Visiting parents, not allowed to share bed with partner

[Revir]

Hello,

I am visiting my parents house for a few days. I will be bringing my partner home. We have been together for a year and a half.

Parents have met my partner socially, but this is the first time we will both go home to stay.

I am 23 and they are 26.

My dad is insisting that we sleep in separate beds. My partner will be in my bedroom, and I will be on a camp bed.

Thoughts?

I had this growing up, it was pretty standard to be honest.
stay in a b & b.

I would stay in a hotel or B&B.

I had this with ILs, DH and I had lived together for 6 months, I was 26 and he was 38 and divorced. He has a son from his marriage- so he clearly wasn’t a virgin. We ended up living at ILs for 3 months. Apparently it would be disrespectful to sleep in the same bed under their roof without being married. I don’t know what they thought about us living together for 5 years before getting married 🤣

It's not clear if the bed is a single in which case the camp bed is reasonable. Or are they weird? If the latter stay elsewhere.

Several tedious times.

This made me smile so much. My widowed Dad had a new partner (who I call my step-mother). They wanted to stay at my Aunt's house and she made separate bedding arrangements for them. My stepmother was very upset and pushed the beds together. My Aunt was equally upset and told me that it was not right as they were not married. (all three were very religious) I told my step-mother to abide by my Aunt's house rules for the one night. Dad was 86. Step-mother and Aunt were 80 and 81 at the time !!!!! it was like dealing with teenagers !!!

Yeah it is silly but a couple of nights in different beds is no big deal.

You have only been dating 18 months. Are you even engaged or living together yet? from their perspective, this is just some person you are dating, not a partner. Partner means something.

If you aren’t comfortable with what they have to offer, the simple solution is to book a hotel. It makes for better visits anyway.

How crushingly tedious.. hotel.

18 months is more than dating and I don't think "only" sits correctly in front of that amount time. A week, a month, maybe - but then it's a grey area so overall your conclusion is probably best. Hotel, purely for the space and better sleep.

I'd be going to a hotel

OP if your parents ever come to stay at your house make sure you insist that they do not sleep together! Treat them exactly as they are treating you.

Gosh I'm bloody sick of random women rocking up at ours and sharing a bed with DS. Hes a serial monogamist and between the ages of 15 and 27 has had probably ten year long relationships. What is worse is that each woman seems to think he is her partner! No he is dating you and will never marry you. And I can't be bothered to get to know you. I wish we had nipped this in the bud a decade ago. Owns his own flat now and we are still blessed with plenty of weekend visits from the happy 'couple'. Do us all a favour and get a room.

Could be worse Missy, he might become a polygamist. Think of the laundry😀

MiL went a step further and we weren't allowed to share a room until married (she had a double and a twin). We moved in together 2 years into the relationship and it was a further 6 years before marrying at 28/38.

The crunch came one Christmas when a married sibling was also staying and using the double and MiL expected DH to leave a twin bed empty and sleep on the cold dining room floor. It already cost us €€€ to travel over.

His siblings intervened on that one. DH was refusing to put that effort into travel and spend Christmas night on a camping mat while a bed lay empty. We were permitted to use the twin rooms after that and married fairly soon after anyway.

It turns out that sharing the double bed is really uncomfortable as it's small and saggy and I just roll on to DH and end up stuck to him 😂

If a couple is serious enough to live together there is no point in trying to enforce seperate sleeping arrangements. If they're young and in the enthusiastic flushes of love, they'll probably just go off for a lovely drive to the countryside or something anyway to indulge in their vices 😉

My parents were a bit like this - I just said partner and I will be sharing a bed when we visit - that can be in a local hotel or at home which would you prefer? Dad said the whole thing was a bit pointless - so we stayed with them.

It’s one of those their house their rules.

My in- laws had two spare bedrooms one with a double bed one with two singles - they only ever offered the two single room when visiting with their partners! All in long term relationships out of the four children only two are married - they finally relaxed their rules a few years ago. But we all respected it and never questioned it!

My mum tried this, when I brought my then fiancé over to visit. I explained to her that seeing we’d already been renting a one-bedroom flat together for two years! I told her while I appreciated her attempt at preserving my honour, it was a little hypocritical, given our shared lease 😅

I wouldn't stay.