Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I've said something stupid to my 3 year old

111 replies

StupidMummy · 02/07/2022 20:16

I feel horrendous right now. My little one is 3. Very advanced. But still so little.

Tonight they kept asking why they can't put little toys in their mouth. I replied -

It's dangerous
Because I'm asking you not to
You'll choke

This went on and on. I don't know why the conversation went round and round. And I ended up saying. Something along the lines of -

If you choke, you'll die and I'd never get to see you again.

As soon as I'd said it I wish I could've taken it back. They've gone to sleep now. But their sad little scared face has literally broken my heart.

I'm meant to protect them. And now I've scared the life out of them. I don't know what to do?? I don't know how it fix this. I'm so upset with myself. I'm an awful parent. I don't know how I could've been soon stupid.

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 02/07/2022 20:17

You are not an awful parent, don't worry.

It's tough when they repeatedly ask the same questions over and over again. And you are protecting them.

areallthenameused · 02/07/2022 20:18

I mean it wasn't great, but your DC is 3, it'll soon be forgotten. Don't worry OP

UWhatNow · 02/07/2022 20:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CallmeMrsPricklepants · 02/07/2022 20:18

It'll be forgotten by the morning, probably have no concept of what dying really is anyway. Don't beat yourself up! I thought you were going to see they were a fucking bellend or something 😄

Geordielass1987 · 02/07/2022 20:18

Oh gosh that’s tough, and not ideal as you know but really you’re not actually wrong?

AppleKatie · 02/07/2022 20:19

In the nicest possible way - move on! She’ll have forgotten in the morning.

As long as this isn’t the latest comment in a long line of frightening incidents I’m sure it won’t have any impact whatsoever.

in the meantime- how are you? Do you find yourself in an anxious spiral after bedtime a lot?

AlisonDonut · 02/07/2022 20:20

They? Do you have more than one child that you said this to?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/07/2022 20:21

I don’t think that’s so awful. It’s the truth and what your DC was doing is dangerous. It’s not like you hit them out of frustration or showed them videos of children choking anything that’s likely to leave a lasting effect; death and danger are part of life and it isn’t a bad thing for your DC to know the consequences for doing something dangerous.

Marmite27 · 02/07/2022 20:21

Well you told them the truth. I’ve never sugar coated stuff like this with my kids.

Plus your child is 3, they’ll be back to putting stuff in their mouth tomorrow with gay abandon.

stuntbubbles · 02/07/2022 20:22

Is that bad? I explain that to 3yo DD all the time for things that could kill her! That’s why you wear a seatbelt/wait for the green man/hold mummy’s hand/say no to whole grapes, etc.

colouringfoxes · 02/07/2022 20:22

AlisonDonut · 02/07/2022 20:20

They? Do you have more than one child that you said this to?

OP clearly just doesn't think it's relevant whether it's a boy or girl, is that a problem for you?

ChickpeaPie · 02/07/2022 20:23

It’s the truth, nothing wrong with saying it.
I frequently tell my kids if they don’t stop fighting in the back of the car then I might crash the car and we’ll die

Womeninthesequel · 02/07/2022 20:24

I have to say, I don't really get why you didn't just take the keys off her the first time she ignored you. Don't get drawn into boundary negotiations with toddlers! And could she really choke on them? How small are your keys!?

Forgive me while I totally miss the point.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2022 20:24

You told them the truth. Stop fretting, they will be fine.

bloodywhitecat · 02/07/2022 20:25

Three year olds have no concept of what death means so you have done no lasting harm.

Womeninthesequel · 02/07/2022 20:25

Womeninthesequel · 02/07/2022 20:24

I have to say, I don't really get why you didn't just take the keys off her the first time she ignored you. Don't get drawn into boundary negotiations with toddlers! And could she really choke on them? How small are your keys!?

Forgive me while I totally miss the point.

Completely ignore me, for some reason I read "little toys" as "keys". Need more sleep.

CadburyCrunchy · 02/07/2022 20:25

@AlisonDonut OP probably decided on a gender neutral child at birth so 'they' can decide what they want to be when they're older...

StillWeRise · 02/07/2022 20:26

3 year olds don't and can't understand what death is
it's one of the reasons it's so hard to keep them safe!
he looked sad and scared because you finally snapped and you yourself were voicing your deepest fear- and when mummy is scared, THAT is scary.
Next time he starts one of these endless streams of questions that lead nowhere, it's OK to answer the question in a way he can understand and then say 'I explained that just now. Shall we go and feed the ducks/have some toast/get the playdough out now?
A good enough answer to his question would have been
'it could hurt you really badly, and I love you so I don't want that to happen.'

BattenburgDonkey · 02/07/2022 20:27

Womeninthesequel · 02/07/2022 20:25

Completely ignore me, for some reason I read "little toys" as "keys". Need more sleep.

Show quote history

I’ve reread the OP looking for mention of keys about 4 times after seeing your post, think you missed the point more than you realised there 😂 I hope you manage to get some sleep!

converseandjeans · 02/07/2022 20:28

But you told the truth & hopefully they will take your advice on board. I've always been quite upfront with mine about things like that. Choking would be worse for them!

Womeninthesequel · 02/07/2022 20:29

BattenburgDonkey · 02/07/2022 20:27

I’ve reread the OP looking for mention of keys about 4 times after seeing your post, think you missed the point more than you realised there 😂 I hope you manage to get some sleep!

Show quote history

Ive just realised this is because my toddler threw an almighty tantrum yesterday because I wouldn't let her lick the car keys.

EncroachingLoaf · 02/07/2022 20:30

I sometimes have to tell DS he'll die when he insists on misbehaving by the side of a busy road or trying to run off across one 😳 I mean, I don't feel great about it, but I think there's worse things. I don't think you're an awful parent.

DotBall · 02/07/2022 20:30

AlisonDonut · 02/07/2022 20:20

They? Do you have more than one child that you said this to?

I imagine the OP isn’t au fait with the stupid DS/DD/DH etc. acronyms used on Mumsnet. When I was new on here they used to annoy me and I didn’t use them at first.

Cornettoninja · 02/07/2022 20:31

I’ve always took the blunt truth line when I’ve had to because gentle just wasn’t cutting it. Dd was/is regularly told dicking around narrow paths is stupid because she could fall and a car will squish her. She’s seen enough roadkill to draw a meaningful conclusion.

I think your 3 year old was probably most upset at the prospect of not seeing you again rather than dying per se. Still, it’s not a lie and it’s an easier concept to grasp. Also pretty easily avoided by not putting toys in their mouth! And by that I mean you’ve not left them powerless against the cruel realities of the world, it’s a clear consequence you’ve spelled out everyone wants to avoid.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/07/2022 20:33

EncroachingLoaf · 02/07/2022 20:30

I sometimes have to tell DS he'll die when he insists on misbehaving by the side of a busy road or trying to run off across one 😳 I mean, I don't feel great about it, but I think there's worse things. I don't think you're an awful parent.

Exactly this- when my 4 year old walked too close to the road rather than on the inside of me, despite me telling her constantly I pulled her aside and explained that if a car speeds round it could hit her. She asked if she’d need a plaster and I said no you could be dead. It’s a fact of life, I’m not scaring her; she needs to understand rules are to keep her safe.