Living abroad sucks aka now I'm not satisfied anywhere

[Kinsters]

We've lived in Malaysia for almost 7 years and now we've got two small children we're thinking about when we might move back to the UK. I've realised that I won't be totally happy in either place and wish I could mash the two together. Which would you pick to live in? Or what do you love about somewhere else in the world that you wish you could bring to the UK?

UK pros = family and friends, the weather (yes it is often rainy and a bit cold but it's so mild I feel like you can dress for it. There's no dressing for 30° heat and 90% humidity), the provisions for children are so much better - parks, museums, softplay, farms also everyone speaks English so it's easier to connect with people.

Malaysia pros = it's so cheap we can afford a nice house and a live in nanny/cleaner to help out, eating out is cheap, petrol is cheap, basically everything that's not imported is cheap, we live in a lovely neighbourhood with really nice neighbours, DH has a very secure job that pays fine, weirdly I like that there's no seasons as I can wear the same clothes all year plus when I wake up I know whether it's time to get up or not by whether it's light.

Various reasons that I'm not going to bother going into. Short and curt messages get replies in kind 😉

No, there is not an air of dullness. YOU found it dull, fair enough.

I wouldn't move back to the UK at the moment, we are about to head into what's probably an enormous recession. Everything is expensive and going up further, services collapsing, strikes.

Stick it out for a few more years then perhaps come back.

Sounds like you have an easy and comfortable life. I wouldn't swap that for the UK right now, no way.

I can definitely get behind dull. I yearn for dull. That dull clean air, the beautiful mountains that I could see from the middle of the city, that boring good wine and food, the politicians and police that aren't in special measures or groping people - a boring country in which a political scandal is still a bloody scandal, and ditto a dirty cop.

(I also miss the Royal NZ Ballet, they were bloody awesome. I'd definitely say the equal of Sadler's Wells!)

🥱

😘

I’ll take my Canada back in it’s entirety. I’d like a flight once a year to Europe only if I can completely bypass the U.K. It’s been 10 years here and I’ve had it!

I’ve just spent 2 weeks in the Uk. Come home to Switzerland. You couldn’t pay me to live in the Uk.
it makes me sad to see how much it has changed for the worst since we left 11 years ago - NHS is a disaster unless you are nearly dead, streets are dirty, in the area my parents live everything gets smashed up by the locals. Trains were either late, on strike, delayed because of lack of staff or theft of cables from the line.
A lot of traffic. Just makes me really sad.

What is it that you dislike? I've actually found it really enlightening on some expat FB groups to see what people grump about in the UK. It's definitely opened my eyes to some less than attractive aspects of UK culture that I never noticed before.

I have to say though, OP, that I understand what you mean. I know that if I went back to NZ to live now, I'd have frustrations. Being so far from anywhere, and yes, I do love the history, the architecture, the wealth of wonderful museums, art galleries, ballet and shows. I would miss M&S, and Waitrose. I love the wildlife - the badgers, the foxes, the deer, the hares. I'd miss the gluten free products! Sometimes I'd miss 12,000 miles between me and my family (oops).

But I do yearn for my mountains, the air that I love to smell, to taste, to breathe, Farmers (the department store), Carls Jr, hell, I even miss the earthquakes. I miss the scenery, the beaches, the accessibility of things like horse riding for far more people. I miss the Crusaders. I wish I was closer for my MIL.

There's always an opportunity cost!

Yes, there are plenty of aspects of being in the UK that I don't relish the thought of - the NHS, seasons, the cost of living, not always having someone to watch the children while I get things done.

At least you don’t have to pick between heating & eating in Malaysia. 🔥😅

@Kinsters I wouldn't worry about seasons- it's about 15 degrees most of the year and cloudy !! (That's what it is in Windsor tonight) my heating kicked in

You can stack up all the pros and cons you like, but you already answered the biggest question - you would prefer to live in the UK. It sounds like you have not really integrated into Malaysian culture - that's not a criticism at all, just a fact - and that may be a bigger deal for you than it seemed before.

I wouldn't dig much deeper than 'I would prefer life in the UK'. You have a choice, and that's the one you want to make.

😂 we were back for 2 weeks and I joked to my mum we'd been back for the whole summer - seems like it was true! It's not so much the weather but the light though. I feel on such an even keel in Malaysia as the sun always rises at 7am and sets at 7pm. It wasn't something that particularly bothered me when we lived in the UK but I feel like it would irk me now I've seen how nice it is to always know roughly what time it is by whether it is dark or not! I think in the UK I'd need really good blackout curtains and one of those sun lamps.

