Visiting parents, not allowed to share bed with partner

[Revir]

Hello,

I am visiting my parents house for a few days. I will be bringing my partner home. We have been together for a year and a half.

Parents have met my partner socially, but this is the first time we will both go home to stay.

I am 23 and they are 26.

My dad is insisting that we sleep in separate beds. My partner will be in my bedroom, and I will be on a camp bed.

Thoughts?

Everyone saying 'get a hotel', you do realise that costs money?!!

It's absolutely ridiculous they won't let you stay in the same bed! Pompous, righteous and stupid.

Everyone saying 'get a hotel', you do realise that costs money?!!

Of course people know hotels cost money. The thing is if you do t like the accommodation offered for free, that's what you do, pay for an alternative. It doesn't t matter if you agree with the parents or not. That's the offer. Take it or leave it - and find an alternative, a hotel.

Their house, their rules. If it bothers you, don't stay there.

You don’t seem very tolerant of people’s differing beliefs.

Its not hard though is it to understand that it comes from different angles.

OP only has a choice to go and obey the rule or not go if she doesnt like them. So she hasnt asked if she is being unreasonable. If she said I want to go and flout what they're asking me, personally I would say that is being unreasonable, you dont go into someone elses house and thrown your weight around and make decisions about the household in opposition to the house owners.

On the other hand if her mother posted for advice, she is asking 'should I allow this or not'? And most reasonable people would say yes you should allow this, whats the harm. However if you dont want to allow it because it goes against your principles, that is your right, in your own home.

I’d tell them pleasantly - not to make a row about it - that in that case we’ll be staying at a hotel instead, thanks.
If there’s a Premier Inn anywhere near you’re guaranteed a nice big bed.

Thats exactly what the majority of us are saying, it IS their house their rules and therefore if OP doesnt like that (as I wouldnt) she doesnt have to stay in the house

Its not a load of shit, it is the fact of the matter, just as OP has the choice not to have those rules imposed on her, she doesnt have the right to impose her wants on someone else who doesnt want to deliver that.

It’s their home. They value marriage. You can go to a hotel.

You aren't going to die if you sleep in a different bed for the night.
Your workplace won't let have a double seat in the office so you can bring your boyfriend to work either, being an adult doesn't mean you always get your own way.

It's their home, if you ever expect them to show you any respect, then show them some by following their rules in their home.

Their house their rules.

This

You want something different, stay in a hotel

But there is nothing to indicate that even staying in the same bed is an option. The op is being offered a single bed and a camp bed. If there was a spare double bed around then surely one would be staying in that not the camp bed?

People dont have to have a spare double bed just in case a couple comes to stay.

The OP isnt clear and hasnt clarified. She says her partner will be in her bedroom, that might have a double bed in it or it might be a single bed. If its a single bed and the parents have provided a camp bed presumably its either on some moral grounds or it might be that they (rightly) recognise that 2 people in a single bed isnt really very practical.

If there's a double bed in your room, surely you'll just use it?

If not, then a camp bed is needed.

I had this. My fiancé, who I was living with, had to sleep in a separate room until after we were married. I adhered to my parents' principles without complaint because their house, their rules. However, this was until they, ahem , didn't matter anymore when my brother's girlfriend stayed over and slept in his bed.

I'm afraid I lost a lot of respect for my parents after that. I love them very much, but that wound won't heal.

Just ruffle up your bed and climb in with him
They probably just don't want to know about it
Rise to the challenge

Are they really religious OP?
I personally think they are being daft and it's no wonder you haven't been home for 18months if thats the welcome you get.
If you were my "child" I'd welcome you and your partner with open arms and wouldn't let any judgemental religion or philosophy come between our relationship.

We weren't allowed to share a bed at either parents until we were engaged - we were 28 then!

Lucky you, being able to stay in the same room. We weren't allowed to share a bedroom/bed till we were married. We didn't get married for ages....... I was 32, DH 35 😂

Refuse to stay there if you aren't allowed in the same room.
You are an adult now so you need to return home as an adult and not be put into the child role by your Dad.

What size is the bed? If it's a double, then I understand your thinking.

If it's a single, and they are ok with the idea of you sharing a room, then I think they are trying their best to make you both comfortable.

I sprawl a lot when I sleep. I'd think the idea of sharing a single very intimate but once asleep my bed companion might not be so comfortable fitting around me.

My parents put up a 'put me up' in the room DP and I shared one Christmas. They had only twigged that it only had a single bed minutes before we are all due to arrive. My mother told me afterwards that my sister scored the room with the double bed because she was married and brought her husband.

It didn't encourage me to marry DP. I did ask which of us would be granted the double had she arrived with someone other than her husband.

Answer came there none.

I think I'd get a hotel and stay there if they can't put you up together. Is there a double bed in the room? You could just sleep in the bed if there's one there, not exactly going to be checking on you now are they?

That generation is ridiculously old fashioned. I'm embarrassed for them.

They're weird but you're old enough to stay in a hotel anyway

What generation? My DDs are 24 and 29 and have always been allowed to share a bed with their partner in our home. You can't make sweeping generalisations about a whole generation based on one set of parents.