I've said something stupid to my 3 year old

[StupidMummy]

I feel horrendous right now. My little one is 3. Very advanced. But still so little.

Tonight they kept asking why they can't put little toys in their mouth. I replied -

It's dangerous
Because I'm asking you not to
You'll choke

This went on and on. I don't know why the conversation went round and round. And I ended up saying. Something along the lines of -

If you choke, you'll die and I'd never get to see you again.

As soon as I'd said it I wish I could've taken it back. They've gone to sleep now. But their sad little scared face has literally broken my heart.

I'm meant to protect them. And now I've scared the life out of them. I don't know what to do?? I don't know how it fix this. I'm so upset with myself. I'm an awful parent. I don't know how I could've been soon stupid.

Oh is that bad? I've told my son if he chokes he will die. Not sure he knows what it means but he knows it's bad. 😬

There's nothing wrong with what you said. Not sure what you are so upset about.

Next time just clearly say “I can’t let you put toys in your mouth, it’s not safe” and gently it off them while suggesting an alternative activity.

Hey? Weird! That's a perfectly normal way to speak! Drama llama

Fear is what stops you doing stupid things. Whether you are 3 or 30. You did nothing wrong. Your child wasn't "getting it". Then they did. That's a good thing, not a bad one.

It really isn't. Saying he or she would be normal. Saying they is a weird and pointless awkward way of avoiding disclosing the child's sex.

I wouldn't worry OP. Rightly or wrongly, I've been quite blunt with DD of the potential consequences of dangerous actions.

Please don’t worry OP. Basically you said it as it is (although rather bluntly). Sometimes kids need to be aware of danger if they are doing something really dangerous that they don’t see the danger of. You haven’t scarred her for life and if anything she will stop doing it.
My mum once said we had to walk home from grans (just up the road) and leave the car behind as they had had some wine (not drunk but we are strict about drink driving) and when i asked why why why why she said because if the police see mummy driving she could go to prison. Ok big exaggeration and OTT but hey, I learned. Stop beating yourself up OP. You are a good mum who wants to keep her kid safe.

As weird and pointless and awkward as this derail?

I tell mine they’d be squashed flat by a car if they’re not being careful and running on the road etc. I tell them they’d be dead forever. They seem to get it.

As weird and pointless and awkward as this derail?
Oh definitely more so. I have already answered the main question previously to say it's really nothing to worry about.

Hardly a bad parent.

It's true!

And you're LO has learnt as they all do at some point if you keep ask the same inane questions over and over eventually your parents will give you an answer that means you wish you'd quit whilst you were ahead!!!!!

My mother brought me up with. If you’re old enough to ask the question. You’re old enough to know the answer

they asked. You answered. This actually brought incredibly trust between me and my mum so I don’t see this as a bad thing at all?!?

Ugh, that persistent line of questioning thing is so annoying. I used to give very long and purposefully adult explanations until she got bored and stopped doing it (obviously she had all the common sense and age appropriate reasons first. But there are only so many ways you can respond to ‘why is that line yellow?’) Failing that, because of science.

I mean she probably really didn’t understand why she mustn’t. It’s a pretty abstract concept. But still annoying. She’ll be ok. I completely understand why you snapped and also why you feel terrible. But it will pass. You’re a great mum for caring.

I almost always say they in here. In response to one child….

its pretty obvious she means one child……

you’ve just picked on a detail and tried to put the OP down.

My almost 4 year old ran into the road the other day (very quiet road with no cars passing but besides the point) - it scared me and I told him off and said he would be squashed and die and we would never see him again if a car had been coming. He looked horrified, said “sorry mummy, I’ll NEVER do it again. I don’t want to be squashed and made into garbage” 😳

That’s not quite what I said and I’m not convinced he will never do it again but it seemed to make him think about what he did and he’s not been left traumatised, he had forgotten the whole thing half an hour later!

It's a totally appropriate and age understandable answer.

It shocked him. Good. That's the point. Now he hopefully wont put things in his mouth.

I tell DC that they can die if they do certain things, they don’t listen to half the things I say and natural consequences are important. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as you keep it short and factual rather than making a big fuss about it. They don’t seem particularly unhinged.

🙄really?

What is it with kids and their fascination with plaster casts? I would literally hate ti have one, they seem to want an injury so they can have one!

I say this kind of thing fairly often but then I I say it like it is and don’t like to sugar coat.

I've told my lo if someone chokes they will die, which is the truth. I don't think they understand fully what death is but they know it means "all gone gone forever"

Anything around safety needs to be drummed into small DC imo. My DC knew from a young age that cars are very heavy and would squish them dead. No coming back from that. I don’t see the problem with what you said. Kids don’t appreciate the consequence of their actions until you spell it out to them.

I horrified my dd and made her cry inconsolably once. It was immediately after the one and only time she ever wrenched her hand out of mine and made a dash for it towards a busy road.

Sometimes you do have to tell them straight.

I like that.

Seems a really good way of approaching it