I've said something stupid to my 3 year old

[StupidMummy]

I feel horrendous right now. My little one is 3. Very advanced. But still so little.

Tonight they kept asking why they can't put little toys in their mouth. I replied -

It's dangerous
Because I'm asking you not to
You'll choke

This went on and on. I don't know why the conversation went round and round. And I ended up saying. Something along the lines of -

If you choke, you'll die and I'd never get to see you again.

As soon as I'd said it I wish I could've taken it back. They've gone to sleep now. But their sad little scared face has literally broken my heart.

I'm meant to protect them. And now I've scared the life out of them. I don't know what to do?? I don't know how it fix this. I'm so upset with myself. I'm an awful parent. I don't know how I could've been soon stupid.

Eh?? You've not said anything stupid??

You've over reacted and you're raising a very fragile child if you think you've done something awful by saying that.

Based on the thread title I thought it was going to be something awful, not a perfectly normal conversation about consequences.

In the nicest possible way OP get a grip. You just told your child. I doubt she will put small things in her mouth now so you ARE protecting her aren’t you?

*You just told your child the truth.

Er, thanks. I didn't sneeze so not sure what that's for though.

In many English dialects, including mine, it is totally normal. My granny used that construction all the time - she was born in 1913 and definitely wasn’t trying to make any kind of point about being non-binary. It is just a way to describe person whose gender isn’t relevant to the conversation. You are making yourself look ignorant.

Oh, bless you. You're not the worse parent. I've said the odd thing like that when mine were tiny and I know the face you mean. And yes, it breaks your heart. But if it's any consolation he will probably forgotten about it soon. I said something awful I regret when my boy was a toddler and he has no recollection - it didn't scar him for life.

Of course you aren’t awful.

You told them the truth. See recent thread about kids that age unbuckling themselves in the car.

There might have been a way to handle it without scaring them, but sometimes there isn’t. And either way, there will be no lasting trauma, and they might stop chewing the fecking toys ✔️

Also, they may well

When DS gets into the constant "why" I tell him that he needs to ask the whole question - so, not just "why" but "why can't I put this in my mouth" - I find it makes him think about what he really wants to know.

3 years old might be a bit young for it to work, but it might be worth a try

There’s a reason why there are ancient stories of bogeymen, evil fairies, witches and wolves who eat up little girls who leave the path. Sometimes children need a little scare to make them understand an abstract idea.

You are over thinking. You’ve told your little one a fact. I’ve had this chat with different variations with mine over the years.

We do our kids no favours by softening facts...toys in mouths are a choke risk - it’s just a fact. Your child will know as they get older that when you are firm, with good reasoning, they should listen. And they will thank you for it.

And please change your name OP. You aren't 'stupid', you are a loving mummy trying to keep your child safe and that isn't stupid at all. Sometimes with toddlers being 'nicey nicey' doesn't work - your kid was doing something very dangerous, so asked nicely to stop, they wouldn't and you stopped it by explaining the worst consequence. Yes sometimes that requires a sharp shock, as horrible as it is to do it, but otherwise little children just won't get it. So that doesn't make you a stupid mummy, but a very good and responsible one.

Well to be fair most three year olds are not going to know what ‘choke’ means, it’s just a random word to them. You made her understand the potential consequences of doing something dangerous. Your words before didn’t get through, this did.

We are at “you will have a very very big bump” stage but I’m thinking I should explain she could die. It may have more of an impact. I tend to go with the truth (mostly). I was a morbid child and would have found the idea that i could die quite fascinating. I honestly don’t think its that bad if its the truth.

1. You are not a bad parent.
2. The wee one will have forgotten all about this by the morning.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

You’re or an awful parent.
it’s the truthful answer to the question isn’t it.
ive always been honest with my children and they’re very confident well adjusted girls now.
i remember my niece would always run in the road when she was little and my sister would just shout and tell her it was naughty.
well that wasn’t a good enough reason for her to stop so I said pointed to a squashed hedgehog in the road and explained that would be her if she carried on doing it.
she looked shocked but never ran in the road again.
Shouting and saying something is naughty or not allowed is not the way to help your children learn, they need to know the truth about why they can’t do harmful things and why grown ups tell them not to and 3 is the right age to start teaching them.

I've always told my kids that I want them to stop doing that dangerous shit because they could die. I did lose a sibling during our childhood though, so maybe am slightly hypersensitive to the omnipresent risk of death.

<cheerful>

I have a 3 year old too and can understand the guilt. I’m trying at the minute to explain to DC1 why they can’t leave little toys where DC2 is (very newly) crawling and have resorted to telling them that the baby will choke if they do. Please stop beating yourself up about it. This is mum life!

My mother had a cousin who died from choking on a toy and my dad had a friend whose mother choked to death while eating, my siblings and I consequently had the dangers of choking drummed into us at a young age, I can assure you we are all fine and I am sure your child will be too.

I said something pretty similar to my 4yo today, he's usally really good around roads and crossings etc but for some reason he thought today would be a good day to run out infront of a parked bus. I had seen another car coming behind it aswell I saw his little life flash before my eyes. I'd taken my eyes off him for 1 second. He said he just wanted to look at the side of the bus and kept asking me why he couldn't run around and look so I said the other cars can't see you and if you get hit by one you'll die. He didn't even seem bothered when I said it just kept asking me why he'd die 🤦🏼‍♀️ I had no answer for that one. In response to you though you're little one won't remember by tomorrow and will be back doing it again probably! They don't even understand the concept of death properly at that age.

After 3 years of trying to stop them from killing themselves eventually you will crack and try to get them to take some responsibility for keeping themselves alive

I actually think its quite important to be truthful about this type of thing with children. I've said similar to mine and don't regret it

3 year olds have lost parents, siblings, grandparents in real life too. death doesn't wait until you are old enough to take a loved one, so don't worry.
also cooling could kill her, you didn't lie!

You’ve done nothing wrong - you told your child the truth - I’ve never sugar coated real life for mine and they are fine and fairly sensible young teens as a result

YANBU OP don't worry your child will get over it. Age 3 is supposed to be when kids are safe with small items. I would remove any suspect toys for at least another 6 months. Better safe than sorry.

It's no bad thing to mention death to children when they're young. It is a part of life. People they know will die, their pets will die, if they behave recklessly then there is a risk THEY may die.

We live on a main road. My kids understood the importance of standing well back from it. When they were young toddlers, I did mention that if a car hit them they might die, just like the roadkill animals we used to see. I think this was helpful information for them.