@Kinsters I live in London and this makes it bearable due to the cosmopolitan nature of the city and the job opportunities. I like my neighbourhood and generally individual people are friendly and chatty (overall, people are the same everywhere). No complaints there.

But, every time I get off the flight from Canada, my heart sinks, it’s really dirty, there’s litter everywhere, it just looks so shabby.

There is a real pessimistic and cynical outlook here, people overall seem much more depressed and resigned to accepting crumbs and dregs from services, government, NHS, crap food in grocery stores etc…

It’s not the cost of living that is the problem here: food, goods, and services are still cheaper than in Canada (although salaries are a pittance compared to back home). It’s that what you get here is just garbage (state pensions, NHS, roads, single paned windows, houses built with the laundry in the kitchen (WTF???), I could go on…)

I came here as a graduate student as part of a multi country exchange, so I’ve lived in a few places. This was the last badly thought out stop on that exchange. Can’t wait to go back home!

@Hermione101 yep, that's all depressingly valid and recognisable.

I lived overseas for years and sometimes I miss it, but once dc arrived we wanted them to have roots, stability, family and a good education. So for us it was a no brainer - we would always stay in the U.K. culturally it is very stimulating, it is safe and although we like to moan it is so beautiful here in the spring, summer snd autumn, and the kids love the snow in winter.
it is warm, cosy and a happy place to raise children.
It is also a very musical place to live and I couldn’t live permanently anywhere else. Factor in your love of travel and make sure you set aside a travel fund, and then you have the best of both worlds. Adventures and stability

I like in a village in the country with good connections to London. Here it is super friendly and a great place to grow up in the fields and forests

you need to live in a beautiful part - we have no litter here or pessimists! It’s stunningly beautiful with ancient woodland, historical villages and real culture. It’s not Disney, it has its am drawbacks but honestly a summers day in England can not be beaten - idyllic

Where else can you live where all of Europe is a train ride away. We are driving to Rome via five amazing countries and each one so unique and individual. London is a world class city - we are very lucky.

@Provenceinthesummer where?! This is my kind of idealised view of the UK that I wish I could make a reality. We're looking at London, Oxford or maybe Guildford/Surrey area.

Returned home to U.K. five years ago and don’t regret it. Yes, it’s overcrowded, and the houses are too small and too expensive. I also hate the new build estates, and don’t get me started on the roads, not to mention the noisy cars.

But the U.K. has so much going for it. For a start, it is a pleasant/moderate climate. November and December are grim and dark, but I love the fact that it’s never stiflingly hot or scarily cold. London is one of the greatest cities in the world. And I love the history and culture. I’m doing a literature degree atm, and it gives me such a thrill to be in the island that produced Chaucer, Shakespeare, Blake, Jane Austen, Byron, Keats, Dickens, Hardy. The list is endless. I also love the way literature and landscape are interwoven. The great British poems and novels are full of descriptions of the churches and countryside and seasons. And so when you encounter those things, you see them through the eyes of Hardy and Wordsworth and Chaucer and so on.

Every time I visit Oxford or Cambridge I also get a thrill. It amazes to walk around and think “god, Oscar Wilde studied here, and Nabokov and Newton and Darwin and Wittgenstein. This is where DNA was discovered. This is where the atom was first understood” etc. In terms of cultural history and intellectual stimulation, the U.K. can’t be beaten (except, maybe, by Italy and Greece and France). It feeds your imagination like nowhere on earth.

I just wish it was a bit bigger, a bit brighter and less crowded. And I wish the houses were bigger, less jammed together, and not so goddam expensive.

I think the biggest issue about the UK is the expensive and tiny houses. Such bad value for money. Childcare costs are expensive, but I am well beyond that stage. Brexit - well it's happened and it won't change.

But the quality of life is good, climate clement, there aren't lots of insects out to get you and it's easy to get to other places in Europe.

The biggest thing is really the dire housing stock. Every time I go to Germany I want my friends' houses - and neither of them are even that big, but they both have decent sized rooms and multi-room cellar.

I've been thinking the exact same thing recently. We are planning to move back to the UK in the next couple of years.
Pros of where we live,:close to mountains and beaches, glorious places to hike and very outdoorsy, lovely, well resourced neighborhood, great food options, very high salaries, kids are very happy at school - less formal than the UK. Very sport oriented weekends. Much less crowded beauty spots.

Pros of UK: friends and family. We haven't found meaningful friendships like we have in the UK. Cost of living is cheaper in UK. Uni in UK will be more affordable. Free health care. Good kids activities. Proximity to Europe. London! Less complicated and divisive politics! Better employment laws. Being able to work, me.

Wish I could combine all of these! But friends and family are definitely the biggest pull back to the UK.