There's very few people I would actually allow to stay in my house. My mum isn't one of them.

Buy her some headphones, buy yourself some ear plugs.

Original poster
Celia24 · 10/07/2022 17:48

I made the polite request for quiet last night...and this morning she commented 'I am only allowed to be a ghost in your house' more than once because I had asked her to keep the noise down.

Tbh I don't really care. My place, my rules. I moved out of her home as soon as I could because the noise was overwhelming

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 18:39

That's really bad. Have you considered that you wouldn't even be here without her? She won't be around forever and one day you'll miss her and her annoying radio shows. I'd cut her some slack.

antelopevalley · 10/07/2022 18:43

Talk to her. But I do not think a mum visiting her daughter is a guest.

Madamum18 · 10/07/2022 19:13

Celia24 · 10/07/2022 17:48

I made the polite request for quiet last night...and this morning she commented 'I am only allowed to be a ghost in your house' more than once because I had asked her to keep the noise down.

Tbh I don't really care. My place, my rules. I moved out of her home as soon as I could because the noise was overwhelming

So reply: "No, I just ask you to keep the noise down because I am a light sleeper and also I am niot used to continuous noise throughout the day, including the raio!"

Then go an buy her some headphones as a compromise

Stillfunny · 10/07/2022 19:15

I have huge problems with this too. My Aunt now lives with me as she is elderly. Radio on so loud all day long . And shit I do not want to listen to . She could go into any number of rooms but wants to be near the kitchen with me. I really really struggle with it . But she has so few things she can do , it seems cruel to deny her. And she would be in silence , yeah a ghost.I wear the headphones as she is too old to adapt . I feel sorry for you OP . Just try to grin and bear it as she will be going home at least.

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2022 19:15

Celia24 · 09/07/2022 01:22

She was quite a controlling parent @Carlycat so I actually find it hard sometimes to tell her 'no you can't do this in my home.'

This weekend I'm going to request she doesn't do this as I need to sleep. If she challenges it I'll say I think I see future overnight stays as problematic then. Harsh? I don't think so if she can't respect me. When I have friends to stay they all keep it down - I think she sees my home as an extension of her home. It isn't.

At least you've got her Christmas present sorted!

Gymnopedie · 10/07/2022 19:20

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 18:39

That's really bad. Have you considered that you wouldn't even be here without her? She won't be around forever and one day you'll miss her and her annoying radio shows. I'd cut her some slack.

Oh dear..

AnnieSaxophone · 10/07/2022 19:31

Celia24 · 10/07/2022 17:48

I made the polite request for quiet last night...and this morning she commented 'I am only allowed to be a ghost in your house' more than once because I had asked her to keep the noise down.

Tbh I don't really care. My place, my rules. I moved out of her home as soon as I could because the noise was overwhelming

I find passive aggressive comments like this absolutely infuriating and I’m afraid my reply would have been something like ...

‘Please don’t be so childish. I simply asked you to wear headphones with your radio because the noise of it is disturbing my sleep and making me feel on edge. This is a shared space. If I was asking you to be a ghost in my house I would have used the words ‘please can you be a ghost in my house’.

And every time she mentions it I would say ‘ Just stop. Comments like that are annoying, attention seeking and unnecessary. If you don’t like it and feel you can’t exist without your radio on constantly, and you’re not prepared to wear headphones - then don’t stay here. We can meet for lunch somewhere instead.

gamerchick · 10/07/2022 19:42

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 18:39

That's really bad. Have you considered that you wouldn't even be here without her? She won't be around forever and one day you'll miss her and her annoying radio shows. I'd cut her some slack.

Always happens on these threads. Always.

So fucking what?! You don't get to behave how you want because you'll be dead someday. Just no.

I'd get her earphones me. I'm the same OP, can't stand constant noise.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/07/2022 20:09

Londonderry34 · 09/07/2022 01:37

Has made me smile. This is my mother. She couldn't sleep unless radio was on full volume. Kept me awake and then I went to switch off. It's not a question of respect, just habit. This was one of my mother's quirks (there were plenty). Golly it was loud. She was oblivious.

My mother too!

FinallyHere · 10/07/2022 20:33

If he puts in ear buds it's worse cos then we can't chat at all.

@CrystalCoco

This is an argument in favour of bone conducting headphones. I have Aftershokz Trekz Air but here are loads around now.

The wearer can listen just as with usual headphones but are also aware of sounds around. There is a pause button conveniently the left ear incase anyone tries to have a conversation

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/07/2022 20:36

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 18:39

That's really bad. Have you considered that you wouldn't even be here without her? She won't be around forever and one day you'll miss her and her annoying radio shows. I'd cut her some slack.

I see others have got here first, but really? You can't see that this would drive people nuts, and should just tolerate any old crap, because one day they won't be able to annoy the beejeezus out of anyone? Really? Hmm

KatherineofGaunt · 10/07/2022 20:38

Why did you post this again, OP? Did you not manage to talk to your mum about it the last time? It would wind me up something chronic!

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 20:49

The thing I love most about MN is all the arsiness you get when you have a differing opinion from someone else...

I'll never get why people jump on each others replies. Just give your opinion to the OP, no reason to get uptight about anyone else.

Daffi · 10/07/2022 20:55

Obviously a very quiet day on mumsnet if this is trending, what happened to which colour Range Rover should I buy

Charlize43 · 10/07/2022 21:05

Daffi · 10/07/2022 20:55

Obviously a very quiet day on mumsnet if this is trending, what happened to which colour Range Rover should I buy

With the cost of living crisis, none of us can afford to buy to buy Range Rover's anymore...

Do you think a black one with tinted windows is a bit too drug dealer-ish?

VioletInsolence · 10/07/2022 21:11

I like how some posters are analysing the OPs annoyance like some sort of annoying counsellor😆.

The OP is annoyed because she’s being woken up and is then tired all day….it’s nothing to do with childhood trauma! I’m furious if anyone disrupts my sleep!

Original poster
Celia24 · 10/07/2022 22:55

Not sure what you mean @KatherineofGaunt - this is the first time I've posted this.

Yes @AnnieSaxophone it is very passive aggressive. I made her a lovely dinner and breakfast and could do without snide comments.

At least she didn't wake me up but she was clearly unhappy about it. If she wants to visit me all she needs to do is use headphones or get used to a change in pace when she visits.

Anyway I wouldn't want to get in the way of more interesting topics trending. She said passive aggressively 😉thanks all.

OP posts:
BobISMyUncle · 11/07/2022 01:49

Please may I ask, is it possible that this lady has dementia?

alexdgr8 · 11/07/2022 01:56

so why don't you buy her a set pf headphones.

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