HELP - operation next week but DH's mum is dying

[DoingJustFine]

I have a hysterectomy scheduled for next Tuesday. It's already been postponed twice - first time, they moved it. Second time, I got Covid the week before.

My DH has booked time off to look after me and it's all fixed.

Except last night, at midnight, he got a call to say his mum is in hospital and not expected to last the night. He's been with her all night and she's hanging on but is really ill (she's 94) and not expected to make it.

My operation could NOT be at a worse time! He'll need me. There'll be a funeral, clearing out her things, all the grief. And I'll be laid up in bed for a month at least.

What should I do? If I tell my consultant what's happening, will they be able to move my operation..?

I

@Roselilly36

Forgot to say, homeopathic Arnica treatment can prevent blood loss, I used this for two surgeries that blood loss was expected, the loss with minimal.

]
Where do you get that?

Can I say again how helpful this thread has been. I can't thank you all enough, DH is back home now and I really think we can get through everything together.

I've contacted a cleaner, arranged for DS2 to stay with his dad the first 2 weeks of the summer, told DS1 we'll need his help, made 3 more meals for the freezer, and I feel a lot calmer,

Thank you all SO MUCH.

Dear God, don't stay in bed, you'll end up with a dvt, uti and constipation. I had total abdo hysterectomy a few years ago with radical excision and never spent a single day in bed. Even in hospital, I was up sitting and pottering the next day. Showered independantly , spent a few days in my pyjamas lounging, then was dressed every day. Out walking on about day 6 / 7. After about 4 weeks, felt fine and was doing light gardening. Back to full on housework at 6 weeks. Cut from one hipbone to the other. Take the painkillers and move about A LOT !!

@hairymuffet that’s great for you. The OP needs to follow the directions of her surgeon for the surgery she has and what is relevant to you.
@DoingJustFine if you’re going to take homeopathic medication at least let your team know of anything has changed, even if it is essentially water. There are some this they don’t want you taking in the run up to surgery.

So sorry OP, I hadn’t seen your update that your MIL has died, I am very sorry to both you and your DH and family.

You will not be laid up in bed for a month. You'll be out of bed the next day, back home in a few days, on sick leave from work while you recuperate, so at home available to comfort and support DH. I'm sorry his Mum is at her end but once she dies, all the practical arrangements can be taken at your own speed. Undertakers do most of the funeral organisation; legal and paperwork can be done from your home.

Don't cancel your op; you'll feel so much better after it.

@DoingJustFine large boots or health store, Nelsons they are tiny like pills, take the emergency dosage a few days before surgery.

When my MiL died just before the first Covid outbreak it took 5.5 weeks for there to be a place available at the Crematoriam for her funeral, it was winter so probably busier, but I am sure that your DH could ask them to postpone the funeral for up to 6 weeks. Or you can hire wheelchairs from places like the Red Cross, if you were in a wheelchair would that make it possible for you to attend the funeral?

Please go ahead with your operation OP, it sounds like quite a big operation, so obviously the sooner you get it done the better. None of us know what the future holds, so goodness knows what could come up next to postpone your operation again. Please OP just have the op! 💐💐💐

I'm so sorry for your and your DH's loss OP.
I am also sorry that I hadn't read at least all of your replies before posting mine, as I would have realised that mine was surplus to requirements. Well I can still wish you a speedy operation and a quick and healthy recovery xx

I had a similar dilemma not so long ago. Spoke to surgeon about it, and my decision became very clear. There is also the question of how long it might need to be delayed (disregarding surgeon's availability) before all your circumstances became "convenient".
You have "two amazing boys", but have "failed at teaching them anything about housework". As you say, this is the perfect opportunity for them to learn lifelong extremely useful lessons.
If you see the whole thing as an opportunity, you'll get through it.
If you have a spare bed, might it fit into a downstairs rook for your first few days back from hospital? Stairs might be your most difficult thing to manage at first.
As another PP said, be careful to follow surgeon's instructions. These days they really like you to be up and about, but with a hysterectomy I believe you get to be allowed to fill the kettle at about six weeks. So, just your cup of tea for now, plus phone and pen. Order shopping online. Maybe get boys a recipe book, or suggest they look online. And they can "cook for six and freeze for two" so that you can all eat fresh meals and you and husband build up a supply for when the boys aren't there.

I wish the the very best for this essential surgery. And I send wishes to you and DH for your loss.

@yzed
If you see the whole thing as an opportunity, you'll get through it.

I love this attitude. Thanks! I've told DS1 that this is the perfect chance for me to teach him all the housework tips he needs to know before he leaves for uni in September.

I sadly don't have a downstairs nook, but (if it comes to it) our sofa is HUGE so I could always sleep on that. I remember getting out of bed as the hardest part of my c-section recovery.

@TheLadyofShalott1

I am also sorry that I hadn't read at least all of your replies before posting mine, as I would have realised that mine was surplus to requirements.

I loved your post and I'm really glad you wrote! Thank you.

Good Luck with your op, and with getting back on your feet after it.

Sorry to hear your mil died. Just a few tips from someone who had a emergency TAH and BSO over six years ago after I had 3 units of blood. And I also had two c sections! Take all the painkillers you are offered. Women are not put on bedrest after a TAH. And I didn't burst any stitches from lifting a kettle or saucepan either. I unfortunately ended up with my second DVT 3 weeks after the surgery. But I subsequently discovered in a Haematology Clinic about two months later that I had an undiagnosed Endocrine condition that causes high blood calcium.
This also explained why I started feeling worse rather than better after the surgery so it was a blessing in disguise. Drink loads of water especially in this hot weather. Don't cross your legs when sitting down. Do walk around little and often. Don't be house proud. If you are able to take Arnica tablets and are not on any medication that contraindicates them, they are fantastic for internal healing. I took them after my second c section and didnt have to take half as much painkillers. Sadly I couldn't take them after the TAH as I was on a high dose of blood thinners.

I am sorry for your family's loss OP.

I found sitting up in a recliner was helpful once I felt up to it. At first I stayed in bed. I did not have to go on stairs as the bathroom is next to our bedroom. My only issue was I did not drink enough water with the painkillers and developed cystitis. (cleared up with increased water and when I stopped taking the codienne). I thought it was a bladder infection but happily it was not. That was 2 weeks post surgery.
Try to eat fruit & fibre and drink water so you don't develop constipation. It sounds like you have a good plan to lessen any stress you can, and your family sounds supportive and I am sure they will be a big help.

I’d go ahead with the surgery. You will probably be up and about before a month is out. Well hopefully, I’m not sure if there are added complications but I had a major pancreas surgery with a lot of complications and they don’t like you lying in bed but gradually doing a bit more movement / walking each day.

sorry to hear about your MIL though. As you say this is really bad timing. A lot of funeral planning can be done from home. I remember when my childhood friends brother died his mother had just had a hysterectomy and although they knew he had terminal Leukemia they weren’t expecting it to happen then, or sure her mum would have delayed the surgery. She was able to attend in a wheelchair.

thinking of you all at such a sad and difficult time